O Super Homem do Karate

...perhaps I ought say "distilled" rather than refined - this film embodies the concentrated essence of the trashy 70s action flick, a heady brew for the irony-poisoned minds of today's trash conisseur's minds (e.g. mine).

"Stoner" (as it was labelled at my local rental store) opens with a shot of an urbanely smug 'Asian drug lord' kicking back in his office. The walls are all red, his desk perpetually rotates, and there's a big map on the wall covered in flashing lights. The mere shock of the decor alone sets the tone for the remainder of the movie - jerky fight scenes, needless sexploitation, and pornstar swaggering all drenched in polyester and enveloped in a funky soundtrack punctuated with some very strange moog.

Needless to say, it's hilarious. George Lazenby, incidentally, proves himself pretty useless throughout the film, both in-character and out-. The real star is Angela Mao, rolling her eyes about furiously and kicking arse in the surprisingly good final fight scene. I guess George's role was played up for Western release so we'd have a strutting, obnoxious white guy to relate to.

George Lazenby shows some impressive agility as a kung-fu expert (as an actor, he still sucks!) and Angela Mao is a real fighting powerhouse, but they still can't save this incredibly choppy, incomprehensibly plotted and atrociously dubbed action film. I gave up on trying to follow the "story" early on; you should give up on even thinking about ever watching this movie. (*1/2)

Lazenby plays Stoner, a cop who in search of a organization who makes "the love pill" that is killing and spreading the market in Australia. Angela Mao only has a supporting part for top billing, so it makes me wonder if she is the lead (with more footage) in the HK version. The dubbing is terrible, but good action scenes helps. Look for Sammo Hung and Kurata Yasuaki as the bad guys fighter.

As a fan of bad movies (and MST3K, and a member of MFT3K), I must say I've seen my share of them. But geez! Even the worst I've seen at least had a soundtrack. As George Lazenby stiffly wanders around Hong Kong, doing who knows what, you can guarantee that you won't be distracted by any of that background music that fills todays cinema. Or any of that music that fills elevators. I don't think anyone in this film even hums.

Now, this isn't entirely true -- there *is* a sound track. if you listen closely, you will hear it chime in about a half-dozen times through the course of the film. Of course, the timing will be entirely inappropriate, and it doesn't last very long, but something that could be classified as "music" does occur. Your best bet, though, is to sit your toddler armed with a wooden spoon down in front of the TV with a collection of pots and pans while you watch. The rhythm and flow would be better than anything the film offers.

Keep an eye out for Sammo Hung as a minor villian in this film. Aren't we all glad he found Jackie Chan to work with?

Barely a movie. I think it comes alive at the very end, when they decide to have one decently choreographed fight scene, but it's otherwise a very pedestrian affair. It's a bit sleazy, and there are lots of small hand-to-hand fight sequences throughout, but most are repetitive and not very much fun to watch. A couple of people sort of team up and take down a bunch of criminals. You go into it hoping you'll unearth some hidden gem, but then come away going, "Ah okay, that's why it lives in obscurity."

Also, this film has some of the worst music I've ever heard in a movie. There's this one piece of music with about half an hour to go that felt like torture. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be sound effects or music, or a bit of both, but it sounds like footsteps kind of, but also experimental, and extremely annoying. And it just goes on and on. It made finishing this film a challenge.