pulpficat

It's an absolute masterpiece of misery. It's not just exploitative, misogynistic, and sexist. It's also degrading and dehumanizing, like the filmmakers got together and said, "How can we make this poor woman's life even worse?"

As if being terrible isn't enough, it's also boring. Yes, it's a snooze-fest that's ridiculously pleased with itself. It parades around like it's got something profound to say, but it doesn't have a clue. The film isn't really about Marilyn Monroe; it's about making her suffer. Imagine turning one of the most iconic figures of the 20th century into an avatar of unending pain. There's no room for the real Marilyn's multidimensionality here. Nope, she's just a canvas for every indignity and horror imaginable.

Can't wait for the sequel. Maybe Blonde 2: Even Blonder, Even More Miserable.

The show Wednesday brings together many elements I love: a sassy protagonist, a ark academy setting, gothic style, witchcraft, murder mystery, Tim Burton's direction, and the Addams Family. Yet, it ended up being the most disappointing TV series of 2022 for me, rivaling Guillermo del Toro's Cabinet of Curiosities. (Seriously, what's wrong with all my favorite directors?) The show fundamentally ruins Wednesday and the entire Addams Family as originally conceived. From the get-go, Wednesday's design feels off, especially her bangs. But she's cute (even though she doesn't need to be), and since it's a 2022 show, modernization is expected, so I can overlook that.

The real issues start within the first few minutes: Pugsley is bullied and refuses to say who did it when asked by Wednesday. Excuse me? Pugsley not bullying anyone is a miracle, no one can bully him! Then, Wednesday releases piranhas into a pool. Okay, fine. If it were the real Morticia, she'd praise her with, "Oh, she's got potential," or offer advice on more creative methods of torture or killing. But the fake Morticia in the film scolds her like a normal mother?

Next is a series of highly illogical actions compared to the original Addams Family, a family whose core value is unity and closeness, albeit in a very quirky and eccentric way: The Addams parents complain that Wednesday causes so much trouble that she has to change schools multiple times. The real Addams parents would scoff at regular schools, deeming them unworthy of their children. (By the way, why didn't they send her to Nevermore from the start if they praise it so highly?) Wednesday spends several episodes saying, "I don't want to be like my mother." The real Wednesday wouldn't rebel like an ordinary teenage girl; she'd quietly carve her own path. (Watching these episodes felt familiar until I realized it's like the early episodes of Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, where Sabrina keeps saying, "I don't want to be a witch," which bored me enough to stop watching after the 4th episode).

Another thing: after learning that Gomez was once a murder suspect, Wednesday reacts with suspicion and distance like a normal person. The real Wednesday would likely praise her father's coolness or dismiss it as ordinary.

There are many more annoying details like this, but the most aggravating is that Wednesday, typically someone who "doesn't give a damn," suddenly wants to play a detective hero? Please, she wouldn't care if someone was drowning, let alone save the world. And if she had Sherlock's detective skills, it would be one thing, but her half-baked deductions are always wrong, causing harm to others in the process. Enid's scolding of her wasn't nearly enough. She fails as both a witch and a detective.

And why does she like Tyler? Even if she were an ordinary girl, I don't see any reason for her to like him. Their interactions are bland, and Wednesday, of all people, is suddenly so easygoing? Or is it because this is supposed to be a cheesy teen drama, so they had to be paired up?

Everything I anticipated from this show, the director managed to let me down. The horror is weak, the detective work is half-hearted, the gothic academy serves as mere background for teen rebellion, and, most importantly, the Addams Family values are entirely absent. The most useful thing I learned from this is perhaps a new makeup style and a new dance move.

You know how sometimes you watch a movie and you're like, "Wait, what just happened?" Well, that's pretty much what Everything Everywhere All At Once feels like, but in the best way possible. It's like someone mixed up all the genres, threw in some mind-bending sci-fi, a dash of family drama, and a whole lot of action, and somehow it all works.

Michelle Yeoh is the absolute star of the show. She's like a martial arts master crossed with your mom who's trying to keep it together, and she totally pulls it off. Her range in this film is, dare I say it, mind-blowing.

The plot? It's a wild ride. Parallel universes, alternate realities, and a cosmic convergence of... well, everything everywhere all at once. It's like trying to follow Joey's acting career - you're not quite sure where it's going, but you're thoroughly entertained the whole way through.

The action sequences are like something out of a superhero comic book. You've got flips, kicks, and stunts that'll make you wonder if Michelle Yeoh secretly has superpowers. And the special effects? They're so over the top, it's like something Joey would dream up in his wildest acting fantasies.

But it's not all about the action. The family dynamics in this film hit you right in the feels. There's heartache, reconciliation, and moments that tug at your heartstrings, but with a multiverse twist.

And the humor? It's there, in all its sarcastic glory. The witty one-liners and clever quips are sprinkled throughout the film to keep you grinning.

Everything Everywhere All At Once is a cinematic rollercoaster that takes you on a whirlwind tour of the multiverse, all while tugging at your heartstrings and making you laugh out loud. It's like an action-packed, sci-fi family drama, with a dash of wit thrown in for good measure. So, if you're in the mood for a movie that's equal parts mind-bending, heartwarming, and action-packed, this one's for you.