- Dougie Shears: [singing] It was twenty years ago today. Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play, They've been going in and out of style, But they're guaranteed to raise the smile, So may I introduce to you, The act you've known for all these years, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
- Mark Henderson, Dave Henderson, Bob Henderson: We're Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band We hope you will enjoy the show...
- B.D. Hoffler: I want you. I want *you* so bad. I want *you*. I want you so bad. It's driving me mad. It's driving me *mad*.
- Mr. Kite: [singing] Ah, one, two, One-two-three, Da-da-da, Ba, ba, Ba-ba-ba-ba, Ba, ba, ba-ba-baba, De-de, de-de, de-do, De-diddly-diddly-diddly...
- Mr. Kite: Could Billy survive 10,000 volts? It was a lot more than normally came through his guitar. Frankly, he was shocked.
- Mark Henderson: [singing] She's the kind of a girl that makes the "News of the World", Yes, you could say she was attractively built
- Mark Henderson, Dave Henderson, Dave Henderson: Yeah, yeah, yeah
- Emcee: The BD. The Big Disco Show brings you Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
- Mark Henderson, Dave Henderson, Bob Henderson: [singing] He's a real nowhere man, Sitting in his nowhere land, Making all his nowhere plans for nobody, Doesn't have a point of view, Knows not where he's going to, Isn't he a bit like you and me?
- Mr. Kite: Heartland was in desperate condition - seething with corruption. BD was desperately canceling concerts everywhere. He was losing his cool, his profits, and his hair.
- Emcee: Introducing the mighty elements of the universe: Earth, Wind & Fire.
- Earth, Wind & Fire: [singing] Got to get you into my life, into my life, Got to get you into my life, into my life, Got to get you into my life, into my life...
- Mr. Kite: FVB - the evil force that would poison young minds, pollute the environment, and subvert the democratic process. And worst of all, change Strawberry into a mindless groupie. This was the enemy: FVB - Future Villain Band.
- Future Villain Band (FVB): [singing] Here come old flat top, He come groovin' up slowly, He got ju-ju eyeball, He want holy roller, He got hair down to his knee, Got to be a joker, He just do what he please...
- Our Guests at Heartland, Our Guests at Heartland, Our Guests at Heartland, Our Guests at Heartland, Our Guests at Heartland, Our Guests at Heartland, Our Guests at Heartland, Our Guests at Heartland, Our Guests at Heartland, Our Guests at Heartland: [singing] We're Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band We hope you have enjoyed the show...
- Mr. Kite: The instruments were safely back in Heartland; but at what a cost. Was it worth it? Could anything or anyone make everything alright again in Heartland?
- Billy Shears: [singing] The wild and windy night, That the rain washed away, Has left a pool of tears, Crying for the day, Why leave me standing here? Let me know the way...
- Mr. Kite: [singing] I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in, And stops my mind from wandering, Where it will go, I'm filling the cracks that ran through the door, And kept my mind from wandering, Where it will go, And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong I'm right...
- [first lines]
- Mr. Kite: The war to end all wars did not end soon enough. So, Heartland, USA, sent the Allies it's most effective secret weapon: Sgt. Pepper and his Lonely Hearts Club Band.
- Mean Mr. Mustard's Computer: We Hate Love. We Hate Joy. We Love Money, Money, Money, Money.
- Mr. Kite: Dr. Maxwell, a small time quack who became a big time specialist turning ugly old, corrupt people into handsome young corrupt people.
- Dr. Maxwell Edison: [singing] Joan was quizzical, studied pataphysical, Science in the home, Late nights all alone with a test tube, Oh, Oh-oh-oh, Maxwell Edison, majoring in medicine, Calls her on the phone...