Orgia da Morte

Terrible movie that was "written" (you mean there was actually a script to this??) by Edward D. Wood Jr. though he didn't direct it. You could have fooled me, as the incompetence of Stephen C. Apostolof is just as bad - or maybe worse! There's nothing that happens in this film after a man and woman driving in a car have an opening scene crash. They subsequently become captives of an "emperor" (the nutty Criswell, wearing the actual Dracula cape that Bela Lugosi donned for ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN) and his female vamp assistant (who looks a lot like TV hostess Elvira). They tie their two victims to stakes and they're forced (as we are) to watch a bevy of topless women individually introduced to do all sorts of long and ultimately boring solo dances. Some of them are less sleep-inducing than others (the cat woman was okay), but they all drone on too much amidst an atmosphere of gloomy fog which often obstructs our view of the best parts anyway. What's unintentionally funny are the occasional inserts of Criswell watching from the sidelines and making lame expressions when he's not obviously reading from cue cards. He's also got at least one funny politically incorrect line which he says to his male captor: "Nobody wants to see a man's ass!" (Heh Heh Heh). Things get even more ridiculous when The Wolf Man and The Mummy (two guys in cheap Halloween costumes) drop by to watch the festivities. * out of ****

Now here are a few tips if you happen to stumble upon this "movie" and decide to watch it:

-Ignore the script (there isn't one anyway)

-Ignore the acting (the actors say things like "I'm afraid! We are going to die!" with all the emotion that goes into discussions about the weather).

-Ignore the bad makeup, the inept camerawork, the overabundance of "fog", all the technical mistakes.

-Concentrate on the occasionally amusing dialogue, AND on the naked female bodies. Two or three of them are sensational. That's the only way you can get something out of this one.

-And remember that there ARE worse movies out there. Have you seen "Blood Orgy Of The She Devils"? (*1/2)

Free your mind people!! Not every movie in the world has to be Schindlers List. There are movies that exist for no good reason. These films offer no morality or underlying message. Get a six-pack, some pizza, pop this bad boy in your VCR and shut-up!! This movie is one of my favorites of all-time and it's really sad to see so many uptight dorks (who wouldn't know a good time if it sat on there face) slag it on this great web-site. So here I am to set the record straight. At the time this movie was made Ed Wood had been reduced to an alcoholic scriptwriter, rumored to be working for bottles of bourbon. So of course the script itself is simply sublime. Obvious ramblings and silly comments. Ed would have made a great writer for a kiddie show. The story itself if basically an excuse to have a dozen or so strippers dance across the screen, because I hate to say it folks but back in 1965 SEX SELLED!! And director A.C. Stephens sold ALOT of sex in his day. And to round out this ode' to burlesque you have a cast that no B-movie fan can resist like Criswell! Rumor has it when Criswell saw the final cut of this film he cried and told A.C. "You made me look like royalty"! Watch Criswells eyes as he read his cue cards. Then there's Fawn Silver, the original Elvira, looking magnificent as she torments her wooden acting captors. And Pat Berrington who achievements in b-movies are legendary (hell she was in a Russ Meyer movie for GOD SAKE!!). And lets not forget the tremendous (and naturally gifted) "dead" strippers who's dances are so mind boggleingly bad you can't help but fall off your couch! AWESOME!! RECOMENDED!!

There's no discernible plot! There are some serious continuity problems! There are naked women dancing awkwardly to mistimed music! The Great Criswell is obviously reading his lines off of cue cards placed on his knees! You can see the Werewolf's hairless chest below his Halloween mask when he lets loose with something intended to be a howl! For crying out loud, it's a movie called "Orgy of the Dead" written by Ed Wood!! You were expecting "Casablanca"? If you view this movie with the proper attitude, a few sporting and mean-spirited friends, and the appropriate libation, I guarantee you that it will be a more gratifying 92 minutes than you would have at most movies playing on the big screen this year!

Add this film to the "Looks Better On DVD Than It Has Any Right To" list. The recent DVD release reveals far better original material than the old VHS showed. We get to see every droplet in the swirling fog, every quiver of the dancers' flesh. We get to see just how dead Criswell's pan is. Every flaw is brilliantly illuminated. How can this old low-budget stuff end up looking better than many a modern film?

Sure, this movie is slow, tedious, repetitious and ultimately pointless. But it grows on you. Like fungus. It has an odd sincerity, in its utter badness. Somehow, nobody seems to really understand that they are making a bad movie -- the secret of the charm of the Ed Wood universe.

I have not only the new DVD, but also the full (including dialogue) soundtrack CD which I have listened to many times. I admit to a strange, childish pleasure to be typing away at work while listening to dialogue like, "A pussy cat was born to be whupped!"

Would-be indie filmmakers should take inspiration from this film, as it is proof that no matter how bad the dreck put to film may be, it can see distribution and perhaps even a profit. And, filmmaking lets you hang out with naked babes.

I'm working on the sequel now. Watch for it.