The Witches of Dumpling Farm

One of the biggest piles of ---- out there... The effects are laughable ,at one point thrown on the ground thorn out hand was bouncing up and down,clearly cheapest Halloween prop...the rest is not much better.If you want to learn,how not to make horror films,please,watch it. Gave it a 2 just for some atmospheric camera angles...Who the hell paying to produce this refuse???

Greetings and salutations, and welcome to my review of 2018s The Witches of Dumpling Farm: AKA Wicked Witches.

The Story gets a 0 out of 2: There are too many holes in this weakly scripted tale. Too many to mention, but I'll give one as an example. Our anti-hero has been kicked out of his family home and is seeking alternative accommodation. Luckily he finds an ad in the paper, he telephones it, and the guy on the other end announces the room's his if he wants it. We later find out that these two, who acted as strangers on the phone, were formerly besties. Yeah right!

The Pickering Brothers, who wrote and directed this travesty, are terrible at crafting personalities. Which constitutes the reason they fill most of the screen time with drug-taking and overweight middle-aged has-been idiots. For the most part, it looks like they merely asked the guys to be themselves.

The witches themselves are NOT witches. They are monster witches who want to devour your flesh and have the gnashers to do so. It's another easy out for our unimaginative writers. All these women do is troll about, supposedly looking awesomely beautiful: Shame they look like cheap hookers who shop at Primark. They scream strangely and annoyingly, then show off their terrible dentistry before devouring your face.

The directors even dared to steal from The Blair Witch Project (or are they calling it "Paying Tribute To"(?)) When the massacre scene begins, we see loads of scary twigs hanging up. Ooh, I'm shivering in my booties.

It wouldn't surprise me if the boring bro's put this film together to show off their musical skills. Yep, on top of being bad film-makers, they're a band. But don't worry, their music is marginally better than this film. But not to miss a trick or two; they get their crappier music mates to add to the soundtrack. A marvellous way to get your songs to stand out more. They even used the festival they played at, DumpFest - yeah, that's right, "Worst Name For A Festival EVER!" They slid in drone shots of the DumpFest patrons parking their cars. The cue of automobiles was to show how many guests were ar the Awesome House Warming Party they were throwing. Trouble is when you regard the crowd of party-goers, you realise there's must be seven cars to one guest. I love it when film-makers produce this kind of mistake. Unintentional giggles are great.

The Direction and Pace receive a 0.25 out of 4: The direction actually scores some points as there are some decent aerial shots, thanks to the drone pilot. There's even one decent shot of the car and witch chase when we see the fleeing car zoom past a wheat field in the inky night. It's only on for a second, but it's notable because the rest is so dull.

The Acting gets a 0.25 out of 2: The leading actor does try giving the audience something interesting. But it's way too little, and he's not an appealing character.

And, my Enjoyment level hits a 0 out of 2: Thank god for the distraction of the internet. Without it, I wouldn't have made it through this abomination of a film.

The total scores give The Dumpy Witches a 0.5 out of 10: I sat through this film so you don't have to. Enough said!

Floss those teeth, get rid of all the bloody flesh, jump on your broomstick and fly over to my Absolute Horror list to see where this terrible film ranks. But moreover, to discover something better to watch.

Right, well let's me just start out by saying that "The Witches of Dumpling Farm" wasn't exactly what I had hoped it would be. I sat down to watch this 2019 movie from writers Mark Pickering and Martin J Pickering with the understanding that this was going to be a horror movie.

While "The Witches of Dumpling Farm" did have some horror elements to it, it was quite far from being an actual scary horror movie. Quite far indeed.

This is not a very long movie, but it felt like I was sitting through a 3 hour long movie. Why? Well, because the pacing of the storyline was just atrociously slow. It took forever to go from A to B, and very little of any interest happened along the way.

Most of the movie was just close ups of people looking at each other awkwardly, and it felt like 90% of the movie was just filler to make it become a feature length movie.

The storyline was too simplistic to provide proper entertainment, and there weren't any surprises along the way. It was just a straight forward monotonous ride.

The acting in the movie was adequate, taking into consideration the extreme limitations that was enforced on the actors and actresses in terms of a lousy script and storyline, and having essentially pointless characters to work with.

All in all, "The Witches of Dumpling Farm" wasn't a particularly entertaining or enjoyable movie, nor was it a particularly memorable movie. I managed to sit through it, but was hard pressed to keeping my focus, and I will never return to watch it a second time around.

My rating of "The Witches of Dumpling Farm" is a mere three out of ten stars.

Missing a script. At least I think that's what is wrong with this film. It was awful and ridiculous. The basic idea could be cool; the filming and acting wasn't horrible; just missing anything to tie it together. 20 minutes of drugs; 20 minutes of this, that, and the other thing. Just doesn't get there.

This movie is so so bad that my eyes began bleeding and shut down on me.