- Mr. Applegate: Have a nice trip?
- Lola: Perfect. The plane crashed in Cleveland.
- Mr. Applegate: Good. Now about that job in Chicago.
- Lola: Just dandy. I got the old boy to embezzle 100,000 dollars and lost it for him at the race track. Then his wife left him and he took to drink. I told him I was through and he jumped out the window... twenty second story.
- Mr. Applegate: That's high enough, that's fine.
- Lola: I wanna try the Empire State Building on this next one.
- Mr. Applegate: I've got thousands of Washington fans drooling under the illusion that the Senators are going to win the pennant!
- Lola: Aw Chief, that's awfully good! When they lose there'll be suicides and heart attacks and apoplexy... just like the good old days!
- Lola: I took the zing out of the King of Siam. / I took the starch out of the sails of the Prince of Wales. / It's no great art gettin' the heart of a man on a silver platter. / A little brains, a little talent with an emphasis on the latter!
- Mr. Applegate: With my help a lot of things come easy.
- [lights a cigarette from within his hand and Joe looks shocked]
- Mr. Applegate: Ohhhh, uh, do you smoke?
- Joe Boyd: Hey... how'd you pull that off?
- Mr. Applegate: I'm handy with fire.
- Joe Boyd: What happens after I stop being a baseball player? Then where would I be?
- Mr. Applegate: [laughs] Well now, of course that's fairly well known.
- Joe Boyd: Yes, but I have...
- Mr. Applegate: After all, there's nothing unusual about it. How do you suppose some of these politicians around town got started? And parking lot owners?
- Mr. Applegate: I've got too much on my mind. I'm overworked.
- Lola: Oh, I know, poor dear. Elections coming up.
- Mr. Applegate: You should have seen a real artist at work! You couldn't get him away from his wife, huh? Well I could!
- Lola: How? Is he crazy about you?
- Mr. Applegate: Joe moved into a hotel because... Why did you move, Joe?
- Joe Hardy: [dryly] To be near you.
- Mr. Applegate: Going a little far don't you think?
- Lola: What's the matter? Didn't ya like it?
- Mr. Applegate: I like it fine. Puff him up baby, I'll bring him down again.
- Lola: You'll what?
- Mr. Applegate: It's already started. Keep your eyes open, homewrecker. You'll find out who's got the pain in the mambo.
- Van Buren: [singing] You've gotta have heart, / All you really need is heart./ When the odds are sayin' you'll never win /That's when the grin should start.
- Ballplayers: So what the heck's the use of cryin'? / Why should we curse? / We gotta get better / 'cause we can't get worse!
- Van Buren: We didn't invite the press this morning, Gloria.
- Gloria Thorpe: Aw Benny, you're very foolish to have this prejudice against me just because I'm a woman. My paper gives you as much space as the others do.
- Van Buren: I only wondered why you got here so early.
- Gloria Thorpe: I came down to see the naked men.
- Mr. Applegate: Uh, if you will permit me to say a word, I happen to represent the Hannibal Bugle. And I'm telling you right now that everybody in our little ol' town is just as proud as pumpkins of little ol' Joe!
- Gloria Thorpe: Well thank little ol' you, and thank little ol' Joe!
- Reporter: Do you think Washington will win the pennant?
- Gloria Thorpe: Yeah, when I swim the Channel.
- Mr. Applegate: Well if you're referring to the rumor that in reality he is Shifty McCoy, I deny it emphatically.