The Detained

Lame. Boring. Drawn out.

Slow. Only for diehard thriller seekers.

Plays up, a little, HS some HS stereotypes.

I would've stopped watching at 15 minutes, but I have a 2nd screen to occupy time.

I actually watched about 1/3, skipping ahead. The last 10 minutes was an uneventful ending.

I certainly wouldn't have padi for this, but I download for free all the movies I watch.

So let's see, five high school teens have been naughty and go to Saturday detention in an abandoned prison (say what?). There's the conceited hottie, the athletic female jock, the manly skateboarder, the male hottie, and the gay black boy. Put them together with the school principal and some are bound to die, right? Maybe, maybe not.

I guessed who the so-called killer was about 10 minutes in. So why did I bother watching? I was hoping to see some good old fashioned horror scares, some light-hearted comedic banter, and perhaps a little skin thrown in as a bonus...but no such luck.

Is it a worthwhile watch? Nope.

The camera work and the actual look of everything was well done for a movie with what I assume was a shoestring budget. The premise is fairly simple, bit of 'Breakfast Club' in a prison attempt where the students are all hunted by an unknown assailant. And that's about all there is to the plot.

The problem is everything else. It's hard to criticize the acting because the dialogue and actions they say and do are so...juvenile and stupid that I don't think any actor would have been able to make them work. It's obvious the writers have no idea how modern teens talk or behave. They're supposedly arch-type teenagers but they're archetypes lifted from like a 2005 Nickelodeon sitcom. Nothing that happens ever has any real impact, there's no emotional connection to any of these characters because they're all sort of unbearable and annoying. There's no sense of dread or fear. It's just a group of "teens" making stupid quips as they wander around a prison until one of them supposedly dies.

I say supposedly because you never actually SEE anything that happens. Literally all the violence, if there is any, happens off screen. You never actually see what happens to a character when they're killed off. You see them being approached, a scared face, and then the scene is over and the story has moved on already.

Basically if this is a horror, comedy, and drama genre movie without any actual horror, comedy, or drama in it...then what is it? That's the feeling this movie leaves you with. It's nothing. It's not offensive really, there's just no point to watching it. It's just some fairly well shot unimaginative boring nonsense with a couple funny lines. Can't recommend it.

Just don't watch this. Go out, meet friends, even stay in, but just don't turn this on. Nothing happens. Nothing. Cast of 6 running round a jail. Nope.

I would like to preface this review with: it's so bad!! it's so, so bad!!! The characters and the way they interact and their dialogue is all completely unsalvageable! But I had so much fun watching this thing!! From just the scene of them getting off the bus you already know what you're in for. This one kid does the sign of the cross and hold up the line and it's really painfully awkward (and is also gay so of course his bible (which he carries everywhere) is bedazzled) and this other character (who's my personal favorite) is obviously played by someone who just barely kind of knows how to skateboard even though it's the characters whole schtick. Like if you really want to laugh just watch them in the background, it's incredible. In the bus scene they like throw down the skateboard and then pounce onto it (seriously, they tuck their legs in and everything), but you can still tell the actor didn't know what to do beyond that so you kind of see them just outside of frame bend down to pick it back up and walk. Only to, once in the hallway, put the skateboard back down by crouching instead of just, you know, dropping it, and then they proceed to skate for about six whole seconds where they get dangerously closer and closer to a wall they obviously don't know how to avoid. This is just the first five minutes. I genuinely recommend watching this horrible, horrible, horrible movie just to guess how many scenes they had to reshoot because of the skateboarding kid. Loved it.