Missão Condor

If Paramount Pictures places a movie in theaters there's some expectation of size and scale, especially for a movie that bills itself an action-thriller, but Condor's Nest falls short.

Story: 6/10. Nothing original here, a very standard revenge story that gets a few extra points for surprising me at times.

Performances: 7/10. This is the movie's strong point. Arnold Vosloo makes a great baddie. Newcomers Al Pagano and Corinne Britti bring deeply-needed color to an otherwise grim spectacle. Michael Ironside and Jorge Garcia have surprise cameos that drive the story along even if they aren't particularly memorable.

Production: 3/10. Perhaps expectations were too high, but I had a hard time believing the car chase was real, that the plane was really crashing, that we were really in the 1950s. The cinematography is on point but even that can't save it from low-budget malaise.

Final score 5/10.

I'll start on a couple of positive notes.

There are two good things about this movie: 1) It's in color, and 2) It ended.

I'd say about 33% of this film is people being held at gunpoint, 33% is people being shot in the head, and the final third is people yelling at each other.

There's one long stretch with Heinrich Himmler (who here looks like a dead ringer for Hitler, which he wasn't in real life) heading up a meeting of 10 or so old Nazis (all speaking German so you have to read the subtitles throughout, whereas it would have been a good place for them to just slip into English with a German accent.

There's a long opening scene in which, after the Americans' bomber crashes near the "front lines" in France but most of the crew survives, a really bad SS guy (you'll recognize him from one of the Mummy movies) shows up, holds the crew at gunpoint, then eventually shoots all of them in the head just for giggles. It sets the thematic tone for the whole movie.

And did I mention poor acting throughout the film? Yeah, it's there and it's pretty consistent.

I dunno - maybe 2 stars is a bit generous for this one.

Right, well I have to admit that I hadn't heard about this 2023 movie titled "Condor's Nest" from writer and director Phil Blattenberger prior to sitting down to watch it. And I wasn't exactly harboring much of any high hopes for the movie, as the movie's synopsis and cover wasn't exactly screaming top notch entertainment.

However, I opted to watch the movie and give writer and director Phil Blattenberger the benefit of the doubt.

And color me impressed, because "Condor's Nest" turned out to be rather enjoyable and entertaining. The storyline was far better than I had initially feared, and an interesting character gallery definitely helped bring the movie to life on the screen.

They also had a good cast ensemble of actors and actresses on the cast list. And I will say that the performances in the movie were quite good.

Visually then "Condor's Nest" was an okay movie. But luckily it was not a movie that was depending on having an array of over-the-top special effects. Whatever effects were in the movie served their purpose quite well.

What really was good here, was the fact that the Germans actually spoke German. I loathe it when you watch something where it is just English with a thick caricature accent slapped on top of it. Having the Germans actually speaking German just adds a whole layer of credibility to the movie.

I was genuinely entertained and surprised with "Condor's Nest". And it is a movie that is well-worth spending 102 minutes on watching.

My rating of "Condor's Nest" lands on a six out of ten stars.

Condor's Nest promises us a trip across South America on an old-fashioned Nazi-hunting adventure and in spite of some deficiencies it delivers.

We're thrown into war-torn Europe in the film's opening scene, as the story's protagonist, Will Spalding, watches German colonel Martin Bach (Arnold Vosloo, more on that in a moment) gun down his entire platoon. Through an act of cowardice, Will alone survives.

Jump ten years later to Argentina and Will's killing runaway Nazis left and right, all in pursuit of that same Martin Bach. Enter an Israeli spy and a two-faced atomic scientist and things get complicated quick, a shaky alliance between the three culminating in a raid on a neo-Nazi fortress know as the Condor's Nest.

There's a lot of good things about this movie. It's well-paced, visually expansive, and its various arcs are compelling, if uninventive. There's even a few great things about it: its lead ensemble (Jacob Keohane, Al Pagano, Corinne Britti) is an absolute joy to watch, and Arnold Vosloo brings an incredible amount of presence to the role of the heavy. Add to that the movie's many notable character actors, from Michael Ironside to James Urbaniak, who help drive along the plot.

The bad? Well, it just wasn't terribly inventive. It's a stylized thriller that doesn't attempt to break any new ground. It could've been an 80's World War Two movie. And that's not a bad thing - in fact, I believe it's a strength - but if you're looking for something totally original you won't find it here.

This is by far the worst attempt at a war film, that I'm guessing, was also trying to be funny in a Inglourious Basterds kind of way, but not even a smirk was cracked - more like cringe moments. This felt more like a long, dragged out bad SNL sketch. The 102 min runtime felt endless with terrible pacing and long dragged out and mostly unnecessary scenes. At best, this should've been a short film. The story was just flaccid, lame, and boring. I've seen better cast performances in a high school drama class, but I'm sure most of the blame falls on writer and director Phil Blattenberger's inexperience on how to direct his cast properly. I'm not sure why this nonsense was even made. The bogus high reviews are more entertaining. It's a very generous 3/10 from me, being very forgiving for many rookie mistakes by a newb filmmaker. Blattenberger should've at least consulted a more experienced filmmaker for the many needed areas of improvement.