- Glory Eden: I want a playboy.
- Samuel Ipswich: A what?
- Glory Eden: An international playboy. All the girls got 'em. I think they're cute.
- Herbert Childress: No, no, you're spoiling everything! Here we make her the Purity Girl, the symbol of Youth and Purity, and you give her second-hand men. It won't do!
- Glory Eden: Me, that's what I'm thinking of! Me! Dens of iniquity, gambling, dives... That's what I want!
- Speed Dennis: [speaking of Glory] I'm afraid to leave her alone with the bellboy for fear she'll start talking the facts of life.
- Elmerada de Leon: Now tell me everything. You can trust Elmerada. All the movie stars say, "You can trust Elmerada". I know them all. I eat with them, I sleep with them...
- Glory Eden: You sleep with them?
- Elmerada de Leon: [embarrassed, hand to mouth] Why...
- Jim Davey: Smokin' and drinkin' and...
- Glory Eden: Smokin' and drinkin' and... men!
- Jim Davey: And men? H... H... How many?
- Glory Eden: Hmm, I don't remember. Hundreds!
- Ed - the Announcer: Remember Glory - Purity Girl. Remember Ippsie Wippsie - the washcloth of dreams. As soft as the down of a swan. As fragrant as a budding rose. As pure as the Purity Girl.
- Elmerada de Leon: My theory is that she represents the girlhood of the world, the lost innocence that went out with the war. She doesn't drink or smoke. No jazz. Just an old fashioned girl.
- [first lines]
- Ed - the Announcer: This is the Ippsie Wippsie Hour, sponsored by the makers of Ippsie Whippsie, the washcloth of dreams. It brings you each evening at this time, delightful songs of Glory Eden, the Purity Girl. To you in the mountains, by the oceanside, on the desert, a Manhattan penthouse, or a little nest on Main Street, wherever you are, if there's a dream in your heart, listen. For we bring to you the sweetheart every man remembers, the hope of every boy, the girl every woman thinks she was and every maiden wants to be: America's Purity Girl. Glory Eden.
- Glory Eden: [singing] My imaginary sweetheart, I imagine that you're real, You're everything I want you to be...
- Glory Eden: Yes, here we are! Other people are in nightclubs and speakeasies and Harlem! But, here we are!
- Glory Eden: I don't want to be a purity girl! I want to be like other girls! I want - I want a sweetheart!
- Herbert Childress: You better hurry dear and change.
- Glory Eden: Change?
- Herbert Childress: Your gown!
- Glory Eden: What's the matter with it?
- Herbert Childress: Elmerada will expect to see you in negligee.
- Glory Eden: I thought I'd drink champagne, and lobster, and wear a black velvet dress without any back, and long earrings, and - go to the devil! And you won't even take me to Harlem.
- Speed Dennis: If you even look at a man, Walter Winchell has you anticipating a blankety-blank event.
- Winston Appleby: I don't believe I know you. Or, do I?
- O'Connor: No. I'm new here.
- Winston Appleby: Oh, where from?
- O'Connor: Missouri.
- Winston Appleby: Oh, aren't we all.
- Elmerada de Leon: What do you think of women? I'm here to get a story on your opinion on women.
- Jim Davey: Well, sir, the worst woman in the world is better than the best man. And there ain't one of us livin' fit to tie the shoelace of any woman.
- Elmerada de Leon: Oh, lovely, lovely.
- Jim Davey: My mother was a woman.
- Glory Eden: A little kitchen, with shining pots and pans, and Ginger Bread in the oven - that's the life I want.
- Ed - the Announcer: This is the Ippsie Wippsie Hour. Tonight we bring you the wedding of America's Purity Girl and her dream man. I wish we had television, folks, so you could see the many beautiful gifts - Persian rugs, delicate laces, silverware, fragile vases, flowers, linens, beautiful household furnishings. and wearing apparel too numerous to mention.
- Samuel Ipswich: Tell him he's got to do it. Tell him, *please* he's got to do it. Tell him not for her sake. Tell him not for my sake! But, for the product - for Ippsie Wippsie!
- Speed Dennis: Don't worry. Speedy Weedy will take care of it.
- Jim Davey: Stop it!
- Glory Eden: Make me! Make me! You great big - I'll dance if I like. If I want to dance - let go of me!
- [Jim picks her up, places her over his knee, and starts spanking her behind]
- Glory Eden: Stop it! Stop it!
- Jim Davey: [listening to Vera sing a jazzy version of "My Imaginary Sweetheart" on the radio] Say, she makes you feel kind of - they oughtin' a let her do that on the air.
- Glory Eden: It's disgusting!
- O'Connor: Think of it. Every man in the country listening to that creature - and in your place. It's an insult, really!