- Duck Dodgers: Ha ha! Got the drop on you with *my* disintegrating pistol! And brother, when it disintegrates, it disintegrates.
- [pulls the trigger; pistol crumbles to the ground]
- Duck Dodgers: Heh, well, whaddaya know... it disintegrated.
- [Presenting a gift-wrapped dynamite stick to Martian Commander X-2]
- Porky Pig: Happy b-b-birthday, you thing from another world, you.
- Marvin Martian: Ooh, thank you!
- [the dynamite explodes, leaving only Marvin's helmet]
- Duck Dodgers: Are you ready, eager young space cadet?
- Porky Pig: I-I-I'm r-r-r-all set, sir.
- Duck Dodgers: Then make way for DUCK DODGERS IN THE 24 1/2TH CENTURY!
- [Dodgers activates the controls, but the rocket sinks into the ground]
- Duck Dodgers: Whoops! Had the silly thing in reverse.
- [the rocket blasts off]
- Duck Dodgers: And now then, eager young space cadet, here is the course we shall pursue to find Planet X. Starting from where we are, we go 33,600 turbo miles due up. Then west in an astro-arc deviation to here, then following the great circle seven radiolubes south by downeast. By astro-astroble to here, here, and here, then by space navigo-compass to here, here, and then to here and here. By thirteen point strato-cumulus bearing four million light-years, and thus to our destination. Now do you know how to reach Planet X?
- Porky Pig: Y-y-ye... Oh sure.
- Duck Dodgers: [staring stunned at the cadet, then at the chart's ridiculously complex path] Well, I wish you'd explain it to me some time, buster!
- Porky Pig: Why, it's very simple, sir.
- [Points to progression of lettered planets]
- Porky Pig: If we follow those planets, we can't very well miss Planet X.
- Duck Dodgers: [laughing] Oh, that's ridiculous! Of all the stupid suggestions! Ha ha ha! Hey, wait a minute. I think I've got it. I'll just bet that if we follow those planets, we'll find Planet X. Gad! How do I do it?
- Porky Pig: I d-d-don't know.
- [last lines]
- Duck Dodgers: And now this planet is hereby claimed for the Earth in the name of DUCK DODGERS IN THE 24 1/2TH CENTURY!
- Porky Pig: [speaking to the audience] Eh-b-b-b-big deal.
- Duck Dodgers: I claim this planet in the name of the Earth!
- Marvin Martian: I claim this planet in the name of Mars! Isn't that lovely?
- Duck Dodgers: Look, bud, I've got news for you. I have already claimed this bit of dirt for the Earth, and there just ain't room enough on this planet for the two of us.
- Marvin Martian: I do believe you are right.
- [Pulls his disintegration pistol]
- Duck Dodgers: Heh! Little does he know that I have on my disintegration-proof vest. You may fire when ready, Gridley.
- [Marvin fires; Dodgers is reduced, but the vest is intact]
- [first lines]
- Dr. I.Q. High: I have sent for you, Dodgers, because we are facing a crisis. The world's supply of Alludium Phosdex, the shaving cream atom, is alarmingly low.