Colonials

It only takes a few minutes to realise this film is more inline with an episode of Jabberjaw than actual science fiction. The virtual sets and ridiculously annoying cast are as wooden as postman pat or thomas the tank engine. The out of focus camera work on their green screen bedroom set seems like it has more to do with zoom abuse in post production but I don't really care what the actual reason for that is, it's just unwatchable crapola.

The desperate vibe from the cast makes me think they thought this was going to be a real film once it all came together, they give off a cheesy vibe like they're actually thinking their lines are hitting just right. I guess they are if you enjoy the feeling of extreme cringe.

Giving this 1 star is a wild assumption it even deserves a rating at all, I'm writing this review more as a warning to anyone wondering if this is worth watching. Just to be very upfront if you misunderstood my past words, it's not worth 2 seconds of your life.

It misses on all accounts. The result is a more than disappointing story suited better to a high-school production.

The direction is static and the acting wooden (granted they didn't have a good script to work with) giving the impression you are watching a lego movie. Below par overacting and underwhelming story-line with a under average 'green screen' poorly masked by overpowering color-correction, that is distracting as it cuts from green light to pink to purple and orange.

Disappointing to say the least. There's a reason George Lucas was able to create a classic on self-funded budget - he had good bones to flesh out the characters. I was not even half way and was rooting for any of them.

Hot garbage would be too nice to describe this movie. The acting is horrific, the SFX are laughable and the story is mind numbing. Anyone giving this above 1-star must be part of the cast trying to bring the rating up. There isn't anything else to say, but you need to fill the "required characters" so I'll keep typing. Random words. Terrible movie. Do not watch. Most sets look like a junkyard. More random words. Filler,filler. Crazy guy playing in dirt. Trailer park. 1970s satellite dish. Did I mention how bad the CGI is? 8 bit games are better than this movie. Looks like I've finally filled all the characters I need.

Wow, I thought the recent War of the Worlds was bad, but this dire piece of garbage movie-making actually made that look professional.

I can't figure out how films like this actually see the light of day.

Terrible acting, terrible script and terrible CGI. Ok it gets 1 star for occasionally having a not too bad CGI scene but 5 seconds later they are back to looking like something an 8 year old did on their iPad.

Maybe it was supposed to be like this, the scriptwriter and director(s) were trying to make the dullest cheesiest sci-fi mangled steaming pile - in which case, well done, you succeeded beyond your dreams.

Wow, this is possibly the worst movie I've seen in the last decade. It really is jaw droppingly awful.

The special effects are hilarious and look like they've been created by a 9 year old using a Commodore Amiga.

Acting is delivered with all the charisma but none of the warmth of a piece of structural timber.

Soundtrack is abysmal and fits the movie in the same way a pair of gloves would fit a fish.

I genuinely cannot believe that anyone thought this was a good idea and then after seeing the abomination they had created, decided to put it out for public consumption.

Even Asylum would be ashamed to create something this bad and they have a spectacular back catalogue of dreadful movies.

Is there a place for this movie? Yes, most definitely....it's called the bin.