Slayers

There is absolutely nothing positive or good I can say about this movie. If I could give it a 0-Rating, I would. I have seen some 'stinkers' in my life, but this movie was so bad I had to come and warn you & other movie-goers:

"No! No! No! Steer clear & run away!"

I watched the movie till the end in the hopes that it might get better or end on a high note. It never did. The acting, the music, the camera work, the bad dialogue, the actors... everything is just bad!

I wish I had money to throw away like the people or film houses that actually produce or approve these films. Thomas Jane & Malin Akerman must really be hard up for work. It's sad, because they have made good movies before.

Slayers is a vampire parody that hits upon every wannabe social media influencer trope from tik tok to twitch streamers...and even tv.

We find ourselves following a collective of influencers, who call themselves "The Stream Team", on their journey to meet a powerful and influential former record turned television executive slash real estate developer, who gaslights the public by fashioning himself as a fake woke eco-warrior.

He pretends to want to recruit these social media icons to take over his company.

But, really...he and his friends are just vampires, who want to harvest them for their blood.

Being a parody, the cringe characters come off as particularly annoying.

But this is clearly part of the design.

The narrator and protagonist of the film is a rough and tumble vampire hunter who lives and operates out of his RV.

He acts as a parody of internet conspiracy theorists, after being initiated into the such a life, when his rockstar daughter was lured in by the same reclusive billionaire that is targeting this group of influencers...only to be killed and harvested herself.

He tried to intervene and save her...but he was too late.

Inevitably leading him down this benevolent path of vengeance.

The only one he is able to convince, however, is a completive Modern Warfare twitch streamer...who watched one of her friends being killed by one of these vampires.

So, obviously, they team up to try and stop them...in John Carpenter fashion.

But they take way too long to develop the storyline...wasting too many minutes with pointless filler designed to lure in the attention of stream viewers.

By the time they get through this, they are already introducing the twist...but things are just too fast paced for any of it to really settle in...before we're into the action.

All of which is portrayed as a video game...streamed for an attentive internet audience...of course.

Ironically, though, the vampires suck.

They just aren't cool in any conceivable manner.

Plus, the action is super lame.

Further irony being derived from the fact that the entire allure of streamers is their character development...based around the idea that we are constantly able to tune in on their lives in the most intimate settings.

Whereas there is virtually no character development here...at all...so you never really care about any of the characters in the film, at any given point.

To their credit, they do make an effort to give the characters a backstory, but there is far too much going on for it to have the intended effect.

Making the whole thing feel empty and soulless.

It just plods on, and when it's over, it's almost like it didn't even happen at all...because you never gave a damn to begin with.

Which leaves you feeling like watching it at all was just a complete waste of time.

Is that the commentary they were going for?

Either way, the final third of the film is just bad.

Garbage action sequences aside...they keep stopping things to insert lore...but it just doesn't work...and kills any semblance of flow they still had going for it.

So chock up it's failure to bad writing and really poor construction.

Cause in the end, this movie just sucks.

1.5 out of 10.

This is how you stack the deck with some fine actors and only enable them to fail. The script is surprisingly mundane on this. The camera work, directing, and editing is equally as bad. The end product, although entertaining for small occasional moments, is incoherent and tedious with just a lot of random surreal scene fractions spewed out to kill the time. There are pieces and parts that are ok, and some fractions can be entertaining at their core, but the clumsy filming style with the camera always moving and bouncing around brings it down to an abnoxious level, similar to the sterotype influencers put in as characters. The actors were the only saving grace to keep this from being a turned-it-off event for me.

Part of the endless supply of awful movies brought to you by Hulu. This movie not only was terrible, anyone associated with it should question their judgement and life choices. Snap edits take the place of special effects and copious amounts of B-Roll take the place of acting and writing - not that you need more of either in this movie because both suck. How a movie like this can find funding to be produced is a question for the ages. The next question for the ages is: Why did I sit through this entire pile of garbage?

If you like torturing yourself by watching movies that don't even deserve one star (apparently I do), then go for this one. It won't disappoint.

Well, the 2022 horror comedy "Slayers" definitely had potential to be something good. And I will say that I was initially intrigued by the movie's synopsis and also the fact that Thomas Jane was in the movie. Needless to say that I had to sit down and watch the movie and have my curiosity sated.

And while the concept for "Slayers" was good, then writers Zack Imbrogno and K. Asher Levin went a little bit overboard here, and the movie went from being a fun and enjoyable horror comedy to somewhat of a farce. The storyline just drowned away in the constant attempts from writers Zack Imbrogno and K. Asher Levin to put in as much crazy stuff as possible.

It was a shame that the writers went overboard with mutating this movie into something rather grotesque, because it took away from the enjoyment of the movie. I have to say that "Slayers" turned out to be quite something else than what I had anticipated.

They had a good cast ensemble for the movie, with the likes of Thomas Jane, Malin Akerman and others. However, the actors and actresses were struggling with having a subpar script to work with here.

Visually then "Slayers" was a good movie, and that at least counted for something.

While I sat through the entire 88 minutes that the movie ran for, I was only mildly entertained. It is not a horror comedy that I am going to be recommending to people, nor is it a horror comedy that I will ever return to watch a second time.

My rating of director K. Asher Levin's 2022 horror comedy "Slayers" lands on a four out of ten stars.