Chamas da Paixão

It almost defies belief that a movie can be as bad as this one, without it being fun to watch, like any number of Ed Wood films.

Put this DVD on if you have unwanted guests, and watch them exit your house, rushing to depart to save whatever sanity they have left.

A rotten, lousy waste of time.

It's been many years since I've seen this movie on TV, but it's badness is permanently engrained in my memory. I kept looking for the high school theatre dept. mention in the closing credits. All these soldiers wanting to have a crack at Ursula Andress, before they meet their doom. Hopefully, the next time it's on, there'll be an Ed Wood film on another station!

This is actually two plots as I remember it.

I saw it in the days of antenna TV, when we were lucky if we could make out faces. Antenna TV was why it was necessary to make TV shows and movies (which would eventually go to TV) with very different looking actors, unless it was a plot device to cause confusion.

It had a style to it. And I didn't become annoyed by the Ursula character, probably because while the title suggested her character was the forefront, she was actually just the backdrop.

Her story about the soldier who may die a virgin, and other soldiers who are constantly near her, is the weaker story here, and is downplayed, despite the title.

The strong story, which really became the forefront story, was the one about the loose cannon soldier.

The loose cannon soldier dominates the story, especially in a scene where he gives an account of how he destroyed an enemy unit, and is ridiculed by those he gives the account to, until he shows them the proof.

It probably would have been a much better film without Ursula in it, although she is talented, and does her best. The fact is that her part is just not really a part of the story here.

John Derek has never made a good movie in his life. He's been IN some good ones, but he's never MADE a good one, and there's no better example of his almost complete lack of talent as a filmmaker than this. He takes a potentially interesting story--the guerrilla war waged against the Japanese after their takeover of the Philippines in World War II--and for some reason turns it into a game of who's going to nail Ursula Andress before the Japanese kill everybody. Derek apparently thought that the sight of Andress, his wife (or girlfriend, or whatever she was) at that time, in various stages of undress was enough to draw people into the theaters (it wasn't). Because of that, he obviously paid no attention whatsoever to minor things like having a coherent script, directing the other actors, maintaining a semblance of continuity--trivial matters like that. The only saving grace (professionally, that is) is Richard Jaeckel's performance as a soldier eventually driven insane by the fighting. Jaeckel was always one of the most watchable actors around; he had that cockiness and explosive quality that Cagney had, and no matter how lousy the movie was (like this one), he always pulled it up a couple of notches. Unfortunately, he wouldn't have been able to pull this thing up with a crane. Its infuriating pretentiousness is its main undoing. The dialogue is so Ed Woods-ian in its rambling, nonsensical "what-the-HELL-are-they-talking-about?" absurdity that you finally find yourself wishing that the Japanese would come in, whack everybody and put the cast--and the audience--out of their misery. An absolutely painful experience that makes you wonder, "How in God's name did he get anyone to put up the money to make this thing?" Skip it.

One of the Worst Movie Ever

The unique point that worth in this movie is the astonishing beauty of Ursula Andress. She plays Alex, a dumb blonde in Manila, 1941, shortly after the Japanese attack to Pearl Harbor. Her character is so shallow and stupid that impress, the same way the countless closes of her gorgeous face. But this movie is so cheesy, with such an awful director, horrible story and screenplay, ridiculous dialogs and ham actors, which even Ursula Andress performance and beauty is unable to save. A film to be forgotten, and I am going to get rid of it from my collection. My vote is two.

Title (Brazil): `Chamas da Paixão' (`Flames of Passion')