Dan1863Sickles

This is an old, Original Series man talking . . . The last of a dying breed. I have to say that this episode just didn't work for me. This iteration of the legend doesn't work either.

Take everything dumbest about Star Wars, and everything dumbest about Raiders of the Lost Ark. Have every character from the Original Series reborn as a teen babe or a mindless clone. Bring it all to a boil with horrifically dumb dialogue and excruciatingly unfunny jokes. That's what this show is like . . . Only worse. Much worse.

Star Trek is getting dumber every year. But the girl who plays Chapel is kind of cute. So I guess that makes it . . . Okay?

To take a show, and characters, that I have loved for more than fifty years and turn them into clowns right in front of me . . . That makes me mad. And sad. Very sad.

This episode is so absolutely full of loathsome gunk that has nothing to do with the Original Series, in attitude, outlook, or anything else. Everything that was most infantile and stupid about the original Star Wars, and the original Raiders of the Lost Ark, that is what they are going for here. And they don't even come close!

The jeering at authority, the pointless teeny bopper posturing, the desperate, pathetic attempt to snare a younger audience, it all made me want to puke.

The idea that Spock has to prove he's a real human by getting drunk and making a clown of himself . . . Let's think about how many teens die every year in drunk driving accidents. I was a high school teacher once, and one of my favorite students died that way. A good friend of his was paralyzed for life.

And then, if that's not bad enough, let's show Dr. M'Benga and Nurse Chapel shooting up with drugs so they can be super brave and super cool. Drugs will always do that for you, allow you to be your best self. Just ask Walter White. Or Jesse Pinkman!

God, do I need to go on? Let me say that Jess Bush as Chapel is genuinely cute. For that alone I give this turd episode two stars.

It's very easy to take one look at this movie, see the great poet Percy Shelley reduced to a sparkly vampire, and run the other way. But wait!

If you can hack your way through the teen-girl romance, the slogan shouting and posturing, and the totally inauthentic hair styles (the girls have their hair down in *every* scene) there are actually some pretty good performances. The guy playing Lord Byron (Tom Sturridge) isn't afraid to go there, and put all his toxic masculinity right in your face. You can actually imagine Lord Byron breaking the rules (ours as well as theirs) and actually having a good time! Not only does Sturridge bring the Byron, but he slots in a lot of Edgar Allan Poe and I think a little of John Wilkes Booth as well. And Bel Powely, as Claire Clairmont, Mary's half-sister, literally goes toe to toe with him. They really show up the two leads, and that's a good thing.

Elle Fanning is pretty good as Mary Shelley. It's ironic that the movie insists on presenting her as the perfect feminist icon, yet her one authentic moment is a speech where she tells Shelley that she *isn't* perfect, that life isn't perfect, and that arrogant male attempts to make it perfect will only result in more mistakes, and more monsters! It's a great moment, but boy, you really have to suffer to get there.

Kind of like Mary Shelley!