- Melanie Cross: My mother used to say that no one raindrop ever thought it caused the flood. I now know what she meant by that.
- The Reaper: I'm only the messenger, Derek. Screaming at me is like yelling at your watch because you're late.
- Derek Cho: [Talking to Mark the psychiatrist] How do i feel... ehm. I feel like taking my clothes off, i feel like causing extraordinary amounts of property damage. I feel like i wanna scream, wanna fuck, like twisting limbs. And breaking bones... I feel great Mark.
- Derek Cho: Those of you who don't want to be a part of this can leave now. But if you choose to stay, which it seems like you guys are choosing... You understand and agree to the following terms and conditions. One: You hereby waive your right to your own personal bodily integrity. Two: Per the state vs. Nevil Reed, my colleague and I will not be held criminally liable for any felony or misdemeanor that you may be a victim of, including but not limited to aggravated assault, aggravated battery, disorderly conduct, destruction of property, mayhem, and first-degree murder. And, three, terms and conditions may change or be updated whenever the fuck I want! Consider yourselves notified.
- Ewan Niles: Fuck this place! This mess is a blessing in disguise, trust me. You don't want to end up like me.
- Derek Cho: What are you talking about? You have everything figured out!
- Ewan Niles: No, Derek. This - this - this meditation & this incense, it's all bullshit. You think I like the taste of kale? Come on! I'm fucking dead inside.
- Derek Cho: Pro Tip: Paint your own path to success, in work, love and life, before it's too fuckin' late.
- Derek Cho: I Googled "a small dick douche makes assistant work hard for fake promise of a raise", and it was just like, top search result, like, number one. Listen, leave her alone or I'll sell this to your wife for half of the half she'll get from your divorce.
- [slaps his shoulder]
- Derek Cho: It's a good talk, bro.