Fire Maidens of Outer Space

If you like Borodin's "Prince Igor," "Stranger in Paradise," or "Kismet," DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE, because you will never again be able to hear that music without dissolving into fits of uncontrollable laughter. Otherwise, go for it: it is every bit as bad as others have described and, in my humble opinion, makes "Plan Nine from Outer Space" look like a masterpiece.

This movie was shown repeatedly on TV between 1957 and the early 60s. Anyone who saw it in the 50s remembers the soundtrack and the hot Fire Maidens! It was a silly low-tech movie, yes, but it was no worse than any other implausible sci-fi flick of that pre-spaceflight era. This movie is what it is, and what it is, is a pleasurable escapist marshmallow. See it if you can - you'll get a few laughs out of it.

The total of Jupiter's known moons presently stands at 79. Number 13 was discovered in 1974 and named Leda, which presumably means that this film is set in the mid-1970s; although no Atlantean civilisation relocated from Earth was noticed by its discoverers and no manned spaceflight there has yet been attempted (possibly because it is only 6 miles across).

After emerging from the V2 in which they made their three-week trip from Earth, the crew wander about deepest Hertfordshire for a bit before returning to what appear to be standing sets from previous historical productions at Elstree Studios at Borehamwood. The memorable use of excerpts from Borodin's 'Prince Igor' (acknowledged in the credits) pre-dates the use of Strauss in '2001'; but 'Fire Maidens from Outer Space' also shares with Kubrick's film the presence of Maya Koumani. (Prominently featured in the opening credits and as one of the dancing Fire Maidens, Ms Koumani later gets some dialogue, whereupon she is identified by name as what sounds like 'Nyssa'. In '2001' she appears as Dr Stretyeneva, one of the Russian delegation that meets Dr.Floyd at Space Station V.)

Interestingly enough, although there isn't the usual woman among the five-man crew (which includes the reassuringly familiar faces of Paul Carpenter, Sydney Tafler & Harry Fowler) - presumably because there'll be plenty of them were they're going - two of the six senior staff shown gathered round the radio at Mission Control are women.

Okay now let me get this straight, the people of Atlantis escaped their sinking continent by blasting off into space where they colonized the 13th moon of Jupiter so 3000 years ago. Now only a dozen or so are left and they are all young, attractive women and just one middle aged man who claims to be the father of all of them. As a certain pointy eared TV character might say, "Fascinating captain." This movie has got to be the culmination of many male fantasies all rolled into one. A bunch of guys from Earth land on the on the planet, which has breathable atmosphere and plenty of sunlight despite being hundreds of millions of miles further from the sun than Earth. They encounter a bunch of miniskirted, barefoot, submissive women (one of whom even exclaims "Men at last!" so you know what has been on their minds!) and get a chance to play hero by defeating a monster called The Creature (a man in a black bodysuit and a monster mask). Unique to say the least. Actually I found myself liking it because of its very ineptness. The photographer never lets us forget the girls sex appeal since the camera is often on ground level giving us a good look at their legs and there is also a long interpretive dance scene. I would say they don't make them like this anymore but the truth is the do, you can find movies similar to this on USA Network every Saturday night at 3 AM.

written, produced, and directed (already we're in trouble!) by Cy Roth, this is a film about empire building, megalomania, and a quest for vindication. By whom? By Cy Roth, that's by whom! Actually, this is a movie about five chain-smoking, er, "astronauts" who fly their V-2 rocket through some dangerous looking stock footage to the 13th moon of Jupiter where they discover: Atlantis(!), a bunch of pretty young girls running around in what look like tennis skirts, a laughably bad monster, and the sad realization that none of them should ever have quit their day jobs. This movie is so indescribably bad, so incredibly inept - the whole thing looks like it was shot in somebody's back yard - that it has to be seen to be believed. And through it all, the strains of Borodin's "Polovetsian Dance No. 2" aka "Stranger in Paradise" repeat and repeat and repeat like bad take-out. Take our word for it: see this movie once, and you will never again be able to listen to the aforementioned music without conjuring up visions of this awful, execrable film.