Linda Lovelace Para Presidente

At a political convention staged in an open field, during which we're treated to such zaniness as Polish jokes and pie fights, "Deep Throat" star Linda Lovelace is chosen, unbeknownst to her, as candidate for President of the United States. Following this too-long-at-15-minutes intro, we see Linda address a crowd of admirers. "Thanks for coming," she tells the crowd, then, following embarrassed giggles, "I guess I'm really blowing it." More laughter. And these are the good jokes.

Not that anyone would've expected any better from this sloppy farce that plays like a dirty-minded Three Stooges movie--only not that good. While everyone else in the movie overacts shamelessly (apparently cast members were directed to simply run around like idiots, shouting nonsense--in a "kooky" accent if possible--while the cameras rolled and everyone hoped for the best), Lovelace manages to walk through her movie with relative dignity. And walk through she does, wearing the type of pained smile one sees on wives enduring a visit from their mother-in-law, stopping occasionally to lose her dress, showing off her silicone-injected breasts and indulging in some simulated humping. Lovelace claimed, years later, that she was coerced into making "Deep Throat," yet she seemed so much more at ease and natural in that movie. It's "Linda Lovelace for President" that she seems to be making under duress. Along for a paycheck (and not a very big one) are Scatman Crothers and ex-Monkey Micky Dolenz in small roles. This rare pop culture oddity is worth a look if you can find a copy, though its entertainment value is solely derived from its unabashed awfulness and seeing the late Linda Lovelace make a pitiful attempt at launching a "legitimate" film career.

What a dumb movie! There are lots of character actors you'll recognize in it. Watch for the dirty old man and see if you recognize him. One even changed his name so he wouldn't be associated with it. Lots of worn out puns over and over and over. It might be funny in states where pot is legal. But like I said, there are only two good reasons to watch this movie.

Infamous porn star Linda Lovelace is best known for her amazing control of her gag reflex, not for performing gags, and so fans will be relieved to hear that any woeful attempts at comedy by the Deep Throat legend are more than offset by frequent full frontal nudity from the lovely lady and her enthusiastic participation in soft core sex. Still, Linda's crap comedic skills are no worse than anyone else's in this horribly dated madcap political satire: it's an all-round embarrassment of massive proportions.

Linda Lovelace plays herself, once again catapulted into the limelight when she is nominated as a presidential candidate by an eclectic group of oddball characters. What follows is a dreadfully unfunny, often perplexing series of zany scenes that were surely fuelled by copious amounts of mind-altering substances. Certainly, in order to enjoy this abysmal relic of the mid-70s, one would need to be seriously baked. The chaotic opening scene, in which a committee discusses various candidates before settling on Linda, must rate as one of the biggest tests of a viewer's patience in movie history, seemingly shot without the aid of a script or the need for a director.

With the introduction of an assassin, hired to get rid of Linda when she leads the polls, the film descends into sub-roadrunner cartoon slapstick, each gag more painful than the last. The title of worst performance must go to ex-Monkee Micky Dolenz, whose career almost audibly hits rock bottom (Metal Mickey is a work of genius by comparison), although the competition is hot. Best performance is from a talking chimp (oh, how I wish I was joking).

Linda Lovelace is definitely the best thing about this movie, and the only possible reason for watching it. This takes into account the fact that Linda was an "adult movie" star, and not an actress. Linda was a genuinely nice looking woman. She would not have needed to remove her clothes, in order to catch someone's eye. Of course, I had no problem with Linda removing her clothes. But, she had my attention while she was still dressed. The story of an adult movie star becoming the first female president is pretty silly. The movie is exceedingly stupid. All kinds of (completely unneeded) racial stereotypes. There are many fine character actors here, all of whom were capable of much better than what they did in this movie. The movie has too much dialogue, which is completely unfunny. Again, Linda is the only reason to watch. She absolutely made an impression on me. She looked good without her clothes, but she also looked good with her clothes on. She could have been something better than an "adult movie" star.

It's true that this cheesy flick is manically silly and zips right along with one silly goofy bit after another, but it does have lots of great old 1960s comedians in it. Older folks may recognize Chuck McCann, Joey Forman, Scatman Cruthers, Vaughn Meader, Marty Ingels, Joe E. Ross, and best of all Stanley Myron Handelman, who was a regularly featured comedian on the Dean Martin Variety Show. This movie also has Micky Dolenz of The Monkees in it. It was strange to see one of the best all-time kid show emcees, Chuck McCann play a racist and very lecherous weirdo called "The Assassin". I watched and loved the Chuck McCann show when I was a kid in the early-to mid-1960s. He and Sandy Becker were the all-time best and funniest kid show hosts. Linda Lovelace looks great and very sexy, but unfortunately apparently had no acting skills whatsoever. All in all though, this movie is very watch-able and if you remember those great old comedians the way I do, and you like a little irreverence in your comedy movies, check this one out if you can find it. I wish there was some footage of Stanley Myron Handelman doing his hilarious routine on stage, but alas there isn't. Rest in peace O great one. You are missed.