UberNoodle

It's not often I'm offended by a movie but Ninja Assassin was awful. Did you say 'ninjas'? They are as much ninja as Will Smith Jnr is a 'karate kid'. 'Oh it's all the same!' some say. So I guess boxing and UFC are too. The movie is custom made for only the most naive of film goers and 13 year old boys. Many would argue that as a tautology.

Yet, is a ninja film actually staring some Japanese doing actual ninjutsu, and not just a kung fu movie re-skinned, so impossible? I welcome the day when ninja are treated even half as well as Sho Kosugi did back when they were at their Western peak. There are far superior films on the subject matter in Japan, yet those film reportedly 'bore' foreign audiences with their realism and physically grounded martial arts.

That's fair enough, but films like Kuro Obi show how stunning Japanese budo can be on screen, and Owl's Castle shows how a ninja's life could be one of brain squeezing intrigue. There's no need to throw away such beauty and minimalist perfection, in favour of cheap thrills via anachronistic kung-fu. The ninja weren't the kind to leave trails of dissected bodies behind. That's an invention of anime and comic book myth.

As spies and covert killers, their work was much more subtle and dare I say, cerebral. Owl's Castle illustrates this and I guess that's why it has been labeled as 'boring'. Go figure. And cerebral is not a word I would use for any aspect of the film's plot or characterisation, though there's plenty of 'cerebral matter' on display throughout the many brainless (LOL) fight scenes.

I love cheesy genre films as much as the next ninja fan, and my collection is filled with schlock, but what I don't like is careless and derivative story telling. Great schlock has heart. This film's heart has already been ripped away, thus reducing what remained to a paint by numbers exercise in predictable emptiness, but with some excellently done, albeit entirely anachronistic fight scenes.

I wasn't sure what to expect when I watched this film. I think it was completely misrepresented in its international promotion, as part of the 'Horror After Dark' festival last year. This 2007, and belatedly released, film is filmed in a documentary style about the Palmer family trying to deal with the tragic... loss of their daughter, Alice.

I didn't find the film frightening, but it was very atmospheric. Some scenes were quite foreboding. In retrospect, it is easy to see how this film could have been presented, had it been made in a typical straight forward way. The plot turns are all in keeping with genre expectations, but it was the choice to tell the story in an almost completely strict 'third person objective' view point that really had me engrossed.

The Hollowood remake is set for release next year and expect it to lack much of the honesty and soul of the original. No doubt the remake rights, as is the trend now, were part and parcel with distribution rights. This is the current tactic of the American film industry now - distribution with the condition of remake rights.

That makes for a very sad situation, and if it isn't protectionist, I don't know what is. The only reason to remake this film is to cash in on this year's Paranormal Activity. I would watch that as well. As for Lake Mungo - see it if you can. It is a very striking film, full of life for long after the credits have rolled (watch them all by the way). And don't watch any trailers.