- [Moira's wheelchair won't go over the step into Bartleby Cathedral]
- Moira: Why is this cathedral not wheelchair-accessible?
- Mildred: Accessibility wasn't really an issue in the 15th century. They didn't have you in mind when they built this place. If they had, we'd be seeing an access ramp on a tapestry.
- Moira: I'll have you know this country was built by people exactly like me.
- Mildred: What? Post-menopausal killjoys with an attitude problem? I doubt it, love. They'd have burned you as a witch. Or just for a bit of peace and quiet.
- Doc: Ladies, you'll have to forgive Kevin here, had a knock on the head and he has some memory problems.
- Kevin: Do I? Oh. That would explain a lot.
- Peggy, Mildred, Marge: Awww!
- Peggy: My Derek had that. Very forgetful. But only when it came to birthdays, anniversaries, and not sleeping with my sister.
- Doc: Well, that's... fascinating.
- Grace: Excuse me. We were promised executive seating.
- Gemma: Oh, they are all executive seats.
- Grace: Really? There's what I think is a pork scratching down the side of mine.
- Gemma: Why not try to think of it as... an executive pork scratching?
- Grace: [whispers] One other thing. Do we have to sit across from these... people? They're like zombies in support tights.
- Marge: And what about us? You've sat us over from this snotty woman and her ferret- faced husband.
- Grace: How did you hear that?
- Marge: I've got me hearing aid cranked right up, love, in case folk are talking about me. Anyway, what have we got to look at, you and that gormless lump.
- Grace: That is eavesdropping!
- Marge: Your husband's got a head like a sad potato. It's not his fault; it's the way he's built. I've got varicose veins you can see from space, and Mildred here, she's got a hairy back.
- Mildred: You said you wouldn't tell!
- Peggy: And I'm agoraphobic and claustrophobic, so I'm never really settled.
- Terry: And please, no one forget where we're parked. If you get left behind, you're own your own. You'll just have to set up a life here for yourself.
- Grace: What if the killer is one of us?
- Terry: Looking round here, I don't see a gang of potential murderers. I see a group of people that I'm amazed can function in modern society. There's not a single person here with the first clue about setting something up this intelligent.
- Peggy: Aw, thank you for believing in us, Terry.
- Mildred: We're absconding, like Thelma and Louise. We were two Thelmas and a Louise, but one of the Thelmas just got taken away in a body bag.
- Mildred: Gemma, dear, if we die in the night, I'd just like to say this is the best adventure we've ever had.