Não Caia n'Água, Marujo

Lt. J. G. Max Siegel (Glenn Ford) works under Lt. Cmdr. Clinton T. Nash (Fred Clark) in a Navy PR office on a South Pacific island far from the war. New local teacher Melora Alba (Gia Scala) attracts the attention of every men.

Scala is an absolute beauty with the slightest of exotic flavor although nowhere near a South Pacific islander. I understand everyman's need to fall head over heels for her. The romance needs to be written better. The romance between Garrett and the nurse is far more compelling and they spend more time on it. There is some fine slapstick with some nice stunts in the clueless construction scene. Glenn Ford is a little too cool for school. The others are throwing their bodies around. The one big laugh is Farragut Jones. That's a great way to do that during this era. It doesn't get much funnier than Hot and Cold. Glenn Ford does a good straight man opposite all that. It's a good light comedy. They should have made this movie all about Glenn Ford dealing with Farragut Jones.

Glenn Ford made a few comedies with WW 2 settings - during or after the war. None of these were laugh fests, or hilarious films like "McHale's Navy", or satires like the great "Dr. Strangelove." Of course, anything about the military during wartime that's funny might be looked at as satire by some. But, movies like "Buck Privates" of 1941, with Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were sheer comedy. Besides the madness and mayhem of such films, they no doubt helped to lighten the worries of families who had loved ones serving during World War II.

So, after the seriousness and horrors of war had abated in the post-war years, writers, producers, and others who had served began to muse about some of the things that happened that may have been comical, and some fictional things they might have liked to have happen. Or, they may have suspected were happening in the rear echelons, where brass and shysters were removed from the reality of war. That's what we have, it seems, in this film. "Don't Go Near the water" is adapted from a 1956 novel of the same title by William Brinkley. Brinkley was a naval officer who served in Europe and the Pacific. One might easily guess his field - public relations, and his book may have been more fact than fiction as a comedy.

Well, this was the first of a number of light comedy wartime or military comedies that Glen Ford made, and it's success led to more and a solid career. This has some romance, finger-poking, and light comedy that seemed right for audiences in the late 1950s and early 1960s. That's when people could use a break from the headlines and news about the latest threats in the Cold War.

Ford and the rest of the company here do a good enough job for a film that doesn't have much of a plot. Fred Clark and Keenan Wynn provide a few chuckles. And, Anne Francis, Eva Gabor and Gia Scala provide the non-military distractions for sailors who are otherwise alone on a South Sea island in wartime.

It's a light, feel-good comedy romance of the period that, but for the military situation, would clearly fit the description of fluff today. It was a big hit at the box office, finishing in the top 25 U. S. films for the year. I was a teenager at the time and did enjoy films like this - much more than I find them to be very interesting or good in my golden years of maturity - or aged childhood, as the case may be. This is the least funny and entertaining of the batch of these films that Glenn Ford made.

In the 1950s and into the 60s, Glenn Ford carved out a most unusual niche for himself when it came to war movies. With only a few exceptions, the military movies he made during this era were NOT filled with glory and bravery but were mostly comedies...and often involving guys who really weren't among the best the US military had to offer! Think about it...with films like "The Imitation General", "Teahouse of the August Moon", "Cry for Happy", "Advance to the Rear" and "Don't Go Near the Water", Ford had a definite type war film...sort of the comedic anti-war film.

"Don't Go Near the Water" is set on a lovely tropical isle far from the action. Lt. Siegel (Ford) is with the Public Relations Department of the US Navy....and he and his fellow officers are NOT involved in any action, just trying to produce a positive image for the Navy. So, the film doesn't have life and death situations....most romantic and comedic ones.

The story is pleasant and enjoyable and certainly NOT heroic. It makes a nice time-passer and Ford, as usual, is excellent in this role as are the rest. Well worth seeing and my only complaints are minor, such as the sloppy use of some stock footage and post-war markings on an airplane....no big deal at all.

On a picturesque South Pacific island, during World War II, a US Navy base handles public relations. Unmarried star lieutenant Glenn Ford (as Max Siegel) takes visiting congressmen on a tour. Beautiful native schoolteacher Gia Scala (as Melora Alba) catches his eye. Enlisted sailor Earl Holliman (as Adam Garrett) likes the way pretty perfumed Anne Francis (as Alice Tomlen) "crosses her legs." Laidback young Russ Tamblyn (as Tyson) doesn't like washing teen-spirited sheets for war reporter Keenan Wynn (as Gordon Ripwell). Comic commander Fred Clark (as Clinton "Marblehead" Nash) is in charge. If you stick around, you'll see head-turning Eva Gabor (as Deborah "Debbie" Aldrich and foul-mouthed Mickey Shaughnessy (as Farragut Jones)...

The all-star cast is likable. However, the juvenile romances, snickering innuendo and silly slapstick don't mix well. Best part is a very funny episode involving Mr. Shaughnessy reputedly using what is politely called "The F-word," but you have to wade through much tediousness to get there. The title "Don't Go Near the Water" refers to the fact that the characters play on dry land – well, until we see Ms. Gabor's lacy black underwear. This was based on a novel, which suggests there might have been a more interesting story somewhere. Although Glenn Ford was then too big a movie star to do it, this would have made a fine half-hour situation comedy starring Mr. Ford, Mr. Clark and Mr. Tamblyn, who provide a solid anchor and cover their demographics.

***** Don't Go Near the Water (11/14/57) Charles Walters ~ Glenn Ford, Fred Clark, Russ Tamblyn, Earl Holliman

I rate William Brinkley's beautiful written and only slightly pretentious service comedy "Don't Go Near the Water" as the best satire to come out of WWII. There is nothing lightweight about his attempt here; he is writing from personal knowledge of this group of reporters about the hysteria, professionalism, patriotism, irresponsibility, hijinks and occasional hubris of the press who covered the War in the Pacific Theater-of-Operations. The head of the organization is a refugee from Wall Street, chrome-domed comedy genius Fred Clark, riding herd on a large group of bright, bored and nefarious group of minds who are looking to avoid duty or to do something that will shake up the world. Only two changes were made from the novel by Dorothy Kingsley's brilliant screenplay. One was to alter Max, the central character, from a big unattractive sort to handsome Glenn Ford; the other was to change the character played by Earl Holliman from a big handsome hunk to an ordinary- looking nice guy. One works; the other doesn't. But everything else, in my judgment, works like clockwork in this extremely memorable, funny and thought- filled narrative. Director Charles Walters kept the proceedings going professionally and well. The technical aspects of the movie are both good and usually so good they go unnoticed, because what matters in this story, I claim, is the characters and the actors who bring them to vibrant life. The storyline involved is simple. The correspondents get a Club built; Max handles one Farragut Jones, a foul-mouthed nightmare he helps create, by riding herd on him during personal appearances. He also baits Clark, his boos, and pursues a lovely island girl, played by Gia Scala, while facing five disruptions--an illicit liaison between an enlisted man and an officer, an obnoxious demanding journalist, a lovely female reporter who wants to see the shooting war up close, some visiting VIPs and Clark's interference in the challenge of building the Club which all upsets the dull daily routine of the newshawks. The large able cast is headed by Ford, Clark, Holliman, Anne Francis, A\Mary Wickes, Keenan Wynnn as the journalist, Eva Gabor as the female reporter, Mickey Shaughnessy as Farragut Jones, with Romney Brent as Scala's father, Jack Albertson and Charles Watts as the Representatives, Jeff Richards and Howard Smith. Bronislau Kaper supplied the music; the film produced a hit song. And when the atomic bomb is dropped on Japan, the film achieve a climax at a large bash, and a happy ending for Ford and Scala. The most hilarious and meaningful service comedy of which I have knowledge. its theme is really how men deal with responsibility, and everyone is memorable because the theme is so well- integrated with the War and its events. Kudos to William Brinkley for this absolute gem.