O Super Homem do Karate

How does one dare to describe the pure majestic brilliance of this outlandish chunk of cinematic history in just one essay? Holy smokes, I'll give it a shot. Superlative, majestic, confronting, heart renching and above all really good and stuff are just some of the adjectives I will use to describe this emotional rollercoaster of a 35mm brilliance. I was so excited when I first saw Stoner, that I punched my elderly neighbour in the back of the head. Move over Steven, step aside Martin and go home Quentin, Feng Huang is here and he means business. From go to whoa this film packs non stop underpant exploding action that'll have you begging your best mate's auntie for more. Apparently this film was so popular in Amsterdam, that men started shaving off their eyebrows and colouring their armpits with lipstick in a effort to emulate Lazenby's modern-day Hamlet, Detective Stoner. Thank god Jack Palance turned down the role of Stoner or we would not have been treated to such a enigmatic foray into the world of contemporary cinema from The Georgie Lazmeistser. All in do you self a favour, buy yourself some cheetos and a bottle of Distilled Water and treat yourself to a night-in of hard-core provocative entertainment. 3 thumbs up, Cheers George, thanks for the good times. Keep on trucking you crazy cat.

Barely a movie. I think it comes alive at the very end, when they decide to have one decently choreographed fight scene, but it's otherwise a very pedestrian affair. It's a bit sleazy, and there are lots of small hand-to-hand fight sequences throughout, but most are repetitive and not very much fun to watch. A couple of people sort of team up and take down a bunch of criminals. You go into it hoping you'll unearth some hidden gem, but then come away going, "Ah okay, that's why it lives in obscurity."

Also, this film has some of the worst music I've ever heard in a movie. There's this one piece of music with about half an hour to go that felt like torture. I'm not sure if it was supposed to be sound effects or music, or a bit of both, but it sounds like footsteps kind of, but also experimental, and extremely annoying. And it just goes on and on. It made finishing this film a challenge.

A lot of people say that George Lazenby was the worst Bond. I thought he actually did a decent job, albeit a bit hard to fill in the shoes of Mr. Connery. However, I think majority of previously stated people said that after having seen Stoner.

This is a good time capsule piece for the 70s. Psychedelic design, funky lapels and moon dresses, and of course drugs galore. Kind of like a precursor for E? Plus, the main boss knows how to throw a party: check out those cocktail uniforms! A cop named Stoner (HA HA HA, get it?) goes around asking questions and gets beat up a lot for it. You do have to admire his tenacity though. Lazenby's fight skills are more brawling than kung fu with him mainly slapping someone's face with a backfist. Also, credit Sammo with working on the fight scenes. Although he gets his butt whooped by Lazenby (yeah RIGHT!), Sammo takes a beating well and helps make others look great.

Ah, Angela. The true femme fatale of action cinema. She was the real deal and could probably beat the crap out of you if you looked her the wrong way. But with that pretty face and sweet smile, who would ever do that? Angela's movements are so fluid that it's almost like a dance. She hits with force and I love seeing her busting heads or sending guys sprawling with her swift kicks. She's so good that even the main baddie gives a flirty smile her way. It would've been great to see her fight Betty Ting Pei, but it would've been no contest. My favorite scene has to be the cage where a lesson is learned: when Angela says no, she means NO!!

The action comes every now and then, but the finale is so awesome that you don't want it to stop. Who knew a rotating desk could be so practical? Seeing Angela fighting thugs in a room set ablaze is all you could ask for.

George Lazenby has a moustache and is Stoner (!), an angry Australian antidrug-cop who takes on the Chinese mafia who tries to push a new drug that makes women super-horny! He also says "Hmm..." a lot, wears pimp suits and kicks ass. A lot of ass, using his own special "kung fu" technique. Basically he's just waving his arms around like a madman while the villains fall like bricks. More Cüneyt Arkin than Bruce Lee if you catch my drift... The real kung fu (and eye-candy) comes from his female sidekick Angela Mao who really got some moves! To sum it up, this is a cheezy but highly entertaining kung fu-burger full of 1970s charms. A new martial arts favorite of mine! Blink and you'll miss a young Samo Hung getting his ass beaten to shreds by George Lazenby (the humiliation!)

Lazenby plays Stoner, a cop who in search of a organization who makes "the love pill" that is killing and spreading the market in Australia. Angela Mao only has a supporting part for top billing, so it makes me wonder if she is the lead (with more footage) in the HK version. The dubbing is terrible, but good action scenes helps. Look for Sammo Hung and Kurata Yasuaki as the bad guys fighter.