Colonials

Hot garbage would be too nice to describe this movie. The acting is horrific, the SFX are laughable and the story is mind numbing. Anyone giving this above 1-star must be part of the cast trying to bring the rating up. There isn't anything else to say, but you need to fill the "required characters" so I'll keep typing. Random words. Terrible movie. Do not watch. Most sets look like a junkyard. More random words. Filler,filler. Crazy guy playing in dirt. Trailer park. 1970s satellite dish. Did I mention how bad the CGI is? 8 bit games are better than this movie. Looks like I've finally filled all the characters I need.

It misses on all accounts. The result is a more than disappointing story suited better to a high-school production.

The direction is static and the acting wooden (granted they didn't have a good script to work with) giving the impression you are watching a lego movie. Below par overacting and underwhelming story-line with a under average 'green screen' poorly masked by overpowering color-correction, that is distracting as it cuts from green light to pink to purple and orange.

Disappointing to say the least. There's a reason George Lucas was able to create a classic on self-funded budget - he had good bones to flesh out the characters. I was not even half way and was rooting for any of them.

Right, well the poster/cover for the 2023 sci-fi movie "Colonials" definitely seemed interesting, plus the movie's synopsis also seemed interesting. And that was essentially sufficient to make me sit down and watch "Colonials", and usually I am not overly keen on sci-fi movies.

And after suffering through 18 minutes of this movie, I gave up. I simply just couldn't take more of the dumpster fire that was "Colonials". Seriously, how does something as atrocious as this get to see the light of day in 2023?

The storyline in the movie, well based on the synopsis seemed okay. But after just 18 minutes of laughable CGI and insanely wooden acting, I have to admit that I don't know what the storyline was about. Nor do I actually care anymore.

The acting performances in "Colonials" were wooden, rigid, sluggish and amateurish. And everything was filmed at a green screen, and it was painstakingly obvious. I gave up on the movie after watching leading actor Greg Kriek (playing Silas) perform the most laughable scream of terror ever performed on screen whilst inside an atrociously rendered CGI vehicle.

Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with the cast ensemble, not that there were a lot of performers on the screen in the 18 minutes of sheer torture I sat through. But I perused IMDb after turning off the movie to check who was on the cast list. Not a single familiar face or name on the list.

Now, what really amazed me about "Colonials" was the God awful CGI that was used for virtually everything in the movie, aside from the actors and actresses that were on the screen. Everything was green screen. Terrible green screen, mind you. The CGI was flat, lacking texture and just moved in rigid and awkward manners. It looked worse than a PC game from the 1990s. It was, actually, so horrible to look at that it just drained away all will to watch the movie. How does such horrible CGI get a thumbs up in 2023?

I doubt that even the most hardcore of sci-fi fans will actually get any enjoyment out of watching directors Andrew Balek and Joe Bland's 2023 movie "Colonials".

This was without a doubt the worst movie experience of 2023 so far. The best thing about this project from writers Joe Bland and Cyrus Cheek was actually the cover/poster. This is definitely not a movie that I would recommend you waste your time, money or effort on.

My rating of "Colonials" lands on a well-deserved one out of ten stars.

I got to 16 minutes before I put myself out of my misery. The acting is atrocious and the cgi is like something from a Saturday morning children's television show. The concept is a good one and that's what made me watch it, however from the beginning I regretted it and I'm amazed I lasted as long as I did. This could have been a great film, instead it's probably the worst thing I've ever watched 16 minutes of in my entire life.

If I could have given it a zero I would have, but now I have to think of something to pad this review out to hit the character target for it to be posted...l can't so don't watch it.

This is quite possibly one of the worst film experiences possible.

Most obvious is a sound mix dominated by a deeply unpleasant low pitch rumble that adds nothing but gives the listener a constant headache. A hackneyed script entirely lacking in creativity and nuance is backed up by an edit that looks as if it was made using a blunt, rusty hatchet with the parts randomly shuffled. Some of the worst green screen film making I have seen with a complete lack of subtlety in the horrendous computer generated backgrounds. The unremitting use of oversaturated primary colours is painful to watch. It is an assault on the eyes and ears with no let up from start to finish

This film is entirely devoid of any redeeming qualities.