The Legend of Robert the Doll

I normally get really pissed off when I waste my time on a bad film. However, don't get me wrong this is awful, but as its sooo bad it just makes you laugh. At least I won't forget this one in a hurry lool.

It will always be a mystery to me, why these kind of movies get made. Setting things up in nazi Germany around the 1940s usually goes 2 ways. It will be either extremely authentic with a lot of love to details, focussing on the cruel mindset of the fanatically following soldiers, or, just as we can see in this movie as simply another one of countless examples out there, with the main focus on crappy German accent throughout the entire dialogue lines, preferably adding nothing special to the plot and already were annoying at times of Indiana Jones and such alikes. Just because there are actors like Schwarzenegger (I know, Austrian origin, but the point remains the same), who never ever felt the need to visit a language class to get rid of this accent after living in the US for decades, it doesn't justify a movie made in 2018 to still base entire fims on this atrocity of a conversation tool. And The Revenge of Robert the Doll delivers basically only that. Terrible lines, horrible acting, bad effects and no scares whatsoever throughout the entire film. People get asked a question in this dismembered English and answer back in German. Several times with the lousy cliche "nein". Someone at some point found this funny for no reason. Imagine a country constantly jiggeling over a "no" for almost a century. Your only thought will be: What the...? I can honestly say that I had this thought all the way through, no matter what the movie brought up. On top they like to throw in some other German vocabulary and then it becomes even worse. These actors were not even able to pronounce the words or names of the cities correctly. For sakes of authenticity please use real Germans (even if it might just be for a quick voice over) or stick to your guns and do it in your native tongue. Whatever you do, stop pretending! In this movie there was only one woman fluent in the language and she was not even relevant to the plot. What a sad summary. This is one of the worst films I have ever seen. I never saw the other parts and that seems to be a good thing after this wasted 1 hour and 20 minutes. You can call this a Horror movie, but only because everything in it was aweful. Not to use the phrase horrible.

I've watched a couple of the Robert movies, and yes, they are dire, but oddly entertaining. The acting is mostly dreadful, and the storylines are weak. The main gripe for me though, is the complete lack of authenticity with regard to the sets. This film is supposedly set in Nazi Germany, yet the cottage and the train station they used are so obviously somewhere in England. The station signs are in English, the train is English, the interior of the cottage is typically English, the countryside looks English.

Then there's the toy maker's makeup. In order to make him appear old, they have applied heavy makeup to his face. Unfortunately it looks like he has had an accident with some playdoh.

I actually gave up on this half way through as there was no sign of Robert. All in all, simply awful.

As the title says, where was he? Oh right: he appears an hour into the movie for 2 minutes and has 2 scenes. Terrible. The beginning of this movie is 40 minutes too long. What's happening has nothing to do with Robert/toy maker, and doesn't really tie in. All the films in the franchise are awful, but this is the worst so far. Hopefully with how the movie ends they won't make any more.

Robert (2015) was a really quite terrible effort at a killer doll horror movie which somehow someway has had a sequel every year since. So here we are on part 4 and unsurprisingly I wasn't excited to see it.

The first 3 movies amassed nine out of a potential 30 points from me here on IMDB, the best by far being the third.

Here we see the Toymaker on the run from german forces, all eager to get hold of his book and the secrets it contains. If you're watching for killer doll action then you're not going to be happy, the dolls probably make up around 2 minutes of the film total. This is not a film about Robert at all.

Once again it has strong vibes of the Puppet Master (1989) franchise, but fails to live up to even their lackluster quality.

With shoddy effects, ridiculous prosthetics and a generic script this is another dud for the series.

The Good:

Well scored

Archive footage

The Bad:

Most pathetic German accents I've ever heard

Weak sfx

Badly false advertised

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Somewhere along the way the creators thought people would be happy with a killer doll movie with no actual killer doll action