- The President: Hello sweetheart.
- Migg Tweeny: Listen, my name's Tweeny.
- The President: You'll always be sweetheart to me.
- Migg Tweeny: I know, I know, but there's talk already.
- Opening Title Card: Klopstokia... a far away country - - Chief Exports... Goats and Nuts - - Chief Imports... Goats and Nuts - - Chief Inhabitants . Goats and Nuts
- Angela: Father, they won't hurt him, will they?
- The President: Only for about two hours - then they'll shoot him.
- Migg Tweeny: After all, what's eight million dollars? Take off the zeroes and what have you got?
- The President: We've got the zeroes. What's bothering me is the eight!
- Migg Tweeny: [singing] Woof Bloogle Gik - Mow - Gik Bloogle Woof - Poof Oggle Ik - Bow Ik Oogle Poof - Quee Pok Pok Pok...
- Migg Tweeny: Gee, terrific. What a marvelous country. Say, I'll bet you if they laid all the athletes end-to-end here, why, they reach...
- Angela: Four hundred and eight-four miles.
- Migg Tweeny: How do you know?
- Angela: We did it once.
- Mata Machree: [singing] It's terrific when I get mean, I'm just a woman made of gelatin, I have a torso like a tambourine, Oh I-yi-yi-yi when I get hot, When I start to dance, The fireworks start to prance...
- Migg Tweeny: Her name Angela, too?
- Angela: All the girls in this country are named Angela and all the men are named George.
- Migg Tweeny: Why?
- Angela: Why not?
- Migg Tweeny: Gentlemen, think of the great battle when Klopstokia won it's independence.
- The Major-Domo: We lost it!
- Angela: I'm so afraid he'll hurt you. He has a ferocious temper. He's apt to break your arm!
- Migg Tweeny: What do I care? I got two of 'em.
- The President: Where are we going to get the rest of the athletes?
- Migg Tweeny: I'll find them. You got bill collectors in this country?
- The President: Thousands of them.
- Migg Tweeny: Then you got runners.
- The President: Everything must be secret. I'm surrounded by spies. Sometimes I mistrust myself.
- Migg Tweeny: Why listen, don't talk to yourself. And if you do - lie.
- The President: Take this to my Privy Counselor.
- Migg Tweeny: Where is he, Your Excellency?
- The President: Where else would a Privy Counselor be? If he's not there, he's with my daughter.
- Migg Tweeny: How far is it?
- Migg Tweeny: Well, that way it's about 30 miles. But, I know a short cut. It's only 40.
- Migg Tweeny: That way you save 10 miles, huh?
- Migg Tweeny: No, but, that way I get a running start.
- Mata's Butler: What do you want?
- Secretary of the Interior: We shall like to see Mata Machree.
- Mata's Butler: But, who wouldn't?
- Secretary of the Treasury: I want to see this woman, no man can resist.
- Mata's Butler: Sorry. Madame is only resisted from two to four in the afternoon.
- Mata Machree: I know why you are here. I know everything! I even know what you think - you beast!
- [singing]
- Mata Machree: Take a look, Just a look, Of the hottest thing in all Klopstokia...
- Mata Machree: [singing] You will learn how to burn, From the hottest thing in all Klopstokia, It's terrific, When I get hot, It's something terrible, the kiss I got...
- Migg Tweeny: I love you.
- Angela: In Klopstokia there's another way of saying that.
- Migg Tweeny: In public?
- Angela: The blood that runs in my father's veins, runs in mine! If I can't make you come with me, I'm not half the man my father is.
- The President: [shouts out the window] Hey, come up here!
- [to Angela]
- The President: What's his name?
- Angela: I call him Sweetheart.
- The President: [shouts out the window] Hey Sweetheart! Come up here!
- [Mata Machree leans against the pedestal of Rodin's The Thinker to think]
- The Thinker: How can I concentrate?