- [questioning the artist about his abstract painting "Moonlight Over Manhattan"]
- Prosecutor: Will you kindly tell us where the moonlight is?
- Roco: Well, it's all moonlight.
- Prosecutor: Then where's Manhattan?
- Roco: Between Brooklyn and Jersey. Everybody knows that.
- Mumbo: Wanna buy a clock? On time?
- Mumbo: Do you wanna buy a deck of cards? It's a good deal.
- Mumbo: Wanna buy a stove? It's hot.
- Mumbo: Wanna buy an anchor? Right off the boat!
- Mumbo: Do you wanna buy a piece of chalk and make your mark in the world?
- Mumbo: Do you wanna buy a beehive? You won't get stung.
- Basil Rathbone: Olsen & Johnson have arrived.
- Nigel Bruce: How do you know?
- Basil Rathbone: I am Sherlock Holmes. I know everything.
- Ole Olsen: Chic, why did you do that? Why did you shoot those lovers?
- Chic Johnson: This is gonna be one movie without a happy ending.
- Chic Johnson: Are you the bellboy?
- Bellhop: Yes.
- Chic Johnson: Take this.
- [Hands him the Liberty Bell]
- Chic Johnson: No cracks.
- Ole Olsen: Universal's most sensational comedy team's outside.
- N.G. Wagstaff: Abbott & Costello - send them in!