Hal_Opinot-Pepper

Note to aspiring filmmakers: there are two things you are not.

The first is David Lynch.

The second, and this needs to be said far less often because most people are smart enough to make the mistake, is Jean Luc Godard.

But whoever decided to make this pretentious, arch, "artsy" mess of visual and narrative noise apparently needs to be told.

30 minutes into it I was so flummoxed and annoyed by it that I had to check IMDB to see what others said. And, sure enough, only one review, and they said they didn't last 15 minutes. I believe it.

Don't get me wrong, there's some talented-for-a-student production and cinematography-and this has got to be a student film-but that's not enough. And you really can't just say, "I'm afraid I'm not good enough to make a regular movie people will like, so I'll try to be Godard and just baffle them and hope not understanding it impresses them." At least, not if you want people to sit through more than like 15 minutes of it. And throwing all sorts of random title carts and on-screen explanatory text and animations and video effects and emojis and god knows what else doesn't help anything.

It has kind of a cool art-folk soundtrack, I'll give it that. But I'd rather just listen to the CD.

Sometimes you see a movie so bad that you wonder who actually thought it would be a good idea to make.

Ordinarily, I just ignore those. But sometimes you happen to look one of those movies on IMDB, and see that it has more fake positive reviews than any other movie you've ever seen. And then it inspires me to want to leave an honest review. That's this one.

Wooden acting, the cheapest possible production values, a "plot" (barely) that seems like it was written by a 12-year-old, this film is missing virtually everything that might make a film worth watching.

If only they'd spent money on actors, writing, and production instead of on fake IMDB reviews, this movie might have been only bad and not totally, offensively bad. And I wouldn't have felt a civic duty to point out just how fake so many of these reviews are.

All these fake reviews, notice not one of them mentions what the movie is actually about, or says anything that gives any sign they've even seen it. Plus how many of them even use the same exact few sentences. "The pacing of "Dark Cycle" was tight and relentless - I was on the edge of my seat throughout the entire movie."

I wonder who the filmmaker paid to post all this garbage for this terrible movie. This is the most amateurish, poorly-acted, poorly-written, poorly-shot movie I've ever seen, it's like someone got their friends together to shoot a movie and nobody involved had any experience in acting, film, or production.

It's some sort story about aliens in the cosmetic industry. Love the Steve Jobs-type black-turtleneck-wearing lead alien.

It looks like they downloaded some free app to make the digital effects, you can do better than this with an app on your phone. You can probably act better than this, too.

Ordinarily I'd have ignored it but this much dishonesty deserves an honest 1-star review to counterbalance it. Everyone involved in this "movie" should be ashamed of themselves, except whoever got paid by these fools to post all these obviously fake reviews.

In fact, sometimes I'll site through bad movies just out of boredom, but I'm going to stop it and hit thumbs-down on Tubi just to hopefully help this garbage disappear forever.