Big Earth

I don't even have the words to describe how bad this movie is. It's like if "god-awfully horrible" and "threwup in my mouth a little" got together and had a child... but a child that had radiation poisoning, dipped in acid, and struck by lightening. And its not that its just that bad.. but it goes on and on for an hour and 40 minutes. I see that most of the cast isn't giving their name - that's probably a good idea. Now they just need to hide for a few years and hope no one sees this movie and recognizes them.

Every once in a while you run into a "B Budget" movie that is soooooooo bad, it's actually kind of good, in a weird cult following way. Evil Alien Conquerors comes to mind... so bad, Tori Spelling played "Jan" but wasn't even credited... Taking Earth doesn't even reach this category. I don't know who had the rich, South African Daddy bank rolling this steaming turd...

Gets 2 stars for good camera work & locations.0 stars for anything else. Here's how the film got made;

"Money"?"Yeh, some". "Script"?, "Well, almost, still working on the dialogue", "We also had to steal some ideas, heard of 'I Am Number 4' Boss"?

"Locations booked"? "Yeh, did a sweet deal with the tourist board, got some belters, bru"!

"CGI"? "Got some degree students from Jo'burg Uni', they're using it for their degree show, so working for free"!

"Actors"? "There's a problem, boss. We've spent most of the money, and we still need a catering truck...." "So"?! "We're using the local high school Am-dram club, seem like pretty nice kids". "But can they act"?! "Wellllll.......not as such, boss, but they're enthusiastic, and free".

If Edward J Wood Jr had made films in South Africa, this is how they'd be. The upside is that E.J.Wood Jr created a whole new sub level of B movies that have earned a dedicated (if small) following. Maybe this will be seen as the same in 40 or 50 years time? A possible campus cult classic, but don't hold your breath. May even be the cause of a new sub level, like 'Z Movie' perhaps?

Not "so bad it's funny", not "so bad it's good". Not even the right kind of bad for MST3K. It's just terrible script, acting, makeup, etc. The director should be kicked out of the guild. The actors should be banned from SAG-AFTRA. The only people involved that probably pulled their weight are the camera operators, foleys, caterers, and location scouts. Poor casting deserves criticism but the performances and signing off on the script falls on the director. WTF were they thinking?

From time to time, there will be a special effect spectacle, linked together by characters in unlikely situations explaining the story line via stilted dialogue. Scenes are cut together oddly, such as characters being pursued in a crowded city at night, then we suddenly see them in broad day light in a rural setting. The cast perform like people collected at random and given dialogue to recite a moment before the single take used to capture the scene. There were a couple of quality props, but over all the production communicated a lack of budget. I felt I had to give it a 2 out of 10 because the images were in focus and the sound quality was good. There was nothing compelling about the story. None of the characters were developed to the point where anyone would care about them. Hopefully everyone was paid well to create this mess of a movie.