- Crocefisso: Where did you get that cigar, Camillo?
- Don Camillo: Peppone had two. I think I took it without asking him. You know he believes in equal distribution of wealth.
- [Don Camillo and Peppone have a football match]
- Giuseppe 'Peppone' Bottazzi: [to his team] YOU MUST WIN! Or I'll break your heads!
- Don Camillo: [to his team] I won't make any threats. I'll just say that if among you there's a rascal who doesn't play to the last drop of his blood, I'll kick his backside into dust.
- Don Camillo: Baptism is not a joke. Baptism...
- Jésus: Don't try and explain baptism to ME, I adopted it!
- [the town council reviews a schoolteacher's dying request to have a royal flag on her coffin]
- Giuseppe 'Peppone' Bottazzi: As the mayor, I can't help but recognize your decision. But as in this town it's not the mayor who's in charge but the Communists, as leader of the Communists I'll tell you that I don't give a damn about your opinion. Mrs. Cristina shall go to the graveyard with the flag she wanted, because I respect more her dead than all of you alive. And if anyone objects, I'll make him fly out of the window! Does the curate have anything to say?
- Don Camillo: [smiles] I yield to violence.