- Soldier Singer: It was Christmas Day in the cookhouse, the happiest time of the year, Men's hearts were full of gladness and their bellies full of beer, When up popped Private Shorthouse, his face as bold as brass, He said We don't want your Christmas pudding, you can stick it up your... tidings of co-omfort and joy, comfort and joy, o-oh ti-idings of co-omfort and joy. It was Christmas Day in the harem, the eunuchs were standing 'round, And hundreds of beautiful women were stretched out on the ground, Along came the big bad Sultan, and gazed on his marble halls, He said Whaddya want for Christmas boys, and the eunuchs answered... tidings of co-omfort and joy, comfort and joy, o-oh ti-idings of comfort and joy.
- Sir Edward Grey: [as war breaks out] The lamps are going out all over Europe, we will not see them lit again in our lifetime.
- [to a stretcher case with a bandaged head]
- Nurse: Don't worry. We'll soon have you back at the front.
- Count Leopold von Berchtold: Your majesty, we know for a fact that you are mobilizing the Russian army.
- Czar Nicholas II: Upon my word of honor, you are wrong.
- Count Leopold von Berchtold: I do not doubt it, but we have irrefutable proof.
- Czar Nicholas II: You want my word of honor in writing?
- Count Leopold von Berchtold: No.
- Czar Nicholas II: Thank you. In that case, I can only report to you, at this hour not one man, not one horse, has been called up.
- Count Leopold von Berchtold: After all the last thing any of us want is a war.
- Kaiser Wilhelm II: War? War is unthinkable. It is out of the question.
- Count Leopold von Berchtold: Couldn't you persuade your king to have a talk to the Czar?
- Sir Edward Grey: Why not ask the Kaiser? He's a cousin of Nicholas too.
- Sir Edward Grey: Still expanding your army and navy?
- General Helmuth von Moltke: We like to keep busy.
- President Raymond Poincaré: He wants to make a war against Serbia, so he crawls to the Kaiser for aid.
- Sir Edward Grey: I don't think there'll be any war.