- Billy Gordon: Guten tag.
- Swarthy Man: Bonjour.
- Billy Gordon: Oh! You're French.
- Swarthy Man: No! I am Finnish.
- Billy Gordon: Oh, why do you speak French?
- Swarthy Man: Finnish is too difficult.
- Fingers: Ooh, you told the Inspector some whoppers just now, didn't you, sir? Here, s'posing he wanted to meet your missus? You'd have a bit of a job finding the bits, wouldn't you, sir?
- Angela: Tommy and I are engaged.
- Billy Gordon: What? Well, why didn't you tell me before?
- Angela: Well, we couldn't tell you before it happened.
- Billy Gordon: Before what happened?
- Tommy: Uh, before we were engaged, sir.
- Billy Gordon: Did you hear that? A tax inspector. Well, he's out for a start. I never want to see him again.
- Lucy Gordon: Billy, he's a nice young man and she loves him.
- Billy Gordon: Oh, don't be so ridiculous. Nobody loves a tax inspector. They're beyond the pale!
- Lucy Gordon: It's a most honourable profession.
- Billy Gordon: Honourable? Are you kidding?
- [Billy Gordon has refused to pay the ransom for his wife]
- Sid: What are we supposed to do now? Keep her as a pet?
- Fingers: Don't move, I've got you covered.
- Billy Gordon: What, is that a space gun then?
- Fingers: Huh, oh.
- [He puts the flashlight down and points a gun at Billy]
- Fingers: One move and I'll shoot you to comdom king.
- Lucy Gordon: It's me you're selling, isn't it?
- Fingers: Yes, and I shall sell you for any price I like.
- Lucy Gordon: Oh no, you won't! Now listen to me you, little squirt!
- Fingers: A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse.
- Billy Gordon: A nod? What does that mean?
- Fingers: That's an old Latin quotation and it means... is this your old woman's nightie?
- [He pulls out a nightgown and hands it to Billy]
- Billy Gordon: Thank you, your honor, and believe me...
- Magistrate: I shan't believe you, Mr. Gordon. Go away. I've seen and heard quite enough of you for one day. Next case, please.
- Court Usher: Number 14 on your list, sir... William Delaney Gordon.
- [Billy Gordon make his second of three consecutive appearances before the court]
- Billy Gordon: [rejecting a ransom demand for his wife] No, you keep her, old fruit. This is the answer to a bachelor's prayer.