Flesh Gordon

This unique film breaks the barriers on porn by bringing us semi-high-tech special effects (okay...they were bad), dialogue (that was bad also), interesting costumes, and (oh my gosh!) a plot!...(okay it was bad also). The main plot is a mysterious sexbeam is striking the earth, from the distant Planet Porno. Flesh, Dale(his helpless girl sidekick), and Dr. Flexi Jerkoff join forces to over-throw the evil plot made by the Evil Emperor Wang. They encounter "peni-sourauses", a ferocious lesbian tribe, and an all-out orgy in the lairs of Wang. I would also like to commend this movie on its "liberalism", due to the fact that the original owners of Planet Porno are all gay, and the writers aviod the temptation of gay bashing...there was even a very brief scene with Flesh and one of the "merry men of the forest." So, as an overview, I would say that this is a MUST SEE for anyone who loves campy and cult classics, or anyone who still believes that porn can be more than just sex-If you do not fall one of these two catogories...stay away from it! Through all of this, the movie stands as a real gem in the vast universe of cult and pornographic movies.

Hey, I like good, sleazy fun, so I thought I couldn't go wrong with renting Flesh Gordon, which I have heard about for years without really knowing much about. The movie itself is mildly amusing, but what's really wonderful abut this disc is the commentary track, which is TEN TIMES more interesting than the movie itself.

The Movie We open with a LONG title about how this is a tribute to the adventure serials of the 20s and 30s… we find out on the commentary that this was added to avoid a lawsuit, because they were unaware that their writer had taken an episode from Flash Gordon and reproduced it nearly exactly. Anyway, so it seems that the good citizens of Earth are suddenly bombarded by the sex ray, which makes them crazed to have sex with the first person they see (and I wonder: what would David Cronenberg make of this?). This is a big problem, so Flesh Gordon, who soon meets Dale Ardor, are going to travel to the planet Porno to find out what's going on. They meet Flesh's pal Flexi Jerkoff (one of those jokes that, the more you think about it, the more absurd and funny it gets), who has a spaceship that oddly recalls the shape of a penis, and they take off. By now you will have noticed the radical differences in quality and apparent budget from scene to scene. For example, later in the film we have some very nice, nearly-academy award nominated stop-motion animation, and yet when Flesh and co. are on the plane at the beginning, it's quite clear that the walls are made of stapled-on packing material.

So Flesh and pals travel through the moronosphere to the planet Porno, where they crash land. Meanwhile, the evil Emperor Wang has noticed their presence, and sent out guards, who obsequiously refer to him as "Your Protuberance," "Your Sickness," and "Degenerate One." The guards go after our trio who are having their own problems with the Penisauruses, which are giant stop-motion animated uncut penises with horns and one vertically-blinking eye. This affords viewers the sight of the comely Dale being rubbed all over by a dickhead the size of a hippo. They escape, and are soon awarded the power pasties by someone or other, which will give them the decisive edge.

Anyway, so it goes on, even going so far as to include an intermission and cliffhanger as tribute to the original series. Later our heroes are menaced by giant robots with spinning drills where their dicks would normally be, and finally Dale (whose bush is the size of Nebraska, by the way) is taken by this giant monster to the top of a tower, in an unlikely tribute to King Kong. Things go on and soon they end.

This movie is clearly part of the mix that resulted in the Austin Powers movies, and it has a similar effect as so many of the jokes are so juvenile and moronic that eventually they become kind of funny. I was especially laughing at the guards saying things like "Right away, degenerate one" to Emperor Wang. The problem is that NO ONE in the movie is attractive, so although there's lots of randiness and softcore excitement going on, there was no one I was really interested in.

The Commentary I popped in the commentary while I was assembling some furniture, really just wanting to know WHAT the director could possibly have to say about this piece of work. What I got was a totally fascinating tale of low-budget grindhouse film-making in all its glory. The producers made porn films, and that was all. But at this time, some porn films were getting shown in legitimate theaters, so they decided to make a porn film that had more to it than sex, and hired various people and got started. One of the interesting aspects of the whole story is that the producers have no idea what the screenwriter or special effects people are doing while they all work separately. These were people with absolutely no experience in making a film, suddenly trying to do it. They face associates baldly trying to cheat them, police harassment, a few rounds through the judicial system… it's an incredible story. For a while the director is followed by the police until they locate the set, then the police confiscate the film, and then the director has to prove in court that the film is NOT pornographic, which helped determine why this movie came out as a softcore comedy "tribute" to the old serials, instead of a real porn film as was originally intended.

Remember how I said that some of the special effects are very good? Well, turns out that a then-unknown Dennis Muren, who would later become the lead man at ILM and win academy awards for Star Wars, E.T., Terminator 2, Jurassic Park, you name it, worked on this film (and had such a bad experience he didn't want his name on it). Since there were only two other films that year that HAD special effects, this one was almost nominated for an Oscar—but the Academy decided not to have the category that year instead of even considering this film.

The film itself I worth seeing, at least for a quick fast-forward, but if you're interested in the behind-the-scenes of low-budget and porn film-making, but the commentary here is one of the most interesting stories of low-budget film-making you'll ever hear.

--- Hey, check out Cinema de Merde, my website devoted to bad and cheesy movies. You can get the url from my email address above...

Flesh Gordon (aka Flash Gordon) returns in a sex comedy.

I have never reviewed a porno flick so I feel a bit out of my element here. The title of the movie suggests that we are in for male nudity but the camera is more interested in zooming in on the naked female body, in other words - this film is made for guys!

The special effects range from terrible to outstanding.

The jokes are mostly funny.

Science fiction and comedy are two genres that don't always work when put together, however sometimes we get gems like Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home (1986). But generally speaking, the two themes just don't mix (see TV's Lost In Space season 2).

This puts Flesh Gordon in a unique position as it has some very funny moments and its King Kong-spoof would have to rank as one of the most amusing things seen on the screen since Adam West Batman (1966).

Granted, the bigger budget 1980 movie had better sets but if you want an all round fun flick - Flesh Gordon is the show for you!

An underrated classic of adult humor. If you can find it in the original x-rated version, it's worth a watch. The campiness just drips from every scene and if you're an old fan of the Buster Crabbe serials, there is much to laugh at here as old cliches get "blown" away.

One thing I rarely see mentioned is the Harreyhausen-esque special effetcs..the skeleton soldiers were a delight, albeit lifted from the old Jason and the Argonauts film (at least stylistically).

The climax (sorry) with the stop-motion monster parodies both Flash and King Kong.

Dig through the credits to find Rick Baker and contemplate on how far he has come and, for SF fans, the early Bjo Trimble, long associated with the original Star Trek series and SF Fandom (Hiya Beej..grin).

Watch this back to back with the (other) modern Flash Gordon movie for a riotous evening with friends who like cheesy (but way fun) films.

The beauty of Flesh Gordon is that it has no pretensions to seriousness. Much soft porn of the 70's was so mind-bogglingly asinine that lots of us nearly gave up sex. Flesh is so totally different, being funny, that it remains in my memory from the time I saw it in the Mid-70's. I still remember Dr Jerkoff unveiling his spaceship shaped like a giant erect phallus with the words "Fortunately I was able to complete the design before the Sex-ray took effect".

The word 'Penisaurus' has passed into the vocabulary of Britain now, as an insult, obviously. The rapist robots with their little spring willys still linger in my memory.

If I had seen it alone I would probably have walked out, but as a teenage miscreant with a friend it was hysterical. If you are not offended by the sight of breasts and enjoy a laugh watch it with some friends and a beer or two. Excellent fun.