The Last Rebel

If you thought movies could not get worse than Solar Crisis or any other film abandoned to the name of Alan Smithee, this will give you hope in the F movie genre, no Ed O'Ross or Wings House here.

The editing is non-existent, there are no transitions between scenes, the music is constantly morphing from fusion jazz, classic country, pre-techno/industrial and back again. The actors seem lost, Jack Elam had one of the ugliest mugs in cinematic history, Joe 'Wooly' Namath hopefully has forgotten this monstrosity of a spaghetti western.

This film is pure concentrated evil that should have been left buried in its infernal tomb, but nevertheless Encore/Starz felt it was necessary to force suffering on their ad-hoc loyal viewers.

You will be in shock and awe that such a heap could ever have been made, i cant spoil the plot because there was none discernible in the mess of the Last Rebel.

This movie is #1 on my all time worst movie list. Besides the fact that it has no plot, and that Joe Nameth is a mediocre actor at best; it is a western set to "modern" 1970's music. Very strange. No wonder it was listed as "To Be Announced" in the paper. My mom and I first saw this in the mid-1970's and even back then, we joked that the name of the film should be "Joe Nameth Goes to Mexico to Get Laid". That is basically the entire plot. Joe was a great football player and some people thought he was handsome, but that does not necessarily mean the man can act. Do yourself a favor and skip this movie, unless you are curious just to see how bad a movie can be.

I came across this movie this morning. I was going to change the channel, but I saw the hair, I saw the back. It was Joe Namath! He was, and still is, as gorgeous as could be. I had a huge crush on him when I was a kid; I turned 35 last Thursday. Who doesn't remember his coming to see Bobby on "The Brady Bunch"? The movie, however? Wanted to send a lot of messages, but failed at all of them. It wanted to prove you could find true love, it wanted to let you know it's horrible to hate, it wanted to rescue little boys and even the soul of someone who doesn't seem too bright. No offense to Joe, because he's a pretty good actor, but who could do anything with that script? The soft-porn scenes with the two Mexican actresses was just stupid. And the scene he had with Pearl, who says (something like), "You Rebel." where he just smiles like it's a Pearl Drops commercial...very sad. The best line in the whole movie, and the one where Joe shows some comic timing, is the stand-off in Pearl's when the guy gets shot in the arm. He has his hands raised, and then says, "I can't hold them up much longer, you know?" Joe just looks at him like he's an idiot and says, "Put 'em down." Clint Eastwood would have paid money for that line. Good man, bad movie.

The one redeeming item in this awful, awful western about a couple of ex-confederate soldiers wandering around the old West -- hey, everyone digs a rebel, even if they were rebelling so they could keep slaves -- is the camera work by Carlo Carlini. However, it isn't enough by a wide margin.

I was going to write that Jack Elam's typically straightforward semi-comic performance was also noteworthy, but it simply emphasizes the awfulness of Joe Namath's performance. Woody Strode is as good as he can be, although he does look embarrassed, as if he wants to be back in the dignity of a Bomba the Jungle Boy movie.

As for Broadway Joe, he sounds querulous every time he speaks a line, as if he's about to stamp his foot and run off. They don't even let him move that much, just pose him and let him stand, which argues that one of the best running quarterbacks of the 1960s did not know how to move. Usually they didn't even shoot him full length, unless he was lying down with his shirt off so you can see him carefully-shimmed armpit hair.

But if there is one thing that makes this a terrible movie, it's the music score. I know that if you want to evoke the dirt and grit of the Old West, there's nothing like Motown-inspired Rock-and-Roll organ work and drumset to do it and that's what they did here. That must've been a great help at the box office.

Remember the days when Joe Namath was a sex symbol? You can relive his glory years by catching this otherwise dreadful faux-spaghetti western. Joe plays an ex-Confederate soldier out to make it rich with buddy Jack Elam. When Joe decides to 'act', he raises his eyebrows and smirks...ever so slightly. More memorable is Jon Lord and Tony Ashton's entirely inappropriate soundtrack. A little Deep Purple pomposity here, an Ashton, Gardner and Dyke power ballad there...apparently producer Larry Sprangler wasn't about to pay for a decent composer like Morricone, Piccioni, or Umiliani.