The Naked Witch

This early Larry Buchanan opus is barely feature length at 59 minutes, yet it requires considerable padding to get even that far: It opens with a nearly ten-minute pseudo-documentary prologue discussing the history of witchery (and making use of a lot of Hieronymous Bosch imagery), then follows that with travelogue footage and an explanation of how a Texas small town remained a largely German-speaking one, over a century since its creation by German settlers. (This is accompanied by shots of flaxen-haired children in traditional garb dancing, singing and skipping around, very much kitsch like the German part of Disney's "It's a Small World.") Then our handsome collegiate hero tells us in voice-over-- there's not a lot of actual dialogue in this movie--why he's driving to this outback. He's researching a thesis paper on the region, notably its own witchcraft legends and persecutions.

Other people have described the minimalist plot well enough. What should be pointed out, however, is that "The Naked Witch" is--as the title suggests--more a "nudie cutie" masquerading as a horror movie than anything else. The witch does indeed appear nude-- raised from the dead, she's nekkid, and wanders around teasingly semi-hidden by shadow, shrubbery and fences until she literally rips off a dress from the heroine. (At one point the witch actress was apparently over-exposed, because a crude black bar appears on screen to cover her naughty bits.) Later the hero spies her skinny-dipping in a pretty murky-looking river, and we see her topless for quite a stretch. She seduces him, and they have a sort of sex scene--of course not at all explicit, but it's still rare for a movie of this era to make it so clear that intercourse has occurred.

Anyway, this quirky sexploitation/horror melange--with its violence so discreet as to be almost non-existent--is amusingly odd and too brief to become boring.

I can understand why some people wouldn't like this movie. It's very low-budget and goofy, it has plot holes you could drive a truck through, and when it comes to the (not-so)Naked Witch herself even the unedited version is incredibly tame by today's standards. However, I LOVE this kind of regional, low-budget film-making. This early Larry Buchanon flick, was actually filmed entirely in Luchenbach, Texas, a small town founded by German settlers and later made famous by a Waylon Jennings/Willie Nelson country song. And it makes a GREAT setting for a low-budget horror movie. With the cheesy voice-over narration, Buchanon even manages to anticipate later 70's regional exploitation movies like "The Legend of Boggy Creek" and the whole bigfoot/ "In Search of" craze, and even many more modern-day films about local legends like "The Last Broadcast" or "The Blair Witch Project" (although don't hold the last one against him).

A college student comes to modern-day (as of 1961) Luchenbach, Texas, to research the legend of the "Angry Widow", a widowed woman who was skewered by the superstitious 18th century German settlers of the town after being betrayed by her craven married lover. In a rather ridiculous plot twist, the college student decides to dig up the body of the widow for some reason and remove the stake from her heart. The "Naked Witch" then rises from the grave to take her revenge on several locals who are related to her original tormentors. But when she threatens the pretty daughter of the innkeeper, who our rather dimwitted hero has fallen for, it is up to him to find the mountain pond where the pretty young witch is skinny-dipping and drive his stake into her (and then he has to figure out a way to kill her!)

I'm not going to claim this is great film. If you want a big-budget, go see the latest "Transformers" sequel, or if you want sex, go rent a porno. But I found this quite entertaining despite some illogical plotting and a very perfunctory ending. And this is only the second best film to ever be shot in Luchenbach--even better is Larry Buchanon's later film "Strawberries Need Rain". These kind of films aren't for everybody, but you like this kind of low-budget, off-Hollywood, slice-of Americana film-making, you shouldn't miss this.

Let's go to Luckenbach Texas with Waylon and Willie and the boys. OK, wrong movie. No Waylon here. This is about witches. Well, it is about naked witches. they say.

First we have to sit though nine minutes of woodcarvings and a lecture on the history of witches. Then the student (Robert Short) who lands in Luchenbach, Texas to do research gives us a few minutes of history on the German settlers in this town. When do we get to the naked witches? There is no use talking about the cast as the vast majority did no more that two appearances in their careers.

Just when things do get interesting and we have a secret book in our hands, we get another history lesson. Sheesh.

Before we get a chance to see the witch (Libby Hall) naked, she steals the clothing off another girl (Jo Maryman). We don't get to see her naked either.

The use of Vaseline on the lens when the witch is swimming in the stream convinces us that we will never see all of the naked witch. The is clearly false advertising. Only the student is given unfettered view.

Questions unanswered: How did the student dig up a 100-year-old grave with his bare hands? Where did the witch find panties and shoes? Is having sex on gravel painful? What reward awaits the student after saving Krista?

This regional horror from schlockmeister Larry Buchanan is often confused with a film by Andy Milligan that bears the same title. Milligan's movie has long been considered lost, which is probably for the best (if you're familiar with his work, you'll know why I say that), but Buchanan's film has no such sense of shame: it's unapologetically awful and still out there for the world to see.

The Naked Witch is just under an hour long, but Buchanan still dedicates the first ten minutes of his film to a dry history lesson about witchcraft which comprises of nothing but close-ups of Hieronymus Bosch paintings accompanied by monotonous narration. It's a real test of any trash movie fan's resolve. The rest of the film is no better...

Robert Short, in his one and only screen role (no surprise there), plays a college student who travels to the hill country of central Texas to carry out research for his thesis on early German festivals, with a particular interest in the folklore and superstition of the people who live there. After hearing the story of a witch (Libby Hall) who was executed in the area one hundred years earlier, he locates her grave, digs up her mummified corpse and removes the stake that still pierces her chest. The dead woman returns to life to avenge herself, killing the ancestors of the man who condemned her.

The vast majority of this film appears to have been shot with no sound, meaning that many scenes are narrated by the central character, whose voiceover is like aural temazepam. Buchanan has also managed to source some of the worst organ music imaginable to slap over his film. The direction is lifeless, the editing is amateurish, and the acting is atrocious.

There is, of course, the naked witch to spice things up, Hall stripping off to go skinny dipping, but the application of ridiculous make-up, especially to her eyebrows, ensures that she isn't very sexy. Bizarre brows don't stop the student from boffing the witch, but, in the end, he kills the reanimated woman to save the life of pretty blonde Kirska (Jo Maryman).

THE NAKED WITCH begins with voice-over narration by someone known only as "the student". The story takes place in the German part of Texas, where German kids sing German songs while running around in German clothes.

"The student's" car breaks down, so, he walks to the German village full of German people doing German stuff. He meets Kirska, who guides him around town, accompanied by more narration. Then, "the student" has a German dinner with an elderly German man who smokes a big German pipe. "The student" is researching his thesis paper about witchcraft, but Kirska explains in her Kirska way that no one wants to discuss the subject.

"The student" presses on.

He simply must hear the story of the Leuchenbach witch! He can't resist going to the graveyard and resurrecting said unclothed spellcaster! Watching her stroll around is amazing! Watch, as she saunters behind walls, gates, and trees! See her eeevil magic turn the film blotchy and blurred, obscuring her naughty bits!

Thankfully, she starts killing people.

Filmed in the style of an ancient travelogue, this is a classic example of a cinematic fuster-cluck.

To be fair, the first death, causing the water to turn red, is -almost- effective, and the witch herself is just cold and devilish enough to make the rest -somewhat- endurable. At an hour in length, it feels more like ten, with the only semi-naked part coming toward the end. The witch also does a dance!

Another harmless "nudie" movie from yesteryear...