O Legionário

I lost an hour and a half of my life watching this drivel. From poor directing, acting, confusing plot, lines that are beyond bad... I need to find a way to remove this "movie" from my memories. Two stars because I am in a generous mood.

This is quite simply unwatchable. The state of decline of Mickey Rourke, whose opening line is a pathetic mispronunciation of "Caligula" - "Caliglia," slurs Rourke - seems somehow to mirror the decline of the entire industry, perhaps of the country as a whole. What little of this I was able to sit through is bad in that grotesque way only a culture in the throes of total disintegration can produce.

This movie is a subject matter I like so I gave it a shot but wow.

My biggest issue is Mickey Rourke. He fumbles through his lines while reading them off a teleprompter. He's wearing fake eye lashes on one eye and has manicured nails. He looks ridiculous.

The filmmakers must have really struggled with him. They had an idea in mind and they went for it. In many scenes the other actors give it their all which is why I gave this a 4.

The effects aren't great. I can forgive that. The action is okay. I can forgive that.

Mickey Rourke ruins the whole thing. He obviously can't even memorize a few lines now. I hope they didn't pay him too much. He clearly didn't prepare and was probably a nightmare to work with.

It's not often that I really criticise a movie, but this movie is utter dross.

From first minute to last, dross. Who thought it was a good idea to cast Mickey Rourke as a Roman general? He sounds like a punch-drunk Rocky doing an impersonation of Rod Steiger. Terrible casting.

The acting was as wooden as the trees in the Armenian forests. The editing and continuity were beyond bad. I mean, really, terrible. When the lead was scaling the cliffs, the continuity was all over the place. He was all over the rock face every 30 seconds, with the same sequence being reused several times, even though he'd moved on to a different section of the cliff just moments earlier.

The fight scenes were pathetic. The Asian woman cast as Rourke's mistress could hardly speak a word of English and mangled the lines badly.

The only one to come out of it with any credit was the actress playing Doria, the Armenian girl who helped the lead when he was lost in the mountains.

Seriously, don't waste your time.

For those of us who are going to Hell, this would be the only movie playing, over and over again. If given the choice between watching this movie or getting the Covid, my mask would be off. Stay away Stay far away........,