- Rosenthal, Police Dispatcher: The girl, caucasian, brown hair and eyes. Height 5 -7, weight 135 pounds... extremely well distributed.
- Rosenthal, Police Dispatcher: Wanted for embezzling $75,000 from the California Fidelity Trust. Order to books confirms identity. A man. Caucasian. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Five feet, ten. Wears elevator shoes. Anemic looking. When last seen, was wearing ill-fitted suit. Well padded at shoulders. Resembles Frank Sinatra.
- Johnny Dalton: And if we did get married, how would we manage? I have nothing. How would we live?
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: I'm sure something would come along.
- Johnny Dalton: Yeah. And we'd have to feed that too.
- [Finding Emile J. Keck in Johnny Dalton's bath tub]
- Mr. Kofer: Well, I like THIS!
- Emile J. Keck: You do? Well, join me!
- Johnny Dalton: Emile, we don't have much time. Will you snap it up and get me the merchant's lunch.
- Emile J. Keck: Typical bank clerk. No real merchant ever ordered the merchant's lunch. Johnny, I've been telling you for years, you've got to learn to enjoy life, live dangerously! I'll get you the pickled pig's feet.
- Johnny Dalton: I hate pickled pig's feet!
- Emile J. Keck: These have all had pedicures.
- Emile J. Keck: Never tell a woman! She'll blab everything all over town, you'll have your picture in every post office by morning.
- J.L. McKissack: Mr. Keck, I'm only trying to get some information on your assets.
- Emile J. Keck: Never mind my assets, how are yours?
- Johnny Dalton: The bridal suite! You had to rent the bridal suite! What are you gonna do with three bedrooms?
- Emile J. Keck: I don't know. What does a bride do with 'em?
- R.B. Pulsifer Sr.: I hope you don't mind my dropping in on you like this, Emile?
- Emile J. Keck: Of course not. What's better than sitting here alone, waiting for some quiz program to call you?
- R.B. Pulsifer Sr.: Emile, I like you. You're not stuffy. You haven't let your money go to your head.
- Emile J. Keck: It's been an effort.
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: I'm even willing to marry you.
- R.B. 'Bob' Pulsifer Jr.: Marry? You can't threaten me. Hello, operator? Get me the police right away!
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: Bob, don't you ever give up?
- R.B. 'Bob' Pulsifer Jr.: And I'm pretty too. What a combination: money, rosy cheeks; money, flashing teeth; money, curly hair, and; money!
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: Have you ever thought about what's going to happen to you - to us? Are we just gonna go on and on and on?
- Johnny Dalton: Who said we're just gonna go on and on and on? Mibs, do you think I enjoy handing out money to other people and then spending all afternoon adding up how much I handed out all morning? I hate banking! I hate figures. I hate addition and subtraction.
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: And I hate being an old maid.
- Johnny Dalton: Oh, baby, I wish we could get married today; but, without that raise it - well, look, our combined gross annual income is $4,212.25, before taxes.
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: You have it all figured out to the penny, haven't you. You've had your whole life planned like a bank statement. My father got married when he was only making $18 a week.
- Johnny Dalton: And steak was nine cents a pound. No, baby, it won't work. It's too much of a gamble.
- Johnny Dalton: Look, I work in a bank and I'm not allowed to bet on horses.
- Frankie Boy: Everybody's allowed to bet on horses.
- Johnny Dalton: They are?
- 'Hot Horse' Harris, the Bookie: It's in the constitution!
- R.B. 'Bob' Pulsifer Jr.: Well, old man opportunity knocks again. Say, would you like to go...
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: Yes!
- R.B. 'Bob' Pulsifer Jr.: Now, wait a second, how am I gonna learn to be a wolf if you give in so easily?
- R.B. 'Bob' Pulsifer Jr.: Where would you like to go?
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: I wanna go someplace where it costs a dollar and a half for bread and butter. Where the music's so expensive, that you can hardly hear it. I wanna drink Champagne and Cointreau and just anything that you can't mix with cola. I wanna dance and dance and stay out so late that the neighbors will talk. I wanna enjoy life. I wanna live - live dangerously!
- R.B. 'Bob' Pulsifer Jr.: What an opportunity - for a heel like me.
- 'Hot Horse' Harris, the Bookie: There you are son, six grand, compliments of Chick Sloan.
- Johnny Dalton: That isn't my money. Nobody loans a thousand dollars without collateral and nobody gives away six thousand without a note, co-signers and six percent interest.
- 'Hot Horse' Harris, the Bookie: This is a new kind a bank - with horses.
- Emile J. Keck: You've been drinking, Johnny. Nobody in their right mind bets on horses.
- Johnny Dalton: You bet on 'em.
- Emile J. Keck: Never my own money. Only what I can borrow.
- Johnny Dalton: [singing] It's only money, It fluctuates, But there's this thing about it the poor snook without it, The girls don't give dates.
- Emile J. Keck: I love the artwork, the Treasury sure does smart work.
- Johnny Dalton, Emile J. Keck: The nicest people we know, Are the people who get their faces on dough. It's only money, It's only dough.
- Johnny Dalton: And the people who crave it.
- Emile J. Keck: Who worship and save it.
- Johnny Dalton, Emile J. Keck: All come to know, You can't take it with you when you go.
- Johnny Dalton: What happened here? Where are all the horses - I mean, the telephones? And what are all these women doing here without men?
- Johnny Dalton: This is the place! I remember. They had a lot of phones here and all kinds of betting going on - all over the country. And that guy still owes me $20,000. Where's the man with the sunglasses?
- [walks into the next room]
- Johnny Dalton: Why, you're not wearing sunglasses? And - you're not even a man!
- Crossdressing Woman in a Suit: I'm glad you could tell the difference!
- Johnny Dalton: Emile, you what they've done here, they've changed the whole place around. Honest, they did. Just three hours ago, this was a horse room and these ladies were men.
- Emile J. Keck: I've got some information for you. You can take a plane from the airport and be in Mexico City in eight hours.
- Johnny Dalton: Now, look Emile, I didn't rob the bank and I'm not taking a plane to any city.
- Emile J. Keck: Johnny, I don't whether you did or whether you didn't. I've got an open mind on the subject.
- Johnny Dalton: That's white of you.
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: More champagne. Fill it up please.
- R.B. 'Bob' Pulsifer Jr.: Mibs, don't you think maybe you're living a little too dangerously? Hmm?
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: It's supposed make you feel gay, isn't it? Well then why doesn't it? Little Mildred feels
- [hiccup]
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: terrible.
- R.B. 'Bob' Pulsifer Jr.: Well, pretty soon you won't feel anything. And then we'll see whether Yale really made me a gentleman and a scholar, won't we. Hmm?
- Johnny Dalton: The important thing is to tell him the truth.
- Emile J. Keck: Do what?
- Johnny Dalton: The truth.
- Emile J. Keck: Oh, that old thing.
- Johnny Dalton: [singing] Kisses and tears, it's up to you, If we laugh or if we cry through the years Unless you trust me, Whenever a doubt appears, Your future with me will continue to be, Kisses and tears.
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: Kisses and tears.
- Johnny Dalton, Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: Kisses and tears.
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: Johnny, you left the bank in such a hurry I didn't get a chance to invite you formerly, but, I like surprises better anyway. You won't have to eat at Baganucci's tonight. It's Christmas Eve, Johnny. Johnny, Chinese food!
- R.B. Pulsifer Sr.: Incidentally, while we're speaking of it, do you mind my asking what is your business, Emile.
- Emile J. Keck: Pig's feet.
- R.B. Pulsifer Sr.: Pig's feet?
- Emile J. Keck: The largest packers of pickled pig's feet in the country. Wherever people eat, you'll find Keck's feet.
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: Emile, this isn't another one of your stories is it? This is the truth, isn't it?
- Emile J. Keck: If it isn't may I drop dead on this spot.
- [Mibs takes a drink, Emile moves to another place on the sofa]
- Emile J. Keck: You'll get lucky, Johnny. Look at my uncle Julius. When he got married he was a pauper, and overnight he made a fortune in the lumber business.
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: Overnight?
- Emile J. Keck: They discovered trees on his property.
- Mildred 'Mibs' Goodhug: You're jealous! Just because he spent four years at Yale.
- Johnny Dalton: Six years! And at that he graduated Magna Cum Nothin'.