Beija-me, Idiota

Billy Wilder could well have entitled his best known comedy "Nobody's Perfect" after its unforgettable last line. Instead he saved this ploy for a a later work that I admire almost as much, "Kiss Me, Stupid". Two things have always puzzled me about this film, one, that a work so innocently harmless unleashed such a furore of moral indignation on its first appearance and two, that it has never become one of the most revered of the Wilder canon. Comedies that retain a freshness long after one knows all the jokes are rare, but, for me, "Kiss Me, Stupid" is one of the chosen few. Like all the best comedies it builds on a situation that gets more and more out of hand. A pair of frustratedly unrecognised songwriters, a small town piano teacher (Ray Walston) and his garage mechanic friend (Cliff Osmond) sense a golden opportunity to become known when a famous pop-singer and stand up comic (Dean Martin) needs to stop off in their town for petrol. It's really a single gag film dealing with the pair's machinations to prevent the singer from continuing his journey before they have played him their songs. Their scheming includes getting the piano teacher's wife out of the way and hiring a substitute in the form of a sexy floozy (Kim Novak) who is one of the attractions of the town's recently opened nightclub. To say more would be to spoil the fun. Suffice to say that all the main protagonists are perfectly cast. It has often been remarked that Ray Walston is no match for Peter Sellers who was originally due to play the role. I cannot but disagree fearing that Sellers might have invested the jealousy obsessed piano teacher with that element of caricature that the role does not quite need. All it requires are a few quirky props such as the Beethoven tee-shirt and the buttermilk deposited in the piano and the rather less than over the top quality of Walston's performance is able to convey the humour and fun of the situation without smothering them . There is one superbly funny cameo by Doro Merande (the waitress in "The Seven Year Itch")as his tetchy mother-in-law. Add to this some stalwart work by the great production designer, Alexander Trauner in recreating the atmosphere of small town Nevada and a sparklingly inventive score by Andre Previn and the result is an extremely enjoyable piece of movie escapism.

In this sex comedy from writer-director Billy Wilder, Dean Martin stars as Dino, a Vegas singer and comedian who heads to Hollywood to make his next picture. His ends up in the small town of Climax where his car "breaks down", leading him to stay at the home of local piano teacher and aspiring songwriter Orville (Ray Walston), who hopes to get Dino buy some of his songs. The only problem is that Dino wants a woman for the night, and the insanely jealous Orville is afraid he'll target Orville's wife Zelda (Felicia Farr). So Orville arranges for the real Zelda to be gone, and hires local cocktail waitress Polly (Kim Novak) to pose as her and take the brunt of Dino's charge. Also featuring Mel Blanc.

This was highly controversial upon release, condemned by the Catholic Legion of Decency, and lambasted in the press as smutty and prurient. Even Barbara Stanwyck made public condemnations of the film. Now of course it doesn't come across as anything more than a typical primetime sitcom, and even tame by those standards. I wasn't too fond of Walston, although I learned that he was a late replacement for Peter Sellers, who suffered a series of heart attacks after filming began. In fact, the main cast was originally supposed to be Frank Sinatra, Marilyn Monroe, and Shirley MacLaine in the Martin, Farr, and Novak roles, respectively. Dean Martin's exaggerated spoof of his own persona seems to have been a forerunner of later "meta" self-parodies like Being John Malkovich, Topher Grace in the Ocean's movies, or the entirety of This Is the End.

I just want to add a note here about the songs that the third-rate composer and lyricist, played by Ray Walston and Cliff Osmond, "wrote" in this movie. Hold on! The three songs that are heard in this film were written by none other than George and Ira Gershwin. The music for "Sophia" was intended for but not used in the Gershwin's 1937 show "Shall We Dance?" "I'm a Poached Egg" draws on music intended for their 1930 show "Girl Crazy" and lyrics intended for their 1937 show "A Damsel in Distress." The music for "All the Livelong Day" dates back to 1921. This has been recorded by Ella Fitzgerald, though I don't know on what CD it appears. Anyone can find the interesting details about these songs and complete lyrics, including some not used in the film, on pages 382-385 of "The Complete Lyrics of Ira Gershwin" published by Alfred A. Knopf, Inc., 1993.

Jealous piano teacher Orville Spooner (Ray Walston) sends his beautiful wife, Zelda (Felicia Farr), away for the night while he tries to sell a song to a famous nightclub singer Dino (Dean Martin), who is stranded in town.

The Catholic Legion of Decency strongly objected to the completed film and it was condemned, the second film to get such an honor -- the first being "Baby Doll" in 1956. One can easily see why, as while there is no nudity, there is plenty of humor revolving around prostitution, adultery and and Dean Martin being a "sex maniac".

A. H. Weiler of the New York Times called the film "pitifully unfunny" and "obvious, plodding, short on laughs and performances and long on vulgarity." This seems unfair. While it is not among Billy Wilder's best work, even Wilder's average films are better than many other people's greatest attempts. I can only say now (roughly fifty years after the film debuted) that while it was not perfect, it had its moments and was quite bold in its own way.

Billy Wilder's career as a hitmaker ended with this for-its-time smutty sex comedy, yet it shows all of the flaws and strengths that once made him one of Hollywood's top directors and, for all its sexual innuendo, is really a very sweet film. Although Ray Walston is terribly miscast as small-town songwriter Orville J. Spooner, who hires a local prostitute (Kim Novak) to impersonate his wife (Felicia Farr) so he can use her to sell singing star Dino (Dean Martin) his songs, the other three stars are dynamite. Farr displays a crack sense of comic timing. Martin, one of Hollywood's most underrated actors, is dead on in a parody of his own image. And Novak gives the performance of her career as the romantic small-town slut trying to earn enough money to get her trailer out of the desert.

As with most of Wilder's films, all the cynicism and sex play mask a romantic heart: Polly and Orville begin to believe in her masquerade as his wife, until he kicks Dino out to protect her honor. The two develop a genuine affection for each other that transcends their brief sexual encounter.

At the time of its release, it was a major scandal, condemned by the Legion of Decency and disowned by United Artists. Now, it seems less shocking and ranks among the second tier of Billy Wilder's work. It's hardly as good as "Some Like It Hot" or "Sunset Boulevard," but never descends to the shoddiness of "The Front Page."