O Telefone

I've always liked this movie. But watching it now it is difficult not to laugh out loud at the ridiculous scenes featuring Tyne Daley and her "supercomputer." This stuff was out of date when the film came out, relying on "Lost in Space" style simplicity.

But that's forgivable. What really kept the flick from really being a classic, however, is that it is totally missing the third act! The film ends abruptly with the villain, Dalchimsky, done away with in a fairly simple manner in the small town bar. In the novel, Dalchimsky is also killed in the bar, but not before passing along the coded message that set off the last "sleeper" who then proceeds to make his way to blow up Hoover Dam (or some big dam—can't remember off the top of my head). Then Bronson and Remick's characters had to race to stop the impending disaster. It was a big, exciting ending and I can't understand why they left it out. Maybe they just didn't have the budget. I think spending the dough it would have taken to include the book's ending would have helped mitigate the low budget "TV Movie" feeling "Telefon" often suffers from. But producers knew that Bronson's name would consistently pull a certain audience no matter what, so they rarely tried to do anything big in his films and he never insisted on it—a fact that eventually led to the decline of his career.

This time around, Bronson is a Russian major sent to the USA to eliminate a renegade Stalinist who is activating human time bombs. It's a kind of Manchurian Candidate times twelve. Bronson's double-agent assistant is Lee Remick.

The plot, though not hard to follow, is a bit intricate and involves the solution of several puzzles and a good deal of travel around the country, from Denver to Akron to Los Angeles to Cambridge (NM), to some dumpy bar in rural Texas with a rattlesnake in a cage. The series is designed to spell out the name of the villain, Dalchimsky, across a map of the USA. It's not worth going into enough detail to explain exactly what that means. But I must add that I thought it was pretty rotten of the director to actually blow that rattlesnake's head off for real, Crotalus atrox, a beautiful specimen. Where is PETA when you need them? And what do they have against snakes? Oh, sure, nobody would argue that rattlesnakes are as cuddly as French poodles or sea otters -- but, still.

Bronson is his usual self with his built-in swagger and mustache. He's a Russian major and his hair looks styled by Mister Kenneth or something. And he's completely incapable of projecting anxiety, let alone fear. Lee Remick was no longer a teenage baton twirler but she has the strangest, most appealing pair of pale blue eyes, surrounded by black circles, like Meg Ryan's. And she too has a curious rolling gait, like a sailor's. Neither Bronson nor Remich was ever a major star by Hollywood standards but they're both engaging and it's sad to think that they are now both history. I could never get with Donald Pleasance as an actor. He's probably a fine man and loves his dog, but his shining dome and pop eyes become banal in a hurry. Sheree North in her small part gives a good impression of being an exuberantly sexy no-nonsense woman.

The plot has its implausibilities. We kind of expect Bronson and Remick to wind up together somehow, and they do, but it comes out of nowhere. Bronson has heretofore done no more than smile at Remick, and that only once, when suddenly they get in the car and take off for a motel ten miles away.

A couple of fireballs for the young at mind, but no car chases, no slow motion deaths (except for that disenfranchised rattler), and only one shooting.

This is one of about two Bronson vehicles I look forward to seeing again. I'm not sure why. Schifrin's music is no more than adequate. The photography is interesting, all of its colors drawn from the red end of the spectrum, all beige, gray, orange, and scarlet. Anyone in blue looks like a tramp at a Kandinsky exhibit. Maybe I like the irony of a Russian major trying to save the USA from being blown up.

If you look at the history of American Cold War films, you see they often, but not always reflect the current state of Western-Soviet relations. Many of the B-movies of the 1950's reflected the anti-communist paranoia that existed stateside; and that decades's Invasion of the Body Snatchers (also directed by Don Siegel) brilliantly parodied McCarthyism. Now we find ourselves in the late 1970's. Gone are Stalin and Kruschev - now we have Breznev and Nixon/Ford and Jimmy Carter and a gradual policy of rapprochement and cooling of tensions. In this film, neo-Stalinists are purged by the pro-Détente Soviet leadership. One such old guard agent, played by Donald Pleasance (who is always in fine form with these 'oily' character representations) decides to unleash an old Soviet conspiracy hatched by leaders in the 50's and unknown to most of the current Soviet brass. I am not going to rehash the entire plot, but let it suffice to say that we have a top Soviet Army General (played by Charles Bronson who mercifully does not even attempt a Russian accent) working together with American double agent Lee Remick, to battle forces more sinister than the current leadership of either the US or the USSR. This truly is the movie that best reflects the détente political philosophy in vogue at this time.

This isn't the most well-known movie in the world, so I really wonder if anyone realized that the Zucker/Zucker/Abrams team that made the original "Naked Gun" copied the whole idea of everyday people activated as assassins with bizarre catchphrases directly from this movie (remember the scene in which Ricardo Monalban "activates" his sweet elderly secretary, played coincidentally by the Zuckers' own mother, to go on a shooting rampage). I have no doubt about it: I went to the U.S. premier of "Naked Gun 33 1/3" in Milwaukee (the hometown of myself and the filmmakers) at which David Zucker said that for each of their movies, they would copy plot lines directly from serious, sometimes obscure genre films like this. I thought of this movie immediately when I saw "Naked Gun" for the first time. When you think about it, the central idea of everyday people becoming murderous robots just by hearing a stanza from Robert Frost is pretty funny by itself, and the Zuckers milked all the absurdity they could from it.

I have rather fond memories of watching this film when it was broadcast at odd hours on a local independent television station. The ideas this movie adapted from Walter Wager's original novel were quite creative, but I recall the acting of everyone here to be pretty bad (especially leads Bronson and Remick). The old-fashioned '70s computers, rotary phones, and Cold War ultra-seriousness further diminish its effectiveness. This isn't the kind of movie MGM is probably anxious to reissue on a deluxe DVD - probably because its two stars and director are all deceased, but it is a reasonably entertaining film to catch on television.

I was never a big Charles Bronson fan. His movies usually followed the same predictable patterns of revenge and violence with Bronson usually coming off dry and stiff. His performances were usually always one note.

Of the few films of his I have enjoyed (see also "The Mechanic" and "Hard Times") from that era, "Telefon is a surprisingly gripping thriller even though the story is downright silly at times. Bronson plays (and doesn't even begin to resemble) a KGB agent out to track a killer who have been brainwashed. One call from this guy and the reciting of some lines from a Frost poem and that person is hypnotized into going out and committing an act of violence that resembles terrorism in many cases. Donald Pleasance convincingly plays the bad guy and that, I think, is what makes the movie work. Pleasance is credible in the role, thus we fear him and route for Bronson to catch him. Also on hand is Lee Remick as an American agent assigned to help Bronson but who also has a hidden agenda of her own.

Director Don Seigel handles the silly material in a straightforward manner never taking things too seriously. Bronson is less stiff then usual and the action scenes are well done. The ending is a bit abrupt but that is minor nit picking. It's a silly thriller I enjoyed and, if you are a Bronson fan, I am sure you will enjoy it too.