- Scott: The trouble with you Sam is that you just never did like women.
- Sacramento Sam: What are you talking about? Didn't I stay with my mother until I was eleven years old?
- Scott: Say, Sam, what would a decent citizen do with this money?
- Sacramento Sam: I wouldn't know. I never met one.
- William Audrey: You've broken the 11th commandment, son. Never accuse a woman of your own imagination. Isn't that true, sister?
- Manicurist: You said it, Pop.
- Mary: [Crying] He's gone. He's left me.
- Scott: Who, your husband?
- Mary: No, my grandfather.
- Scott: You mean the old man who was in here? How do ya like that!
- Mary: I guess he was afraid I'd put him to work. You see, he's a gambler.
- Scott: Well, a guy that old can't get very far in half an hour. Come on, I got a car outside.
- Judge Martin: What a tragic misunderstanding. It seems to me that such antipathy against games of chance is most unusuaul. What's the history of the young girl?
- Sacramento Sam: Just a nice little girl, runs a bookstore.
- Little Joe: The little dame runs a book?
- Sacramento Sam: Reading books.
- Little Joe: You think that ain't a gamble? So, along comes a cyclone, blows down all your potato trees.
- Judge Martin: It seems incredible. I only married 'em last night. They were so young and gay and blind. Ah, it saddens me.
- Judge Martin: Well now, Antony, it would seem that you've met your Cleopatra.
- Sacramento Sam: You know what I remind myself of?
- Judge Martin: What?
- Sacramento Sam: Frankenstein! I have made myself a monster.
- Little Joe: Yeah, but it didn't seem to affect your appetite none.
- Judge Martin: In many years, my friend, I've learned not to confuse my heart with my stomach.