Adventures of a Taxi Driver

Problem with sex comedies is they are not sexy or funny. Most are cheaply made to make some easy cash. Of course before the internet these films had a captive market - men.

There are worse film than this - if you are British and over 50 you will see a few familiar faces.

The first in a series of abysmal Confessions-wannabes, the Adventures trilogy are sterile, desperately unfunny sex comedies, with horrendous direction and dire production values.

The first starred a miscast Barry Evans, trying hard to be laddish but drawing somewhat short. He's a sensitive chap, the sort that can tell "whether a bird's had a right good seeing-to the night before" and cheers himself up by "picking up a bit of crumpet." Evans's constant talking straight to camera is supposed to be endearing, but it's really just irritating. Christopher Neil's Bob West made this a more likeable trait in Adventures of a Private Eye, though it was toned down and notably dropped altogether for the third film in the franchise.

The series always goes farther than Confessions ever did, too. So that while Timmy Lea's escapades were really the next generation of Carry Ons with a few more boobs, the Adventures have a slightly nasty edge. After four weeks of watching Robin Askwith's rear end it's a shock to see Evans's and Neil's willy flapping all over the place, and the sex scenes are notably more graphic. In particular, a scene intimating a woman being penetrated by a snake lurches the film towards X-rated territory. Sex with animals seemed to be a particular preoccupation of the series, with the second sequel, Plumber's Mate, featuring a coupling with a mouse. Look out too for pathetically staged "squashed cat" scenario (cue man off camera making unconvincing "cat" noises), the nadir of Plumber's Mate, one of the most amateurish films I've ever seen.

On the subject of the sequels, Private Eye surprises by being halfway decent, though still cries out for incidental music to perk up the somewhat lifeless atmosphere. Even performing the theme song, Christopher Neil gives a zippy, amiable performance, something he was unable to do with the obnoxious character of Sid South in Plumber's Mate. One thing the series did bring to the proceedings was plots, so much so that Private Eye even largely forgets to put the sex into sex comedy. It takes away the nasty edge for once, and is more traditionally humorous. (Basically, it's got some jokes in it.)

But back to Taxi Driver, a picture that never gets started. The irksome theme tune is sung twice during the movie in a flagging bid to pep up proceedings, and five times as an instrumental. David Brierley (One of the K-9s from Doctor Who, no less!) provides an opening monologue, juxtaposing images of cab life with an upbeat narration. So then when he talks about the "gallant knights of the road", we see a cabbie flicking the v-sign, and so on. And on. And on. Like the rest of the films pace, it's a joke that wears thin after the first three seconds, and positively aches by being extended past its natural lifespan.

Transvestites, prostitutes and oral sex references, the weirdest thing about all this is that this sexist tripe was written by a woman.

I have now seen more British sex comedies than any non-British- compulsive-pud-puller-from-the-1970's by all rights should have. The best of this genre (relatively speaking, of course) is the "Confessions of" series, of which this an obvious--and clearly inferior--knock-off. Still, it's also better than stuff like "The Amorous Milkman" and the "What's Up" series (and I'm sure I've only begun to plumb the dismal depths of this genre). This movie, as you might guess, is about the adventures of a taxi driver. Like 'the "Confessions of" series it purports to be somewhat realistic slice-of-life look at the earthy British working-class (but I suspect that if the actual British working class were all getting laid this much, they wouldn't have always been angry and on strike in the 70's). This movie isn't any less realistic than the "Confessions of" series, but it's a lot less funny. And Barry Evans is not nearly as charming and likable as Robin Askwith, let alone Michael Caine (he is always turning around and talking into the camera like Cain in "Alfie").

But--let's face it--nobody really watched these movies for the comedy or for the male lead. And the female cast here is pretty impressive. Judy Geeson has one of those irritating roles of a stripper who we never actually see strip, but she is pretty funny as the Evan's roommate's girlfriend whose pet snake ("part of my act") creates much mayhem. Anna (daughter of Igemar) Bergman plays a fellow stripper who DOES strip and who later gives the protagonist a good sound shagging. The producers apparently couldn't get Linda Hayden from the "Confessions of" series, so they got the next best thing--her younger sister Jane, who Evan's character rescues from a suicide attempt and almost scores with. 50's bombshell Liz Frazier ("I'm Alright Jack") has a genuinely funny role as a prostitute who has a little, uh, accident with a very unfortunate client in the back of the hero's cab. And Angela Scoular and Prudence Drage have small parts (but clearly saved the producers a lot on wardrobe costs). Only Adrienne Posta is kind of irritating as Evan's oft-cuckolded fiancée (she's supposed to be irritating, but she REALLY overdoes it). She also belts out the horrid theme song "My Cruisin' Casanova" (it's no wonder the British Empire collapsed).

I wouldn't recommend this to anyone who doesn't already have some misbegotten affection for this genre, but you could do worse I guess.

Never one to pass up a good band wagon he could hop onto, small time independent producer Stanley Long saw the benefits major player Columbia was reaping from its innocuously naughty CONFESSIONS series with Robin Askwith portraying hapless Timothy Lea and decided that, yes, he would have a bit of that ! Already beaten to the punch as far as peeping tom window cleaners and pop performers knee-deep in groupies were concerned, he and regular screenwriter Suzanne Mercer (ironically, herself a reformed groupie and author of the supposedly autobiographical script for Long's surprise smash hit GROUPIE GIRL) turned their attentions towards another profession legendary for its lusty Lotharios, the London cabbie ?!

Now you must understand something about the British sex comedy and, by extension, the British themselves. These frothy farces play much like popular TV sitcoms like, say, ON THE BUSES or SOME MOTHERS DO 'AVE 'EM but with a little bit of what the goggle box would not allow in the form of nowadays - and actually even back then - really rather tame nudity, made to seem a lot dirtier by the leering, wink-wink, nudge-nudge approach. As any attempt at genuine eroticism made domestic audiences uncomfortable, evoked by disappointing box office takings for the likes of Henry Herbert's AWAKENING OF EMILY and Chris Boger's CRUEL PASSION, this tits 'n' titters combo proved just the meal ticket Long was looking for, jump-starting a separate series that ran for three episodes (subsequent installments concerning private detectives and...plumbers ?!) with several more planned that sadly (?) went unrealized.

Adhering to tried and true formula, Long secured the talents of Barry Evans (star of the hit TV show DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE and its follow-up DOCTOR AT LARGE) for the central part of working class laddie Joe North and surrounded him with many comfortingly familiar faces for the home viewing audience he was trying to lure away from their sets with the promise of T&A. Post-war British bombshell Diana Dors had a few funny scenes as Joe's loud-mouthed single mom with three kids sired by different dads and was starting to carve out a niche as a sexploitation character actress since American director Joe Sarno had cast her as the whorehouse Madam in EVERY AFTERNOON. Formerly respectable comedienne Liz Fraser showed no shame as kindhearted working girl Maisie in one of the film's best gags when Joe's sudden slamming the brakes makes her back seat fellatio end in tears. Already a sitcom veteran by her mid-20s, Adrienne Posta gives it her all as our hero's obnoxious fiancée Carol.

Plot, such as it is, concerns Joe trying to leave an overpopulated homestead by working long hours as a London cab driver and the outrageous scrapes he gets himself into, effectively breaking down the narrative into a series of sketches building variety show style towards punchlines. Joe shacks up with buddy Tom, a greasy mechanic played in an early professional assignment by Robert Lindsay, best know for heading the cast of long-running BBC sitcom MY FAMILY, who has just moved in with sweet stripper Nikki (Blighty cinema royalty Judy Geeson, who doesn't bare much of anything, profession notwithstanding) who keeps a python around the house as part of her act. One of the more extended stretches has the trio inviting Nikki's fellow stripper Helga (Anna Bergman, Ingmar's daughter, making her Brit sex film debut) over for a game of strip poker, ending in a bedroom romp with Joe, rudely interrupted by Carol. A bungled diamond heist takes up flick's latter part in a fruitless effort to tie up loose ends.

Technically on the crude side with flat, colorless cinematography by Peter Sinclair (who would shoot Madonna's legendary Like a Virgin video), movie's not without its share of laughs for the undemanding. The late Prudence Drage (also in Martin Campbell's ESKIMO NELL and Derek Ford's SEXPLORER) has a field day as an upper-crust pick-up who bemoans the clothing industry's poor workmanship as her fancy frock "accidentally" falls to the floor. Respected denizen of stage and screen Angela Scoular, who played Cathy in a '60s BBC version of WUTHERING HEIGHTS, performs surprisingly extensive nudity as the wife of a wealthy businessman who has inadvertently locked herself out of the house and winds up sharing a particularly uncomfortable bubble bath with Joe. Benny Hill's straight man Henry McGee turns up as the police inspector in film's final scene. Long most obviously flirted with the CONFESSIONS franchise by casting its leading lady Linda Hayden's sister Jane as suicide-prone drama queen Linda (!) in an amusing bit with DAD'S ARMY's Ian Lavender.

Spurred on by the success of the ribald, 1970s 'Confessions of…' sex comedies, producer/director Stanley Long began his own series in the same vein, the 'Adventures of…' films, starting with Adventures of a Taxi Driver. This first film quickly sets the tone for the whole series: crude and not particularly funny.

Mind Your Language star Barry Evans plays Joe North, a cheeky London cabbie who uses his job as a means of chatting his way into the knickers of his tastier clientèle. Little more than a series of smutty skits in which North experiences variety of silly sexcapades (allowing for the obligatory nudity from some quality British crumpet, and occasional flash of Evan's todger), the film is unsophisticated nonsense with little of the charm or wit of the films it so obviously seeks to emulate.

3.5/10, generously rounded up to 4 for lovely Jane Hayden as Linda (which, coincidentally, is the name of Jane's equally attractive big sister), a suicidal woman saved by North, who tries to help the poor girl out by shagging her (NOT a method recommended by The Samaritans, I believe).