doctorgonzo64
Iscritto in data giu 2005
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Valutazione di doctorgonzo64
I had just seen the My Bloody Valentine remake a week before I went to see Friday the 13th, and I think that it's good to compare the films, since they have so many obvious similarities. If you've seen, or are planning on seeing, both, then you may find this review helpful.
The Gore: when it comes to a successful slasher film, good gore is almost always a necessity. In MBV, the gore is almost laughable. Why use CGI blood? I have no f*cking idea. All the killings in MBV are loaded with CGI. When it comes to blood, it just looks too cartoony to take seriously. I was very surprised to see "real" fake blood in F13th. The gore in F13th is pretty damn good. It's realistic, scary, and brutally violent. MBV: 2 F13th: 9
The Nudity: another necessity to a good slasher film. Okay, not always--but in most cases, some skin in the mix can make quite a difference in a slasher movie. There's nudity in both films. In MBV, we have one scene of nudity--but it's almost ten solid minutes of full frontal female nudity. We also get a second of male rear nudity. This scene is the best in MBV. It's what the entire film could have been: over-the-top and in-your-face. Just like any good slasher film. In F13th, we have breast nudity from almost every woman in the cast. No male nudity that I recall. When it comes to nudity, F13th stays true to its roots, and MBV goes all out. At least for ten minutes. MBV: 7 F13th: 7
The Style: for slashers, gore and skin are usually important. There have been a few exceptions. Sleepaway Camp (which I think is the greatest slasher film of all time) has a pretty general lack of both. So we can lump the rest of the qualities of these two films (which aren't generally outstanding slashers) under Style. The acting in MBV is another laughably bad trait of the film. I don't think the main character is as tough as the director would have us believe. In fact, if it wasn't for his frat-boy-on-horse-steroids voice, there wouldn't be one person in the audience who wouldn't believe that every other dude in this movie could pop that pussy's head off like a grape. MBV takes place in an alternate universe where miners and police officers live in $500,000 homes and everyone looks like underwear models. The story in MBV is pretty terrible too. MBV is pretty much a soap opera with blood and tits. The film is as slick as anything else coming out of Hollywood nowadays, but the 3D technology here was actually a little disappointing. This is the worst RealD film I've seen, technology-wise. Journey to the Center of the Earth was, of course, worse on every other level. F13th is also slick. It's actually slicker. This is as expensive and heavily produced a slasher film as possible. But the Hollywood approach still works in F13th. The film is pretty dark, visually, which is also true to its roots. The acting is a little sub-par, and the cast is made up of Beautiful People. The cinematography in both films is pretty straightforward, though in F13th the lighting and occasional filtering does much to add to the atmosphere. MBV: 1 F13th: 7
Friday the 13th is the best slasher film you are going to see come out of this generation. A classic it is not. My Bloody Valentine is boring, ugly, and annoying. It is an insult to the original film, which was original in more than one sense of the word.
Finally: My Bloody Valentine: 3.5 Friday the 13th: 7.5
The Gore: when it comes to a successful slasher film, good gore is almost always a necessity. In MBV, the gore is almost laughable. Why use CGI blood? I have no f*cking idea. All the killings in MBV are loaded with CGI. When it comes to blood, it just looks too cartoony to take seriously. I was very surprised to see "real" fake blood in F13th. The gore in F13th is pretty damn good. It's realistic, scary, and brutally violent. MBV: 2 F13th: 9
The Nudity: another necessity to a good slasher film. Okay, not always--but in most cases, some skin in the mix can make quite a difference in a slasher movie. There's nudity in both films. In MBV, we have one scene of nudity--but it's almost ten solid minutes of full frontal female nudity. We also get a second of male rear nudity. This scene is the best in MBV. It's what the entire film could have been: over-the-top and in-your-face. Just like any good slasher film. In F13th, we have breast nudity from almost every woman in the cast. No male nudity that I recall. When it comes to nudity, F13th stays true to its roots, and MBV goes all out. At least for ten minutes. MBV: 7 F13th: 7
The Style: for slashers, gore and skin are usually important. There have been a few exceptions. Sleepaway Camp (which I think is the greatest slasher film of all time) has a pretty general lack of both. So we can lump the rest of the qualities of these two films (which aren't generally outstanding slashers) under Style. The acting in MBV is another laughably bad trait of the film. I don't think the main character is as tough as the director would have us believe. In fact, if it wasn't for his frat-boy-on-horse-steroids voice, there wouldn't be one person in the audience who wouldn't believe that every other dude in this movie could pop that pussy's head off like a grape. MBV takes place in an alternate universe where miners and police officers live in $500,000 homes and everyone looks like underwear models. The story in MBV is pretty terrible too. MBV is pretty much a soap opera with blood and tits. The film is as slick as anything else coming out of Hollywood nowadays, but the 3D technology here was actually a little disappointing. This is the worst RealD film I've seen, technology-wise. Journey to the Center of the Earth was, of course, worse on every other level. F13th is also slick. It's actually slicker. This is as expensive and heavily produced a slasher film as possible. But the Hollywood approach still works in F13th. The film is pretty dark, visually, which is also true to its roots. The acting is a little sub-par, and the cast is made up of Beautiful People. The cinematography in both films is pretty straightforward, though in F13th the lighting and occasional filtering does much to add to the atmosphere. MBV: 1 F13th: 7
Friday the 13th is the best slasher film you are going to see come out of this generation. A classic it is not. My Bloody Valentine is boring, ugly, and annoying. It is an insult to the original film, which was original in more than one sense of the word.
Finally: My Bloody Valentine: 3.5 Friday the 13th: 7.5
Horror-comedy is something very difficult to do. So many films tried this blend of genres in the 1980s and failed miserably: Ghoulies 3, TerrorVision, pretty much anything Troma ever did. And only a few truly brilliant filmmakers were able to really succeed at this: Frank Henenlotter, Peter Jackson, Dan O'Bannon. This film is rare in that it falls generally between these two extremes. It's often very funny, and occasionally creative, but its obvious self-awareness can sometimes be trying.
Two brothers operate a vegetarian restaurant and secretly serve human flesh to their customers. They have an uncle (or what remains of him) who helps them to prepare for the feast of Sheetar by compiling a perfect woman out of assorted body parts. The bones of the plot are borrowed lovingly from H.G. Lewis's Blood Feast, but the majority of the film is pretty unique.
Unfortunately, because of their similarities, Blood Diner will always be compared to Blood Feast, and Blood Diner is just not that caliber of a film. Blood Feast brought on the sickening and sometimes too-real gore; Blood Diner's gore is cartoonish and cheap-looking. Blood Feast was technically flawed, but had enthusiastic performances and unmindfully creative camera work; Blood Diner is slick (as far as 80s horror-comedies go) and very self-conscious, but ultimately soulless in its execution.
The real key to a successful horror-comedy is that little dash of sincerity. You can have your jokes and fun, but a little sincere strangeness (or just plain scares) makes the film all the more real. If you like horror-comedy, and you've already seen Basket Case, Frankenhooker, Return of the Living Dead, Dead Alive, Re-Animator, and Brain Damage, you may want to give this a shot. It's sure as hell better than Troll 2.
Two brothers operate a vegetarian restaurant and secretly serve human flesh to their customers. They have an uncle (or what remains of him) who helps them to prepare for the feast of Sheetar by compiling a perfect woman out of assorted body parts. The bones of the plot are borrowed lovingly from H.G. Lewis's Blood Feast, but the majority of the film is pretty unique.
Unfortunately, because of their similarities, Blood Diner will always be compared to Blood Feast, and Blood Diner is just not that caliber of a film. Blood Feast brought on the sickening and sometimes too-real gore; Blood Diner's gore is cartoonish and cheap-looking. Blood Feast was technically flawed, but had enthusiastic performances and unmindfully creative camera work; Blood Diner is slick (as far as 80s horror-comedies go) and very self-conscious, but ultimately soulless in its execution.
The real key to a successful horror-comedy is that little dash of sincerity. You can have your jokes and fun, but a little sincere strangeness (or just plain scares) makes the film all the more real. If you like horror-comedy, and you've already seen Basket Case, Frankenhooker, Return of the Living Dead, Dead Alive, Re-Animator, and Brain Damage, you may want to give this a shot. It's sure as hell better than Troll 2.
This is your average PG-13 horror film aimed at a teenage audience. Nothing more, nor less. If you're into that sort of thing, check this movie out.
The scares here aren't bad--there's a couple scenes with a dog that are arguably pretty creepy. There's no gore. There's even an almost total lack of blood. The closest you'll get to nudity is Odette Yustman in her underwear, and that's been plastered on every poster and shown in every trailer for this movie. That chick needs to gain a few pounds.
I kept thinking, "Damn, is that Gary Oldman?" Turns out it was. He's the only actor here with any talent, and he's still pretty bad. But most horror movies have bad acting, right? David S. Goyer isn't Robert Altman, and he's not trying to be. This was made to make a few bucks and scare some kids, and there's nothing wrong with that--horror filmmakers have been doing it for years.
Like I said: basic PG-13 teenager horror film. And a decent one at that. But if you like your horror with some gore, or nudity, or even some naughty language, you should stay away from this one.
The scares here aren't bad--there's a couple scenes with a dog that are arguably pretty creepy. There's no gore. There's even an almost total lack of blood. The closest you'll get to nudity is Odette Yustman in her underwear, and that's been plastered on every poster and shown in every trailer for this movie. That chick needs to gain a few pounds.
I kept thinking, "Damn, is that Gary Oldman?" Turns out it was. He's the only actor here with any talent, and he's still pretty bad. But most horror movies have bad acting, right? David S. Goyer isn't Robert Altman, and he's not trying to be. This was made to make a few bucks and scare some kids, and there's nothing wrong with that--horror filmmakers have been doing it for years.
Like I said: basic PG-13 teenager horror film. And a decent one at that. But if you like your horror with some gore, or nudity, or even some naughty language, you should stay away from this one.