AwesomeWolf

Here's something I never expected I'd be saying about 'Belly of the Beast': It is an entertaining action movie. That's right, it may a new Seagal movie that has a totally disjointed plot and an identity crisis regarding what style of action movie it wants to be, but its a fun way to kill time.

Seagal plays Jake Hopper, an ex-CIA agent (you guessed it) working on the side as a professional ninja for an old agency buddy. This led me into thinking that ole' Stevie could very well star in a 'Beverly Ninja Hills Ninja 2' film, he certainly is getting to look a little like Chris Farley. Jake seems rather uninterested when he is informed that Muslim extremists in the north of Thailand have kidnapped his daughter, but that's only a cover for his apparent unlimited rage, at least according to the tag line. So Jake is off to Thailand to his rescue his daughter and show off his UNLIMITED RAGE!

Now I realize that 'Belly of the Beast' is a poor film in every aspect of film-making, but its one of those endearingly bad films. The plot is disjointed and sometimes predictable, sometimes suffering from an identity crisis. Seagal seems as excited as he always is (i.e. he actually looks really bored and seems as though he would prefer a quiet night in with a video instead of attempting to kick arse), and his physical fitness really needs to be questioned. You can hear his heavy breathing throughout the film, seemingly suggesting that Seagal just carried a box of donuts up small flight of stairs and now he he needs to recover. The fact that he even has a sex scene is just disturbing to even think about and is best left as one of those "let's never speak of this again" moments. In a scene in which Seagal is chatting up a monk, his voice actually changes! Some suggest Seagal was dubbed in that scene, but I always suspected that Stevie was the romantic type (at least when talking to monks).

The lack of any distinct action style doesn't help things. Seagal starts the movie off with some Tai-Chi and kicking that Stevie can't possibly perform in his shape and also sends his opponents flying through walls. When I realized who the director was, none of this surprised me and I even expected some sort of mystical battle to end the movie. I did not expect random normal shootouts and random 'Matrix'-style shootouts. Basically what we have here is almost a fantasy ninja movie with John Woo adding lots of guns, or something like that. It is confusing, it isn't compelling, but it makes for cheap entertainment.

I should probably feel shame for saying 'Belly of the Beast' was enjoyable. It is a terrible film, and most people really should avoid it, but there are a select few out there who (like me) can use this for cheap laughs - 2/10

'I Know What You Did Last Summer' is one of those movies I was told avoid, and because of that warning, went out of my way to watch it. I have no one to blame but myself. Even by slasher standards, 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' is stupid, boring, and insulting.

The premise is that four teenagers (who are generally rich and beautiful people) run a man over, and apparently kill him. Displaying a callous disregard for human dignity while trying to protect themselves, they dump the body in the ocean, and make a pact never to talk about it again. One year later, Julie (Jennifer Love Hewitt) receives a note indicating that someone knows all about the hit & run, and wants to off the group of self-serving brats.

I don't know how this crap managed to become so popular. It is a terrible movie, all based upon the fact that we're supposed to sympathize with these beautiful teens, even after they've killed someone and dumped his body in the ocean. No dice. If I was the guy they ran over, I'd be pretty ticked off too. A good horror movie should make you feel for, and sympathize with the characters in peril, but these kids are annoying, shallow, and have already covered up manslaughter - why should I sympathize with them? If anything, they're getting what they deserve.

Aside from that, IKWYDLS is obvious and boring. All the slasher clichés are present, but there are no surprises at all. The standard red herrings turn up, but shouldn't fool any avid horror fan (or anyone else for that matter). The cast are not convincing at all, especially Freddy Prinze Jr. He looked rather bored, although I suspect that may be the product of a lack of acting talent.

'I Know What Did Last Summer' is a terrible film, even by slasher standards, and is insulting to intelligence (though it takes a certain lack of intelligence to consider watching this. I'll freely admit to being guilty on that point) - 1/10

'Street Fighter' rules. Sure, it is either plain old terrible movie or movie so awesome and cheesy that only few people will actually admit to liking it, but it rules.

Shadaloo is a nation in crisis. The Allied Nations force, led by Colonel Guile (Van Damme) controls the capital city, but General Bison (Raul Julia) remains at large. Bison is totally off his nut, and threatens to kill 63 AN hostages if the AN does not pay him twenty billion dollars. With the help of some of the world's best fighters, Guile is "going to kick Bison's ass so hard, the next Bison wannabe is gonna feel it!". 'Street Fighter' rules.

'Street Fighter' rules. I can't say that often enough. Every line, every moment, and every explosion is awesome. Sure, 'Street Fighter' may push the lines of silly comedy into inept stupidity, but I love it. Sure, Kylie Minogue would normally belong far away from a martial arts film, and Van Damme will never pull off a convincing all American GI, but I love it. Sure, there is a strange lack of martial arts for a movie based on 'Street Fighter' movie, and it displays some real miscasting, but I love it. 'Street Fighter' gets sillier and funnier as the movie progresses, and providing some really funny lines and even better scenes (the Godzilla scene between E. Honda and Zangief is my favourite).

Watch 'Street Fighter' for laughs, and don't think about the game. In fact, don't think at all, just watch and laugh. It is a really entertaining film. In IMDb's worst 100? That's not fair, there are plenty of worse films than this.