Mil Séculos Antes de Cristo

Raquel Welch's later, more solid acting performances will never erase our memories of this dinosaur-epic wherein she runs around in full cavegirl regalia. Then again, she may not want them to. Time has been surprisingly kind to this reworking of 1940's "One Million B.C." The special effects are very good, the wilds of prehistoric nature are often excitingly, colorfully captured, and handsome John Richardson is charismatic as a caveman who, along with Welch, ditches his tribe to set out on a personal journey. Yes, it's Raquel in a fur-bikini that most people will remember, but a good time is had by all. **1/2 from ****

Watching 1970s TV screenings of 'One Million Years BC', the Connery Bond movies, the original 'Planet Of The Apes' and 'The Omega Man' made an enormous impact on my childhood that I don't think I've ever truly recovered from! Looking at it now as an adult you can see how laughably stupid it all is, but you can't help but still love it! The vision of Raquel Welch in her animal skin bikini nearly brought puberty on five years early for me. She's still a sight to see but the charms of Martine Beswick ('Dr Jekyll and Sister Hyde', 'A Bullet For The General') are now more to my taste. She's sensational!

The plot, such that it is, concerns Tumak (John Richardson of 'She'), one of the "rock people" who look like spaghetti western refugees and like nothing better than grunting, wearing fur, and beating the crap out of each other. Tumak falls out with his old man and brother, is banished and after some aimless wandering around avoiding dinosaurs (and in one surreal moment a giant tarantula!), he stumbles across the hitherto unknown "shell people". They are blonde surfer types who introduce him to such innovations as improved spears, hot water, painting, crying and feminism. And also to the babelicious Loana (Welch) who takes a shine to him. Tumak still has "attitude problems" and ends up getting banished from their tribe too, but with Loana and a new and improved spear what more can the guy want? Of course he heads straight back to his homies and yes, there's trouble ahead including fraternal friction, a jealous ex (Nupondi, the stunning Beswick), lots of Harryhausen dinosaurs, and exploding volcanos. Does mindless entertainment get any better than this? Hardly ever. Add a cool score from Mario Nascimbene and what you have is a classic piece of unforgettably trashy exploitation.

One thing that newcomers to Hammer need to appreciate is that many of their films are low-budget, and kitsch, and One Million Years B.C scores high on the cheese-factor even by Hammer's yardstick. The film's tagline is laughably off-target – "This is the way it was!" – I am almost positive cavewomen didn't have immaculately coiffured hair, push-up loincloth bras, eyeliner, and waxed legs, while their primitive menfolk did battle with dinosaurs that scientifically speaking died out many millions of years earlier. Needless to say, a willing suspension of disbelief is a prerequisite to enjoyment of this movie.

Inappropriate marketing aside, if you can get past these hurdles, B.C is an entertaining, if mindless, action movie, and one which is elevated to ongoing cult status thanks to 2 main factors - Raquel Welch and Ray Harryhausen.

Even if you have never heard of this film, chances are at some point you have been exposed to "that picture". Raquel Welch is THE reason this film's cult following is 95% male, and seeing her in her loincloth bikini is quite honestly a sight to behold. Fleeing from giant dinosaurs, and fighting with cavewomen, this role in a low-budget British monster movie is the one that put her on the map and created one of the greatest sex symbols ever to light up the silver screen.

Only just losing out to Raquel Welch as the star of the show, are the creatures themselves. Animated by the inimitable, legendary Ray Harryhausen (as far as I know the only special effects guru to become a household name in his own right) the creatures are brilliantly realised, and integrated seamlessly with the live-action elements. Aside from Jason and the Argonauts, and Clash of the Titans, this is some of his best work – the Allosaur attack on the shell-people's village being a real technical accomplishment and highlight of the film. The results are slightly marred though by the the integration of real animals, shot and superimposed to look massive. An early attack from a giant, half-asleep looking iguana is hardly menacing, nor is a (thankfully very brief) appearance by a gigantic tarantula that is trying to eat an equally gigantic cricket. These negative moments are forgotten though when Harryhausen's flawless stop-motion takes center stage, bringing us the iconic triceratops fight amongst other great set-pieces.

Thanks to the jaw-dropping "talents" of Raquel Welch, the rest of the cast are pretty expendable. Even main star John Richardson's character of Tumak could have been played by a monkey in a spacesuit when Welch was on screen, no-one would have noticed. Everyone plays as well as they need to though, given the grunt-riddled, running-away-from-an-imaginary-monster screenplay. The storyline is simplistic, (primitive man learns tolerance and civility) and is basically a thinly veiled cover for a series of awesome action set-pieces and monster vs human battle sequences, and a vehicle for the scantily clad Raquel Welch to run around getting sweaty and dirty, which can only be considered a bonus.

In summary, leave your brain at the door and you are likely to have a great time. This is a cult classic; a camp, entertaining showcase for Harryhausen's skills, and while shallow, has enough action and sex-appeal to please the average testosterone-laden viewer. Worth watching for Raquel Welch's magnetic presence alone.

This movie is everything a prehistoric adventure should be. Forget the fact that dinosaurs and man did not co-exist...this is just as much a fantasy as "Jason and the Argonauts" or "Star Wars".

The world of "One Million Years B.C." is insanely brutal, where man is the weakest creature in a harsh landscape of volcanoes and giant monsters. The Rock People have lives that are "nasty, brutish and short", where only the strongest survive. They are dominated by the rugged chief Akoba, whose two sons Tumak and Sakana are in a constant battle to see who will gain his favor. Sakana gains the upper hand and Tumak is banished into the wastelands. After dodging monsters, he finally arrives at the seaside domain of the Shell People, who are more cultured and civilized. He captures the eye of the beautiful Loana and the two have a non-stop series of adventures.

The narrative is direct and primitive, befitting the primeval setting. John Richardson is quite good as Tumak...he is decent but still has a lot of barbarism in him. As for young Raquel Welch, not even the special effects of Ray Harryhausen could outshine her incredible beauty in this film. Even in our own time, gorgeous babes like these are rare...they would be totally impossible in the prehistoric world. The stunning Raquel is pure eye candy and succeeds better in this regard than any other actress in film history. Especially noteworthy is her cat-fight with sultry Martine Beswick, no slouch in the looks department herself.

Ray Harryhausen outdoes himself again with brilliant stop motion dinosaurs. Look at the realistic movements of these creatures, which have not been surpassed by CGI. The ravenous Allosaurus who duels with Tumak is a particular stand-out, but the battling Triceratops and Ceratosaur are also pretty cool. The movie also features the more standard giant lizard dressed up and made huge, but even this scene is better than most of its ilk. An eerie scene featuring ape-men and some colossal earthquake and erupting volcanoes round out an exciting picture.

Don't look for anything really deep in this one. Just expect primitive action with plenty of monsters, battling cavemen and the awesome Raquel Welch. This movie does everything it sets out to do.

Ray Harryhausens work is unparalleled and is once again to be admired in this film. I was intrigued that the first thing hygiene wise that humans (at least women) must have come up with was shaving. The females in this movie are all clean shaven in places where women traditionally have kept themselves clean shaven. The men obviously weren't going to learn this art until some time later. Nonetheless this motion picture is one of those that never gets tired with repeated viewings.