Mil Séculos Antes de Cristo

One Million Years B.C. is THE film that made me a movie fan and lover of all things prehistoric! Ray Harryhausen's creatures are great, the music adds superbly to the atmosphere, the location photography looks just right (just ignore the occasional obvious set), and there has never been a better-looking cavegirl than Raquel Welch!

A solid-gold guilty pleasure! Actually, what's there to be guilty about? This film is solid-gold entertainment!

This movie is everything a prehistoric adventure should be. Forget the fact that dinosaurs and man did not co-exist...this is just as much a fantasy as "Jason and the Argonauts" or "Star Wars".

The world of "One Million Years B.C." is insanely brutal, where man is the weakest creature in a harsh landscape of volcanoes and giant monsters. The Rock People have lives that are "nasty, brutish and short", where only the strongest survive. They are dominated by the rugged chief Akoba, whose two sons Tumak and Sakana are in a constant battle to see who will gain his favor. Sakana gains the upper hand and Tumak is banished into the wastelands. After dodging monsters, he finally arrives at the seaside domain of the Shell People, who are more cultured and civilized. He captures the eye of the beautiful Loana and the two have a non-stop series of adventures.

The narrative is direct and primitive, befitting the primeval setting. John Richardson is quite good as Tumak...he is decent but still has a lot of barbarism in him. As for young Raquel Welch, not even the special effects of Ray Harryhausen could outshine her incredible beauty in this film. Even in our own time, gorgeous babes like these are rare...they would be totally impossible in the prehistoric world. The stunning Raquel is pure eye candy and succeeds better in this regard than any other actress in film history. Especially noteworthy is her cat-fight with sultry Martine Beswick, no slouch in the looks department herself.

Ray Harryhausen outdoes himself again with brilliant stop motion dinosaurs. Look at the realistic movements of these creatures, which have not been surpassed by CGI. The ravenous Allosaurus who duels with Tumak is a particular stand-out, but the battling Triceratops and Ceratosaur are also pretty cool. The movie also features the more standard giant lizard dressed up and made huge, but even this scene is better than most of its ilk. An eerie scene featuring ape-men and some colossal earthquake and erupting volcanoes round out an exciting picture.

Don't look for anything really deep in this one. Just expect primitive action with plenty of monsters, battling cavemen and the awesome Raquel Welch. This movie does everything it sets out to do.

Raquel Welch's later, more solid acting performances will never erase our memories of this dinosaur-epic wherein she runs around in full cavegirl regalia. Then again, she may not want them to. Time has been surprisingly kind to this reworking of 1940's "One Million B.C." The special effects are very good, the wilds of prehistoric nature are often excitingly, colorfully captured, and handsome John Richardson is charismatic as a caveman who, along with Welch, ditches his tribe to set out on a personal journey. Yes, it's Raquel in a fur-bikini that most people will remember, but a good time is had by all. **1/2 from ****

Take off your cultural blinders...the one you put on when you watch a "trashy" movie...and think about what you are actually experiencing as you watch this movie. Is it merely a "trash" entertainment? To be sure, Raquel Welch in her furkini, the now quaint quality of the Harryhausen effects, the girl fight between Raquel and Martine Beswick, all provide the frisson of "trash" delight. But this movie is much more than that, a tour de force of imagination, and a heartbreaking work of staggering genius. The vision of man adrift in a hostile universe, at odds with his fellow creatures, his own untamed emotions, and the apocalyptic earth itself, is haunting and beautiful. Our only hope is Raquel, who offers a transcendent vision of peace and love--without uttering a word.

Special kudos to the music. Where the special effects strain against their limits, as in the terrifying pterodactyl attack and the final upheaval, the music carries home the emotion. I am reminded of Schopenhauer: "The internal relation that music has to the true nature of all things can also explain the fact that, when music suitable to any scene, action, event, or environment is played, it seems to disclose to us its utmost secret meaning and appears to be the most accurate and distinct commentary on it." In a film where words matter so little, the music is especially crucial. As you watch the pterodactyl snatch Raquel and carry her off to feed its young while the other humans watch in helpless dismay, listen to the music, and think about the "utmost secret meaning" of what you are witnessing. This is an artistic moment of astounding ambition, and there are many such moments throughout this sustained meditation on man and the universe.

A few years later, the same team made Creatures the World Forgot, a more "realistic" look at prehistoric survival sans dinosaurs, with a Cain and Abel story that is riveting...and my god, the cave people are hot!

Watching 1970s TV screenings of 'One Million Years BC', the Connery Bond movies, the original 'Planet Of The Apes' and 'The Omega Man' made an enormous impact on my childhood that I don't think I've ever truly recovered from! Looking at it now as an adult you can see how laughably stupid it all is, but you can't help but still love it! The vision of Raquel Welch in her animal skin bikini nearly brought puberty on five years early for me. She's still a sight to see but the charms of Martine Beswick ('Dr Jekyll and Sister Hyde', 'A Bullet For The General') are now more to my taste. She's sensational!

The plot, such that it is, concerns Tumak (John Richardson of 'She'), one of the "rock people" who look like spaghetti western refugees and like nothing better than grunting, wearing fur, and beating the crap out of each other. Tumak falls out with his old man and brother, is banished and after some aimless wandering around avoiding dinosaurs (and in one surreal moment a giant tarantula!), he stumbles across the hitherto unknown "shell people". They are blonde surfer types who introduce him to such innovations as improved spears, hot water, painting, crying and feminism. And also to the babelicious Loana (Welch) who takes a shine to him. Tumak still has "attitude problems" and ends up getting banished from their tribe too, but with Loana and a new and improved spear what more can the guy want? Of course he heads straight back to his homies and yes, there's trouble ahead including fraternal friction, a jealous ex (Nupondi, the stunning Beswick), lots of Harryhausen dinosaurs, and exploding volcanos. Does mindless entertainment get any better than this? Hardly ever. Add a cool score from Mario Nascimbene and what you have is a classic piece of unforgettably trashy exploitation.