Com Minha Mulher, Não Senhor

Two buddies from the Korean War vie for the affections of a military nurse; one of them eventually marries her, but that doesn't stop the other man from trying to grab her one last time. Colorful opening sequence gives way to galumphing, desperate antics. Tony Curtis is more attuned to the script and the handling than is George C. Scott (who is lost at sea); Virna Lisi tops them both with a sensuously silly performance. She's really the only reason to watch, as the laughs are spread far and wide. Comedy veterans Melvin Frank and Norman Panama originated the story, though Frank's work was apparently squeezed out of the final draft (the screenplay is credited to Panama, Larry Gelbart, and Peter Barnes). Either way, it's disastrous. * from ****

"Not With My Wife, You Don't" is the sort of film that probably played much better back in the day. Today, it just seems tiresome and boorish.

The film finds Tony Curtis in the Air Force. He's apparently very good at protocol and is a bit of a star within the service. But because he's so efficient, he pays very little attention to his lovely wife (Virna Lisi). Then, in a lengthy flashback, you see how he and an Air Force buddy (George C. Scott) fought over her during the Korean War. And, eventually, Curtis' character tricks his friend out of the girl and marries her. Now, his old buddy is returning for a visit and Curtis is worried the guy will make the moves on his wife.

Seeing two rutting pigs chasing after a lady--lying, cheating and being disingenuous jerks all the while--is NOT my idea of a fun film. It's downright tedious. I didn't care about the characters....and I just felt very bored by the whole thing. A huge misfire.

I've watched this film a few times over the past few years because the it does my head in. In the Tony Curtis autobiography he said he wanted to play the George C Scott role. He should have. Other reviews make a comparison to Hope and Crosby films and rightfully so, this is more Bob and Bing than Tony and George.

So here's the problem. George and Tony are both in the military and George is Tony's superior. Both are in love with Virna. Virna marries Tony. That makes sense.

However Tony is sent away and George uses this time to romance Virna and she is okay with this and Tony is the "sort of" jealous husband. It may happen in real life but in a Hollywood film, it's the craggy faced George who should be married to Virna worried about what the handsome and charming Tony is up to, that may make for fun comedy, maybe.

In a Bing and Bob movie it's obvious, Bob marries Verna and is worried what the sneaky Bing would be getting up to.

Here's a thought Robert Downey Jnr remakes this movie (plot) with say Russell Crowe for example. However Downey plays the charmer. It could work, however it may not be worth the effort.

Although Tony Curtis in his memoirs compared Not With My Wife You Don't to a Crosby/Hope Road picture in point of fact this film for me came off more like one of those post sound Flagg and Quirt movies. Certainly the military aspect of this film lent itself better to the Captain Flagg Sergeant Quirt hijinks. And neither Curtis or Scott warbled a note.

When we meet the guys they're in Korea, a pair of Air Force fliers who are rivals for everything including Italian nurse Virna Lisi. Curtis wins her by foul means though when Scott is shot down on a mission. He's all right, but he's shipped to hospital in Manila. Curtis intercepts the telegram saying so and tells Lisi he died. So she marries him, possibly on the rebound.

14 years go by and Curtis is now a Lieutenant-Colonel stationed in Europe and Scott gets stationed there. Of course he has to fake surprise that his old buddy is alive and actually has a higher rank. When Scott learns of the deception the old games resume with a vengeance.

In his memoirs Curtis says that Scott was an actor of great intensity who really could over power other players. He had to really be on his toes to make sure he didn't steal the whole film. I suspect there was a little bit of professional jealousy in his words. Now that Curtis, Scott, and Lisi are all gone they can argue it out in the next world.

Fans of the three stars should like it. But whatever it is Not With My Wife You Don't is far from a male buddy picture.

Korean War buddies Tony Curtis (as Tom) and George C. Scott (as Tank) would rather fight over blonde Italian beauty Virna Lisi (as Julie). She likes to have two of everything, but Ms. Lisi can't juggle two contentious colonels. Lisi marries Mr. Curtis, but since he won her deceptively, she may decide to hook up with Mr. Scott. Naturally, Mr. Curtis thinks, "Not with My Wife, You Don't!"

After Bob Hope's cameo, it occurred to me that if they were 20 years younger, Mr. Hope and Bing Crosby might have starred in this film. Hope would play "Tom" and Mr. Crosby would be perfect as "Tank"; of course, somehow both Hope and Crosby would be sent snow-sledding to Labrador. Now, who would win Virna Lisi is debatable. Well, flash-forward to director Norman Panama's present…

The actors have a few good moments, like Curtis trying show Scott he's temporarily gone blind, in an early hospital scene. And, later in the running time, watch for the very best part of the movie, with Scott and Curtis joining Lisi in a black-and-white Italian movie spoof - if only the entire movie were as good as this scene. Most prophetic line: Curtis, in Arab drag, says "Let's get the Shah on the road."

**** Not with My Wife, You Don't! (11/2/66) Norman Panama ~ Tony Curtis, George C. Scott, Virna Lisi