Dio, sei proprio un padreterno!

Although described as a comedy I found few laughs in Mean Frank And Crazy Tony. This continental production boasts a cast of Lee Van Cleef and Tony Lo Bianco and a bunch of players that most Americans will never have heard of.

Van Cleef is a Mafia don on the order of Don Corleone and Lo Bianco is a young kid looking to make his bones in organized crime and tries way too hard to curry favor with Van Cleef. But when he saves his life after another family organizes a hit on him, Van Cleef and Lo Bianco become a team as Van Cleef looks for some payback.

Highlight of the film is a car chase from Milan to Marseilles with the guys making fools of the cops of two nations. Lo Bianco overacts outrageously, Van Cleef is subdued and menacing. When is Lee Van Cleef not menacing.

One these two definitely did for the money.

One of the few good things (maybe) to come out of Quentin Tarantino's recent ill-fated attempt to bring a multi-million dollar 70's "grindhouse" flick to suburban multiplexes is a renewed interest in actual 70's grindhouse movies. I don't know if this movie ever actually played grindhouses (it's a little tame actually), but like a lot of movies on the recent "The Grindhouse Experience" DVD compilation it's just as bad and in the same crappy condition as many movies that did. This is an Italian crime thriller featuring two very familiar figures from 70's Italian exploitation films--no, I'm not talking about an aging Lee Van Cleef or still-unknown (and-never-really-to-be) Tony LoBianco, I'm talking about Edwige Fenech's left breast and Edwige Fenech's right breast.

Fenech herself is wasted (as woman usually were in these films) in a story about a young, ambitious mobster (LoBianco) who gets himself arrested so he can meet his idol, a powerful godfather (Van Cleef), but gets a lot more than he bargained for, becoming mixed up in a prison break and raging gang war. Some of these Italian crime thrillers are pretty good actually, but it's hard to know how seriously to take some others because they are often horribly dubbed by English-speakers who were obviously taking their job pretty lightly. This is a gritty urban 70's action movie, but the idiotic dubbing crew act like their doing an off-Broadway rendition of "Guys and Dolls" (Fenech in particular is saddled with the incongruous voice of a bad Mae West impersonator). This might be a decent movie with subtitles or halfway competent dubbing, but it's hard to tell. As it is I'd recommend it only to those who just can't get enough of Edwige Fenech boobs.

This movie takes place in Italy (Genoa and the Riviera) and in France. There is no death row in those countries. And the prisoners have minestrone for dinner. There is a lot you can do with minestrone – you can even use it as a weapon and it has a real filmic potential! The story on the cover of this cheap DVD is not what you will see. But there is Lee Van Cleef all right. He is some kind of Mafia Don, and he looks meek, like some kind of a bookkeeper (which he apparently was in real life). For an escape from prison (it's a cinch!) he is given some workman's clothes, a half length blue coat and a blue peaked cap - and suddenly he looks like Lenin, and I mean the true Vladimir Illich on one of those kitschy Socialist Realism paintings. It is hilarious! The resemblance is so striking that it cannot be a coincidence.

The story is not good – well, hardly existing, the editing is chaotic, the unrestored print used for the DVD occasionally badly scratched. But some scenes are really well directed, the acting, the set design and the photography are above average. As often in Italian movies of the period: interesting details, messy as a whole. The movie is principally a comedy. Tony Lo Bianco is hilarious as a small time pimp who thinks the Don is god (he plays a mixture of Roberto Benigni and Eric Roberts in Runaway Train). Van Cleef's adversary is played by Jean Rochefort, a great French character actor who more often plays roles in powdered wigs. There are elements of Film Noir, interesting interiors and lighting and a long and very funny car chase. It's the kind of movie that smart guys like Quentin Tarantino learned from, I guess. And if you like old Alfa Romeo police cars skidding through narrow alleys and Edwige Fenech bare breasted, you are really in for a treat.

Everyone is familiar with Lee Van Cleef from the spaghetti westerns - Return of Sabata, For a Few Dollars More, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - but, he also made spaghetti crime flicks, too.

This one, produced by Dino de Laurentiis and directed by Michele Lupo, also stars Tony Lo Bianco, who is a familiar movie name on both sides of the law.

This was in his younger, thinner years, and he plays a small-time hood that is infatuated with big boss Frankie Diomede (Van Cleef), who pays him no attention until he saves his life.

Neat car chase down the mountains and lots of killer by gun, drill and freezer.

And skintastic display by Edwige Fenech (Hostel II), who has many many skintastic moments to her credit.

Although I'm grateful this obscure gem of 70's Italian exploitation cinema features in the recently released "Grindhouse Experience" box set, and although it's also available on disc under the misleading and stupid alternate title "Escape from Death Row", I honestly think it deserves a proper and luxurious DVD edition, completely in its originally spoken languages with subtitle options (the dubbing is truly horrible), restored picture quality and a truckload of special bonus features! Heck, I don't even need the restored picture quality and bonus features if only we could watch the film in its original language. "Mean Frank and Crazy Tony" is a cheerfully fast-paced mafia/crime flick with a lot of violence, comedy (which, admittedly, doesn't always work), feminine beauty and two witty main characters. Tony Lo Bianco is terrific as the small thug pretending to be the city's biggest Don. When the real crime lord Frankie Dio (Lee Van Cleef) arrives in town, he sees an opportunity to climb up the ladder by offering his services. Frankie initially ignores the little crook, but they do eventually form an unlikely team when Frankie's entire criminal empire turns against him and a new French criminal mastermind even assassinates Frankie's innocent brother. Tony helps Frankie to escape from prison and together they head for Marseille to extract Frankie's revenge. The script of this sadly neglected crime gem funnily alters gritty action & suspense with light-headed bits of comedy, like the grotesque car chase through the narrow French mountain roads for example. The build up towards the typical mafia execution sequences (guided by an excellent Riz Ortolani score) are extremely tense and the actual killings are sadistic and merciless, which is probably why the film is considered to be somewhat of a grindhouse classic. The film lacks a strong female lead, as the lovely and amazingly voluptuous beauty Edwige Fenech sadly just appears in a couple of scenes, and then still in the background. On of the men behind the camera, responsible for the superb cinematography, was no less then Joe D'Amato. Great film, highly recommended to fans of Italian exploitation, and I hope to watch it again soon in its original version.