Fire Maidens of Outer Space

My one memory of this appalling movie is of the spaceship's captain extinguishing his cigarette to announce "gentlemen, it's time for us to synchronise our LONGINES watches with the LONGINES master clock." At which point, the screen is filled with a shot of a very large, very ordinary looking wall clock with a prominent LONGINES logo on its dial. The camera lingers....and lingers....meanwhile, the viewer makes a mental note "must buy Omega next time."

Somebody else mentioned the shocking level of product placement for Longines watches (and we thought that placement was new in the movie "2001"). What nobody else here has touched on is that dreadful loooooonnnnngggg scene in the observatory in England near the start of the movie where the secretary spends about 20 minutes (well, almost) just walking down the long stairs to bring a report to the chief astronomer, and then spends almost as long going back up (including opening and shutting the safety gate on the stairs...) Yes, truly a movie in which the concept of editing was only a slogan!

The rest of the comments above by previous commentators say it all, but I must point out that in the early days of analogue ship controls, all piloting functions appear to be digital, carried out by switching the positions of just two levers (in binary sequence?) to do everything - take off, land, dodge meteors, change course, etc... Even better, when the crew report in after quite a long flight, we cut back to the control centre on Earth, and yes, nobody has moved from their pre-launch positions! (Were their shoes nailed to the floor?)

In Britain, we don't get to see MST3K, so I watched this as a late-night stinker, and loved it. I shared the movie with friends on tape, and still feel that it's amongst the funniest B movies I have ever seen, right down there with Plan 9, and without the excuse that it was made by Ed Wood Jr!

Science fiction has long held an honorable place in the entertainment industry. Gulliver's Travels was written as a satire on Society in Swift's period, but its theme is essentially science fiction. The books of Jules Verne are noteworthy for featuring much of the scientific knowledge about submarine and space travel current at his time. A broadcast of H.G. Wells "The War of the Worlds", which started with an announcer unwisely declaring that the Martians had landed, caused a major panic in the 1930's; and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's, "The Lost World" was later made into a remarkable film featuring the dinosaur era. But the rapid evolution of films of this genre in recent years is most clearly seen in the case of space travel. When I was young space travel still seemed several generations away, and films featuring it were mostly low budget and quite unsophisticated. Today we have only to think of Independence Day or the Star Trek saga, to realise how completely this situation has reversed. Only very high budget films with extremely sophisticated special effects have any credibility with young people today. Such films do not have a great appeal for me, but I can really enjoy the nostalgia of re-watching some of the early films I first saw when a youth. Their appeal is probably limited largely to people of my age (and perhaps to film historians), so such films are likely to become increasingly difficult to see as time passes. We should be grateful to the Space TV channel (and occasionally one or two of the others) for dusting off some of them for us to watch again.

I found one recent TV revival of this film to be a really delightful piece of nostalgia. Viewers were left in no doubt that it was pure nostalgia right from the opening shot which is in black and white and shows a passenger in a propeller driven airliner settling into his seat and lighting a cigarette. For my generation this quickly brought back memories of traditional Saturday afternoon cinema matinees. In the U.K. town where I then lived admission cost 9d (about the equivalent of 10c Cd today). Clearly at such prices the films shown were all very low budget productions that are easy to criticise today, and obviously viewers much younger than myself are unlikely to share my delight at the rare opportunity to see such films again. This film is not currently listed by Amazon, and I am not sure if it was ever available in video tape format, so there is clearly little ongoing demand to view it. Audiences today have a relatively sophisticated appreciation of space travel and would never accept the scenario of a spacecraft landing on a planet of Jupiter and finding gravity, climate and vegetation very similar to that at home, followed by the further improbabilities associated with finding English speaking inhabitants who were somehow transported there from Atlantis when this terrestrial continent sunk into the sea. However at the time that I first saw this film I would have judged the probability of successful space travel in my lifetime as extremely low; and it is important to appreciate that to my contemporaries, once we had accepted the basic improbability of space travel, all the other assumptions in the script shrank into insignificance. A few of its many incongruities have been identified in other viewers comments, but it can be quite fun to watch this film with the aim of listing as many more as possible.

Once the space travel premise had been accepted, we were left with a whimsical and rather appealing little story which flowed very smoothly. The fire maidens danced gracefully to well known ballet music and there was nothing to really jar in this marshmallow soft tale which passed an afternoon very smoothly. This may be why the Fire Maidens are still remembered nostalgically by many of us whilst most of the numerous other similar low budget epics produced around this time faded into obscurity within a few weeks of their first Saturday afternoon showing. Their audiences were not sophisticated cinema goers but chiefly adolescent teen youths for whom a cast of nubile young women was a prerequisite; and a decade or so after this film was released it became almost obligatory for such low budget films to find an excuse for requiring them to shed their raiments at some point in the story. Perhaps, for all but today's teenage youths, one of the attractions of the rare revivals of this film is the fact that it predates this requirement.

It is fascinating to see how such a story could be filmed with virtually none of the special effects we always expect today. In fact, apart from some non-burning flames and a grotesque head mask suitable for a Mardi Gras parade, it is hard to think of any. The shots of the rocket ship, both on the ground and when taking flight are quite impressive, and it is almost charming to see a long wooden ladder being used to board this relatively sophisticated looking spacecraft.

If you do not remember it and have the chance to see this film, my advice is put your critical faculties aside, sit back, and enjoy it. I doubt if it will soon be possible to buy a copy, but I would urge that a DVD version should be made available. It should not only sell to filmgoers of my generation but also become a valuable part of the film library in every training college or cinematographic club, where it would become recognised both as an interesting precursor of today's space travel films and as a noteworthy example of an ultra-low budget production.

written, produced, and directed (already we're in trouble!) by Cy Roth, this is a film about empire building, megalomania, and a quest for vindication. By whom? By Cy Roth, that's by whom! Actually, this is a movie about five chain-smoking, er, "astronauts" who fly their V-2 rocket through some dangerous looking stock footage to the 13th moon of Jupiter where they discover: Atlantis(!), a bunch of pretty young girls running around in what look like tennis skirts, a laughably bad monster, and the sad realization that none of them should ever have quit their day jobs. This movie is so indescribably bad, so incredibly inept - the whole thing looks like it was shot in somebody's back yard - that it has to be seen to be believed. And through it all, the strains of Borodin's "Polovetsian Dance No. 2" aka "Stranger in Paradise" repeat and repeat and repeat like bad take-out. Take our word for it: see this movie once, and you will never again be able to listen to the aforementioned music without conjuring up visions of this awful, execrable film.

The total of Jupiter's known moons presently stands at 79. Number 13 was discovered in 1974 and named Leda, which presumably means that this film is set in the mid-1970s; although no Atlantean civilisation relocated from Earth was noticed by its discoverers and no manned spaceflight there has yet been attempted (possibly because it is only 6 miles across).

After emerging from the V2 in which they made their three-week trip from Earth, the crew wander about deepest Hertfordshire for a bit before returning to what appear to be standing sets from previous historical productions at Elstree Studios at Borehamwood. The memorable use of excerpts from Borodin's 'Prince Igor' (acknowledged in the credits) pre-dates the use of Strauss in '2001'; but 'Fire Maidens from Outer Space' also shares with Kubrick's film the presence of Maya Koumani. (Prominently featured in the opening credits and as one of the dancing Fire Maidens, Ms Koumani later gets some dialogue, whereupon she is identified by name as what sounds like 'Nyssa'. In '2001' she appears as Dr Stretyeneva, one of the Russian delegation that meets Dr.Floyd at Space Station V.)

Interestingly enough, although there isn't the usual woman among the five-man crew (which includes the reassuringly familiar faces of Paul Carpenter, Sydney Tafler & Harry Fowler) - presumably because there'll be plenty of them were they're going - two of the six senior staff shown gathered round the radio at Mission Control are women.