Tubarão Assassino

Very skilled actors performing a poorly written script, which is exactly what you're expecting (and admit it, hoping for) from movies like this.

When I found this 2018 movie titled "Santa Jaws", I must admit that I was immediately intrigued. Sure, I knew this movie was most likely going to be an abysmal B-movie, but still it sounded like something that might actually just turn out to be one of those rare gems that are so cheesy and bad that it is actually good.

And guess what? It was. Yeah, it was. "Santa Jaws" was indeed a super campy and cheesy movie, a spoof almost, and it was actually so far out there and so bad that the movie was entertaining and enjoyable to watch. There is just something oddly appealing about movies like "Santa Jaws". And I do love it when these bad movies are so bad that they actually being enjoyable.

The storyline in "Santa Jaws" is pretty straight forward and very predictable, of course. But still, writer Jake Kiernan had managed to put together something very unique and oddly memorable. And the concept of the movie was just so far out there that it actually worked wonderfully. And director Misty Talley did a good job in bringing the movie to life on the screen.

One would think that a movie such as "Santa Jaws" would be befuddled by atrociously bad CGI and special effects. But it wasn't. Sure, this was not special effects that will blow you away, but the CGI and special effects were actually surprisingly good for a movie such as this. Sure, there were some cringeworthy moments of CGI as well, but hey...

"Santa Jaws" had a nice ensemble of actors and actresses on the cast list. Most of these performers were unfamiliar faces to me, which is something I enjoy in movies. Ritchie Montgomery, however, was the only familiar face to me in the entire movie.

I am rating "Santa Jaws" a six out of ten stars. Yeah, I found it to be oddly enjoyable. If you have the time and opportunity, then you should sit down to watch this 2018 movie, as it might actually have some entertainment value to you, if you enjoy goofy and campy shark movies.

The concept of the film makes it obvious it shouldn't be taken seriously and once that is realized it's actually a fun entertaining film. The acting was pretty good from everyone and the film's lead Reid Miller (Play by Play, A Girl Named Jo) carries the film nicely.

The emotional moments of the film came off as genuine and there's definitely some laugh out loud moments. I actually wouldn't mind a sequel to it (as long as it doesn't go on too long like the Sharknado films) and i'll definitely be adding it to my playlist of Christmas movies this year as well.

If you like cheesy but entertaining movies definitely check this one out!

If you have the opportunity to view this film, please consider roasting your chestnuts on an open fire instead - it will be less painful.

There are movies that are so terribly written, acted and filmed that it's a pure joy to cackle at their absurdity (I'm looking at you, Birdemic, Operation Golden Pheonix, et. Al.) but this one couldn't even make that grade. Whatever laughter surfaced seemed forced and accidental with the exception of the obviously rubber crocodile with vermillion-red blood, props that change size without explanation and terribly tiny turkeys (more on that in a moment).

Featuring dialogue written by one million moneys - obviously high on eggnog, emotionless delivery so bland it makes English cuisine seem flavourful and pacing that allows for ample bathroom breaks between lines for you to hurl your Christmas cookies.

I think we can all accept that this offering only exists as a commercial for the local comic book shop - as our protagonists spend more time there in awkward dialogue than anywhere else. It's here where our plucky heroes stock up on dollar-store Hallowe'en "weapons" to fight our CGI shark - from a flaccid-fire crossbow, plastic spear and mace, to a turkey-tossing-trebuchet fashioned out of the dockside picnic tables.

There are numerous attempts to craft some "catchphrases" all of which fall on their faces about as flat as their delivery. The most memorable of which is "bells on shark tails ring". Yes, you read that right, unfortunately.

I spent 5 hours watching this 1 1/2 hour flick which was one half "Home Alone", one half "Jaws" and one half "Simon In The Land of Chalk Drawings". Yes, that's three halves because the math in this review should match the ridiculous absurdity of the film.

Whomever green-lit this Christmas turd should face a firing line of wooden soldiers. If you ever wondered what happened to the discarded snips of film from the cutting room floor of the Sharknado series - they were swept up and compiled into this holiday train wreck.

The real gift to the cast of this "movie" is that they'll never have to appear in another.

You get what you pay for with "Santa Jaws". It's a silly but mostly fun movie. The location is nice and the cast is good. The shark scenes are worth the wait. I have nothing bad to say about "Santa Jaws". I don't think it will become a Christmas tradition but that's okay. It was a fun watch last night. Honorable mention: a dreamy Haviland Stillwell.