A*P*E

This movie is so terrible, yet so funny. There are so many flaws with this movie. Many parts of the movie have nothing to do with the plot. The ape one time wears shoes, flicks the camera(and its no accident, he holds it for 4 seconds), and seems to be different sized throughout the movie. You cannot make a worse movie. Period. This movie must be seen, it is too funny to explain.

You know, you just can't beat a movie like "A*P*E" for a good time. And By good time, I mean this movie "s*u*c*k*s." Well, no. It isn't bad as in "never see this movie" bad, it's bad as in "good for a laugh and nothing more" bad. The best part has to be when A*P*E flips off the camera. Wow! I never knew apes really did that! I'm sorry if this doesn't help you as a reader and potential viewer, but I just had to vent a little. Have a nice day, otherwise.

Watch in horror as the A*P*E Mercilessly attacks the same building in 5 different shots, and then sometimes the same shot repeated later in the film. Marvel at the special effects as foam pieces fly off the "rocks" that fall toward the same three men also repeated about five times. Become engrossed in the finely developed characters, and their emotional dialogue like "Just too big for a small world like ours," or "Lets see him dance for his organ grinder now!"

If the makers of this film were serious, I'll be a monkey's uncle, haha. But seriously, you'll have an ape of a time(I don't even think people say that one). I'm not monkeying around; you'll go bananas!

Important note: you can see the head part of the ape costume moving seperately from the rest of the costume and you don't even have to be looking.

Here's what I really think: It's bad, oh boy is it ever, especially the repeated stock footage and footage from other movies, and the 3 minutes, LITERALLY 3 MINUTES, of time wasted by showing children playing with a puppet. There is a shot of firemen rushing through the supposedly panic-stricken city but look closely(or not so closely you can still see it); In the background you can see people shopping. Let's not forget the ending (don't worry, you won't care if I tell you how it ends) which is 15 minutes of tanks shooting, soldiers running up to the camera looking into it, and then shooting 3 or 4 rounds out of a rifle I'm certain only holds one round(I don't know anything about guns, but it had the handle dealy on the side that you cock to load and unload). All this while the ape disco dances which I suppose is him being shot and reacting, but I would think that all that firepower and he would probably run away. Then the ape dies. You can tell it's going to happen too, because after what seems like hours of being shot in the head and chest, the A*P*E vomits blood. These things are the reason to watch the movie. I'm not exaggerating when I say A*P*E is one of the funniest films of all time.

Truly awful King Kong rip-off that is so bad you have to see it to believe it. The ape, said to be thirty-six feet tall, is just some guy in a cheap gorilla suit that the filmmakers got at a costume shop or a yard sale. This isn't even a full body ape suit. It's got sleeves with gloves. There are several instances where you can see the skin of the guy's wrists as he moves his arms about. That's the level of quality we're talking here. That's how few *beeps* this movie gives. He's filmed mostly from the chest up. When they do try to show you some scale for the ape's size, they do it with cheap stuff like toy boats and crummy miniature buildings. The ape also moves in slow motion throughout the movie. Let me be clear: they didn't slow down the film. The "actor" in the ape suit just moved really slowly to emulate slow motion! Like a kid playing make believe.

The cast is especially bad. This is the film debut of Joanna Kerns, the mom from "Growing Pains." Her screams will haunt me for weeks. So unbelievably shrill. Be prepared to turn your volume down. Laughably, at one point while in the palm of the ape's hand, Kerns stops screaming and says "Be gentle with me, big guy." She returns to screaming almost immediately. Bizarre! Kerns has a romantic subplot with a very '70s-looking guy named Rod Arrants. They kiss a lot. Pretty much every time they are in the same scene, Arrants is all over her. Long-time character actor Alex Nicol plays a foul-mouthed Army Colonel here. I have to believe his performance is intended to be funny. It makes no sense any other way. Bruce MacRae is listed as responsible for the music. He should have been arrested and charged with assault. The score is relentless and will make your ears bleed.

As the helicopters approach the ape, he stands there and makes these wild gestures with his arms. For the life of me, it looks a lot like he's dancing. Was the guy in the ape suit inebriated? Very likely. Further evidence of this is the scene where the ape flips off the Army. Yeah. The guy in the ape suit was loaded for sure. It's so terrible. There are lots of pointless scenes. Such as when the ape pulls a snake off of a tree and throws it -- hitting the camera! This goes nowhere. It just cuts away to another scene and when it returns to the ape he's moved on to something else. The only reason I'm giving this a 2 instead of a 1 is because of the unintended comedy. It's one of the worst movies ever made.

This is a great bad movie and many of the scenes are hilarious. If you'd enjoy watching a 60-sec slow-motion scene where a guy in a gorilla costume wrestles an obviously dead shark, thrashing it around and pretending to be in the throes of death, look no further. This whole movie is full of great scenes like that, and if it weren't for an overly drawn out love story subplot, "A.P.E." would be a 5-star unintentional comedy. You get a little bit of everything in this South Korean flick: "Godzilla"-style miniature sets, toy model animals and people, remote control helicopters, firework explosions, and of course, a guy in a gorilla suit. The plot is not important, really, and the film gets right down to brass tacks after about 2-min of backstory. Just know that there is a 35-ft tall ape, and he is going to rampage Korea. Throw in an American actress (Joanna Kerns, of "Growing Pains" fame), her reporter boyfriend, and a pair of Army officers bent on killing the beast, and you have "A.P.E." The direction and editing are sometimes stunningly inept, resulting in several great "WTF moments," including my favorite when a character is hanging off the outside door of a moving jeep, for seemingly no reason. Anyhow, I could go on forever with this one. As far as bad movies go, "A.P.E." is a definite keeper. You are going to get laughs out of this one.