A Besta de Yucca Flats

The towering presence of "Swedish Angel" Tor Johnson and laughable narration that sounds at times like some kind of oriental poetry fail to make this film more than barely watchable. There is no real dialogue (presumably the producers couldn't afford a travelling microphone) -- all the dialogue is postdubbed with the actors conveniently turning their heads away when the speak! -- or story, and the only effects are a guy parachuting off a helicopter and Johnson in pancake makeup. Still, a somehow amusing low-budget film filled with friends and associates of the late great Ed Wood.

Coleman Francis. Gadzooks! When people talk about bad directors they always mention Ed Wood or Andy Milligan, some get as far as H.G. Lewis and real devotees of bad movies will mention Bill Rebane but no one, I mean NO ONE talks about Coleman Francis. Even among bad film afficionados he is a forgotten man. Could his movies be THAT bad? Well actually . . .YES! THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS is a movie people remember to-day because it was Tor Johnson's last theatrical film. This movie is the sort of thing drive-in owners lived for. Swedish Tor Johnson, former wrestling superheavyweight champion (in 1935) plays a Russian rocket scientist named Joseph Javorsky. He has defected to America to answer the question of how a flag has been mysteriously planted on the moon. Of course we never find out; in fact that potentially world shaking bit of information is forgotten about 10 minutes into the movie. Tor is chased by a couple of KGB agents into the desert. Notice how these 2 young, healthy guys run and run and run but cannot catch up to the 400lb ex-wrestler. Also notice how they shoot at him from all of 10 meters away and miss! They are all on a nuclear test site but nobody seems to care about that, until the bomb goes off of course. The atom bomb vaporises the 2 bad guys but Tor survives . . .sort of, and mutates into the mad "beast" whom 2 cops spend the rest of the movie tracking down. This picture is also memorable because it is silent. Yes, silent! The soundtrack was either lost or accidentally erased depending on who you talk to (I have heard the same story about THE CREEPING TERROR, 1965) and a narrator tells us what the characters are saying and in some cases even what they are thinking! Is this a classic? Gadzooks no. Is it fun? You bet! It is on video from several sources. Back in 1960 you could have seen this at the drive-in on a double bill with the ultra rare Japanese science fiction thriller SECRET OF THE TELEGIAN. Hmmmm. If I had been around back then that would deffinitely been worth 35cents of my money. Okay now let's talk about that other forgotten director, Joe Mascelli who did THE ATOMIC BRAIN (1965).

I had no idea when I started watching this movie what it was about but I was very well surprised by the extremely low quality of the movie.

It consists of no on screen dialog, a speaker-voice reads an pretensious load of crap as Tor Johnson staggers around as a confused Russian scientist harmed by a nuclear-test. Even if someone for some bizarre reason would WANT to make such an insane movie they would not have been able to come up with something like this.

Only a truly deranged mind could make such a movie. A genius in its own world of badness, competing with brilliant filmmakers like Ed Wood and others but Coleman Francis outnumbers them all!!

Tor Johnson is probably best remembered for his starring in the so-called "worst movie ever made" Plan 9 from Outer Space! Well, the people who voted this obviously never saw The Beast of Yucca Flats! Ed Wood's Plan 9 is an authentic masterpiece compared to Coleman Francis' unendurable work of art. As most of my fellow-reviewers already pointed out: everything that can go possibly wrong in a movie features here…times ten! Even though the story only lasts 54 minutes, it's one of the most tedious experiences I ever had to sit through! Johnson plays a devoted scientist (oh yeah, he really looks like one) chased by cops (why? You tell me…) into a radiation test-area. There, he transforms into some sort of Hulky monster that goes on a lame prowl in the desert. What follows is a hilarious attempt by Francis to create tension and confusion, as he shows cops hunting down the wrong person (for 10 minutes!) and Johnson chasing two young boys that got lost in the wastelands. There's as good as no dialogue in the film, only Francis' own voice-over. And I guarantee you'll be wishing him dead after approximately 15 minutes. He talks the biggest nonsense (example: "Touch a button. Things happen. A scientist becomes a beast") and personally introduces you to even the most meaningless side-character! Argh, the humanity!! The spontaneously improvised ending (featuring Johnson kissing a baby rabbit) just stresses how ingeniously awful this production actually is. Oh well, at least it's bad in a fun way. Most of the time, you can't figure out whether to pity or worship everyone involved in this film. Johnson wisely decided to quit his acting career after this but Coleman Francis ambitiously persisted chasing his dreams and delivered the – even worse – film "Night Train to Munde Fino" in 1966. His cinema career regretfully ended with guest appearances where he got credited as "Fat drunk" or "1st man"… What a damn shame! Believe the public opinion on this one, folks! It really is awful

THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS is a classic "good bad movie." Big Tor Johnson is a Russian scientist who is transformed into a choke-happy maniac after an A-bomb test. With two of the blandest rangers imaginable hot on his trail, the "beast" makes caveman noises, takes a nap, chases after children with a stick and, in an uncontrollable fit of rage, tosses a rock.

While Tor's indescribable performance is enough to fill one bad movie, there are plenty of other "highlights". For one, the film was shot as a silent, with audio (including some incredibly cheesy "suspense" music) added in post-production. The voice-overs are every bit as unconvincing as the acting. It's impossible to watch the characters interact and not picture someone sitting in front of a microphone, indifferently reading from a script.

Secondly, the film has plot holes so big not even Tor's supper could fill them. The opening scene, for instance, depicts someone (presumably the beast) murdering an innocent woman. But it's prior to Johnson's transformation, and the maniac never leaves Yucca Flats. So who did the deed? And why is it so easy for these characters to get so close to an atomic testing site? And why can't the rangers manage to climb a summit so non-challenging that a couple of young boys have no problem? I guess it helps not to be so inquiring.

The absolute best (or worst?) part of this film is the inane "narration" by director Coleman Francis. With so much silence to fill, it often sounds like Francis is just making things up as he goes along, hoping to sound deep, sophisticated and poetic. An example: "Boys from the city, not yet caught by the whirlwind of progress, feed soda pop to the thirsty pigs." Or: "Touch a button, things happen. A scientist becomes a beast." But just reading such quotes don't do them justice. They really have to be heard, in Coleman's serious-toned voice, to be believed.

And what about the "beast"? Despite the title, Johnson isn't much of one. He looks pretty much like the regular Tor Johnson, save for some "puffy burn" makeup. I was expecting some phony-looking rubber monster. Nor does this beast really do beastly things. He just chokes (or tries to choke) people and makes caveman noises. In the personality department, he makes Frankenstein's monster look like Freddy Krueger.

What's most amazing about THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS is that it was a big screen release. People paid money to see this, and in its day, more than a few presumably had to cover their eyes at the sheer horror. The budget was said to be around $34,000, but you'd be hard-pressed to find where even that minute amount went. It looks a group of friends just got together one weekend to have some fun with their new film recorder. Consider the rabbit who hopped onto the set toward the end of filming. Francis just went with the unscripted moment as the rabbit investigated Johnson, who at that point was supposed to be dead but is revived long enough to kiss the animal (what's that about?) before again losing consciousness. It's reminiscent of your family's home videos when the camera suddenly jerks away from little Jimmy roasting marshmallows to an impromptu moment in the background: "Look! A rabbit!"

Love it or hate it, THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS is truly unlike anything we've ever seen or will see again. Though it may take more than one viewing to fully appreciate the ineptness, its ridiculousness will stay with you. Recommended for anyone whose gut hurt after PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE.