- Emily Walters: Are you judging me?
- Donald Horner: Well, I'm trying to, but you're not giving me much to work on.
- Emily Walters: Hey, what's wrong with you? Every time someone threatens your pride or hurts your little fat feelings, you puff up like an emotional porcupine.
- Emily Walters: [Standing in front of her husband's grave] I know I've said this before. But even to this day, I still can't help but think about... what could have been going on -
- [looking around to both sides]
- Emily Walters: excuse me - with you and that little whore, whose pictures you left in your safety deposit box. The safety deposit box, for God's sakes, you idiot!
- [Flings a bunch of flowers at the headstone]
- Emily Walters: I'm not gonna let this go, you sleeping bastard!
- Donald Horner: Do you think my mother bore a complete halfwit?
- Emily Walters: Is there such a thing as a complete halfwit?
- Donald Horner: If people want to stay attached to their radioactive walkie-talkies it's their business. Do I like what they're doing? No. Do I like them? Probably not. Do I respect their right to do as their little shallow hearts desire? I most certainly do. So, no, I don't care.
- Donald Horner: So am I different to what you expected?
- Emily Walters: [Hesitates and takes a drink] Hmm. Perhaps. You seem...
- Donald Horner: Go on.
- Emily Walters: Cleaner.
- Donald Horner: That's honest.
- Emily Walters: It's always a lot of fun to be told one is just blindly stumbling their way through life.
- Donald Horner: Well, you know, stumbling has its benefits. You stumbled my way, after all.
- James Smythe: [Looking through Emily's papers] Listen, um... It's not good. And, um, I have a sense that this is just the sort of tip of the iceberg.
- Emily Walters: Yeah, I know. I left the iceberg at home.
- Donald Horner: What am I, your cause of the month now? Couldn't get anywhere with global warming, no?
- Mark Kasdan: Mr Horner, I'm Mark Kasdan from the Hampstead and Highgate Express. If you have a moment...
- Donald Horner: Do you think I'm just made of moments that I can pass around like Communion wafers?
- David: Well, you have certainly captured your public's imagination.
- Donald Horner: They can have it back if I can keep my home.
- Steve Crowley: Can you please say what Mr. Horner did next?
- Leon Rowlands: He wrapped the notice around a parsnip and handed it back to me.
- Steve Crowley: And did you accept it?
- Donald Horner: May I object?
- Leon Rowlands: I did not accept that parsnip.
- Donald Horner: No, it was a carrot.
- Judge: [Members of the public are cheering] Please! Will you not do that. It's not Britain's Got Talent
- Fiona: Listen, could you be an absolute star and come back tonight? There's something I need to talk about.
- Emily Walters: Oh, well, I'm sorry, but I'm having dinner with Philip tonight.
- Fiona: Oh! You can cancel him. He's only your son.
- Donald Horner: [James Smythe threatens him with a ukulele] What are you gonna do? Strum me to death?
- Fiona: If we wait too long we shrivel up like some imported apricot sitting on the shelf in Waitrose.
- Emily Walters: I got stuck in traffic.
- Donald Horner: You live across the street.
- Emily Walters: Yeah, that's how bad it was.
- Donald Horner: I could almost accept that if you hadn't seemed quite so humiliated up there.
- Emily Walters: I was humiliated. I was humiliated about myself and that's the truth.
- Fiona: Come on, you at least need a good time.
- Emily Walters: Well, you know me. I just... mediocre times, that's about all I can handle right now.
- Philip: I have a feeling you're not telling me everything.
- Emily Walters: What could I possibly be hiding?
- [Donald comes in frolicking and humming]